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Table manners
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Anonymous
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I have a good friend who doesn't believe children should be taught table manners and that they will grow into them. She and her DH were both taught how to properly sit at a table to eat meals but they don't want to cage in their children that way. Her DH's parents made he and his siblings have assigned seats at the sides of the table while his parents were on the ends. She said they didn't want to inflict such a staunch attitude in their house so they purchased a round table and didn't force their children to even sit during a meal.
They had an emergency this week and I have all four of their children (k-7) plus my two and it's a disaster at meal times. I really don't care who sits where but I want them to stay seated during a meal. It bugs me to no end that they can't stay in their seats to eat. They are constantly getting up. Worse than that though is the noises they make when eating. Please, eat with your mouth closed, don't talk with if full, and no one wants any "see food". I am just at my wits end telling them that these things are not appropriate at my house. Their parents have their rules and I have mine. |
Anonymous
| K-7 is well old enough to have some basic table manners. You are well within your rights to enforce whatever rules apply at your house, and to be stern about it. OTOH, if it's an emergency situation, you can try to ride it out now and broach the topic with your friends at a later date in case they want you to help them out again in future. Apart from table manners being bad, are the kids not listening to you when you tell them to sit down or whatever? That's a question of respecting your authority, which they need to do no matter what the issue is. Sounds chaotic -time for a video marathon! |
Anonymous
| Your house, your rules. Just make them clear. |
Anonymous
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Wow, I am sorry for your friend. They must never be able to take their kids to a restaurant, accept dinner invitations, etc. etc. She is NOT doing them a favor - God forbid they ever leave the country and go abroad.... yikes!!!
Do what I do with a particular friends children...I am firm and no nonsense about table manners and about children listening. |
Anonymous
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Oh wow, OP, that must be hard. I'm being serious--it would drive me NUTS. My kids (6 and 11) are sometimes driven to comment on their friends' manners. Not in front of them, though, as that is also bad manners......
It's appalling to watch 10 yr olds eat like small toddlers. Probably not much you can do at this point beyond forcing them to stay seated. Hang in there! and very nice of you take all the kids, that's a lot of extra work for you! |
Anonymous
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Your friend doesn't want to "cage" her children? Society built the cage, it's her job to make sure they know how to behave in it.
My three-year-old does very well chewing with her mouth closed. She has a harder time staying in her chair, and remembering to eat over her plate (as opposed to taking something off her plate, sitting back, and eating over her lap). We'll get there, though. Bad table manners are a pet peeve of mine. |
Anonymous
Totally keeping the "when have you judged and then it bit you in the @ss" post in my mind now 
Not saying a word about the no manners previously, but for your sanity, maybe go out of your way to make it a "game" - set the table nicely, (if you have a back deck, maybe set a table out outside?), put place cards out (note paper ripped in quarters & names written with a sharpie would probably do), etc. Then say (nicely, in a fun tone, and in a way that suits the situations) "while you're at my house, this is how we'll do things." You don't have to correct their behavior in general, just let them know what you expect at your place. |
Anonymous
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pp here - maybe let them make their own place cards (would also keep them busy for a bit) and let them "claim" a chair each meal. Once their little tushies are in that seat, they stay there or they're saying they're done (and if they're anything like my family that means they give up their food to whoever wants it!)
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Anonymous
| The parents would have to understand that this is your house and they have to oblige by your rules. It is already hard with 2 now you have six and if you want any sanity when the parents finally come and pick up their kids my only advice is to have them behave that is acceptable to you. |
Anonymous
| It is astounding, isn't it? We just got back from vacay with another family and both of theirs had atrocious table manners. It was a real eye opener for ours. One even said she knew why I was so demanding now. |
Anonymous
| You all are so smug. Get a life. |
Anonymous
But once you get a life, you won't be able to do anything fun with it if you don't have decent table manners. |
Anonymous
Decent table manners won't get you anywhere if you are a judgmental jerk. |
Anonymous
Bad table manners will most definitely hold you back, no matter what other sterling qualities you may possess. And you seem like a bit of a jerk yourself, so if you chewed with your mouth open and reached across your dining companion for the salt, you'd be totally screwed. |
Anonymous
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Before I was married, I took care of a friend's three daughters (all under 6 yrs old) and their table manners were simply awful. Talked with their mouth full, waving forks in the air, threw foood, and one dediced to drink her milk by lapping it up like a dog.
The next meal, dinner, I had set up a card table with a bowl, no flatware,. I told this this was the piggy table and the first one to eat like a pig was going to be moved to this table. Of course, the one who had been a real pib earlier, laughed and started lapping up her milk. I then took her plate put in on card table, poured her milk in bowl and told her to eat her dinner. She (and other two) were shocked. She started crying and said she would eat properly. She ate her dinner at the piggy table. I had one child eat one meal at the table and after that they used table manners. Of course, when their parents returned, kids reverted to being pigs. These children were so bad that when the parents were invited to child-friendly events, their friends would specifically ask them not to bring their children. In fact, their peditrician finally refused to continue them as patients because they were so badly behaved. |