4 month old sleeping issues

[Anonymous]

I have a beautiful 4 month old DD, but just can't get a handle on her sleeping...hoping for some advice - here is a general picture of the situation

1) she was very mellow for her first two weeks, and would sleep in her cradle some of the time, but not all the time and she seemed to preferred sleeping with me - I have a toddler too, so I was willing to go with some co-sleeping because it seemed to be getting both of us more sleep

2) weeks 2-8 or so she was really fussy, the co-sleeping became really entrenched and became an all night kind of thing, except for maybe 2-3 hours early in the evening from about 8-10 or 11 when I can get her down on her own if she's swaddled

3) she's not a good napper, she's a catnapper (30 min. on the nose) in her crib (or stroller), although I can usually get one longer nap a day in the swing

Although I can get her down for a few hours in the evening, she has to be really asleep first -- it's like a 1-2 hour rocking and swaddling process to get her down and then sometimes she wakes up and needs to be re-rocked for a few minutes like every hour until she eats around 11 and I go to sleep with her.

I'm going kind of crazy and am really ready to be done with the co-sleeping. I go back to work soon and I just need better sleep -- she's getting heavy and I wake up in pain and with one numb arm because she's lying on it (she won't sleep next to me - only if she's held).

Otherwise she's a really happy, smiley baby, but I just can't get her to sleep on her own. I'm hesitant to let this go on much longer because I really don't want to co-sleep long-term (wouldn't mind if she were in a co-sleeper or something, but the holding is a problem). I've exclusively BF until recently, but I'm in the process of partially weaning her to a bottle during the day.

I really, really don't want to do CIO, but DH seems to think we're going to have to do it. Any suggestions or helpful stories about making this transition more gracefully?

[Anonymous]

My baby is almost the same age as yours and much of what your describing is similar, and from what i've read normal. Most babies dont establish long sleep patterns and naps for the first 4 mos if you dont implement behavior modification (sleep training). I think it's normal and healthy to expect an infant under 6-7 mos who eats no solids to wake several times per night to feed. I also think they benefit from us soothing them to sleep via rocking, nursing, singing, etc. My advice would be try to be patient and enjoy the special time that comes with soothing your baby to sleep. If you are desperate you could try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley, or Dr. James Gordons's sleep book, and of course Dr. Sears Nightime Parenting. Good luck and sweet dreams! I know with my first son he eventually found his own sleep rythm and reached sleep maturity on his own, but we enjoyed the co-sleeping, nightime snuggles, night nursing etc and now that he's 3.5 he sleeps in his own room 12 hrs a night with no issues. The baby phase is so fleeting and is over before you blink your weary eyes!!!

[Anonymous]

Oh boy, that sounds a lot like my DD! Here is what works for us...

1. Is she on a good schedule during the day? You should be doing the eat, play, nap routine and not letting her fall asleep right after a meal. Also, are her meals regular (i.e. 3 or 3.5 hours apart)? Make sure she is eating a full meal at each feeding and try to keep her to a routine during the day. My DD's night sleep always gets screwed up when her day schedule is off and when she is doing more "snacking" rather than eating full meals.

2. Make sure she eats enough before you put her to bed at night. My DD doesn't eat all that much during the day and then she eats a lot between 4:00 and 7:00 pm before she goes to bed. I find her sleep to be very restless and interrupted if she didn't eat enough and I have to feed her again before she can get into a deep sleep. At 4 months she really shouldn't need the 11:00 pm feeding. She should be able to sleep about 10 hours at night without eating.

3. I don't think you need to do CIO but there might be a few nights of fussing ahead if you want to move her to the crib. We would put my DD to bed drowsy, but still awake, and then we would stay close to her crib...replace paci, pat tummy, repeat, repeat. Took 3-4 nights of us doing that for 20-30 minutes but now she goes to sleep pretty easily.

Good luck - I feel your pain!

[Anonymous]

Break the pattern. Yeah, it's hard. But no changes to her daily feeding, nap, or bedtime routine are going to compensate for the fact that at this time she prefers sleeping with you. And why shouldn't she, it's a terrific deal for a baby. Just not for Mom. She's going to cry for it until she learns that co-sleeping is no longer available.