what do you say to neighbors about why you are choosing private vs the local public?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other thing I always try to convey is that just because I made a differnet decision, doesn't mean that your decision is wrong. It's just a different decision.

Ehh, it's a bit like dumping a guy b/c he's such a loser and "not good enough" for you. Later your friend starts to date him and you tell her "oh, great, he's perfect for YOU, I just made a different decision." Nope, you dumped the guy (the school in this analogy) b/c he wasn't good enough. Do you really think your friend doesn't know you look down on that guy when she chooses him?

That said, you're not wrong for dumping the guy and your friend isn't wrong for thinking you are judging her choice as an inferior one. You are BOTH right. That's life. It's just important to accept these realities and to try to be as gracious as you can be.

People aren't stupid. People get their feelings hurt (rightly or wrongly). People are thin skinned. People judge everything and everyone. Accepting these realities is an important first step. You have to just do what you feel is right and let the chips fall where they may!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Suppose the world's greatest private school opened up down the block and paid its teachers $1 million a year. Competition for both teacher slots and student slots would be fierce. Some kids would leave the local public school to attend the private, reducing the student-teacher ratio in the public school. The public school would probably have to pay their best teachers more, or risk losing them. All of this would be good from a variety of perspectives; it would increase teacher compensation, it would attract more people to the profession, it would improve the balance between educational needs and the total resources available to meet them.

If you find that illustration unconvincing, imagine the opposite scenario; imagine that every private school in the country suddenly closed down, leaving a ton of additional students to cram into the public schools, and a huge surplus of unemployed teachers, forcing teachers to be willing to accept lower pay to continue to teach, or stop teaching altogether. Would that be an improvement to the school system? Clearly not.

Suppose we confine our discussion to the real world, instead of talking about hypotheticals.

If you want teachers in public schools to get paid more, there is a much more direct way to do this: pay teachers in public schools more. And if you want public schools to have more resources (perhaps to accommodate the influx of students when all private schools in the country shut down), there is also a much more direct way to do this: increase public school resources. Public school resources are not fixed. It's a mistake to assume that they are, even in a hypothetical.

I'd also like to refer to the PP who pointed out that public school teachers already get paid more than private school teachers, and that many private school teachers are not qualified to teach in public schools.

None of this, of course, changes the reality that the original statement that "choice only favors those with power" was groundless. In the real world, choice and competition improve the responsiveness of suppliers to buyers.

I wasn't making an argument about what teachers in public schools should get paid; I was just pointing out that those who argue that those who opt for private school are inherently weakening the public school system are arguing against basic economics. It's that argument that is based on a number of flawed hypothetical assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
None of this, of course, changes the reality that the original statement that "choice only favors those with power" was groundless. In the real world, choice and competition improve the responsiveness of suppliers to buyers.

I wasn't making an argument about what teachers in public schools should get paid; I was just pointing out that those who argue that those who opt for private school are inherently weakening the public school system are arguing against basic economics. It's that argument that is based on a number of flawed hypothetical assumptions.

Nothing you have said has demonstrated that "choice only favors those with power" is groundless. Who makes use of the choice, when there is a choice? Parents who are able to. Who doesn't? Parents who aren't. This is both logical (indeed, it's practically a tautology) and empirically true.

As for "flawed hypothetical assumptions" -- which assumptions, exactly? The assumption that the public school system is not a business, and parents are not consumers?

By the way, I'm still waiting for references to countries with good public school systems that base those systems on choice and competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thing I always try to convey is that just because I made a differnet decision, doesn't mean that your decision is wrong. It's just a different decision.

Ehh, it's a bit like dumping a guy b/c he's such a loser and "not good enough" for you. Later your friend starts to date him and you tell her "oh, great, he's perfect for YOU, I just made a different decision." Nope, you dumped the guy (the school in this analogy) b/c he wasn't good enough. Do you really think your friend doesn't know you look down on that guy when she chooses him?

That said, you're not wrong for dumping the guy and your friend isn't wrong for thinking you are judging her choice as an inferior one. You are BOTH right. That's life. It's just important to accept these realities and to try to be as gracious as you can be.

People aren't stupid. People get their feelings hurt (rightly or wrongly). People are thin skinned. People judge everything and everyone. Accepting these realities is an important first step. You have to just do what you feel is right and let the chips fall where they may!

Not the PP you are responding to, but you sound awfully unsure of yourself and insecure. Maybe first person dumped guy b/c he told jokes about xyz a lot, and first person hates it when people do that. But second person does like it. Hence, second person and guy are better fit. You are a real weirdo if you are person #2 and you feel like, "Oh gee, thanks. He wasn't good enough for YOUUUUUU but he's fine for meeee. What am I, chopped liver???" WEIRD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I totally agree with the poster who said that a lot of private school decisions are made out of fear and not research into the public school option.

And to the PP who said that they didn't want the larger class size and lunch at 10:24 it made me laugh because my Big 3 school has exactly that! LOL.

What do you think these folks fear, anyway? That Mann is overrun by blond Episcopalians or that their 3rd grader won't get into an MCPS HGC? The only person I know who expresses any fear about our mixed-SES public schools wants to move to Bethesda so her kids will be safe. So to that extent, plenty of public school parents make their school choices based on fear too.

I wonder: Do district superintendents send their children to high-FARMs schools?

Why yes, that's true. Plenty of public school parents wealthy enough to be able to make school choices also make their school choices based on fear. That doesn't mean it's ok. That just means that lots of people do it.

Thank you. Do you think the public-school parents who choose highly affluent schools out of fear are judged for their choice? It seems to me they mostly get a pass because they're using public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about the opposite situation of switching from private to public? Has anyone been dropped from the clique or have other parents questioned why you are leaving private?

We are heading towards that b/c we intentionally selected a private school that ends at 8th grade and will then switch our kids to our local public for high school. Our decision to go private from preschool-8th was based on all the reasons cited earlier, smaller class size, individual attention, etc., but our local public high school is pretty good and in our opinion after they've been coddled for 8 years they should be ready to tough enough to handle public school.

I'm considering the same switch for a public magnet - not sure what we will decide yet and haven't told anyone in my current private circle...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the reason why people get upset about your decision to go private is because they want you in public because your family - presumably wealthy, educated, and valuing education for you and your child - would make public schools better.

I know I feel that way. I'm in the trenches, sending DS to DCPS and working to make them better. I want as many allies as possible in this effort, and it makes me upset when those families are lost to private schools.

BC

Do you realize it would also make your school more crowded and with even fewer funds per child to educate? My local, very higly rated, elementary, middle and high schools are already over-crowded. If you added all the local private kids into the mix it would blow their budget through the roof and they'd have to fill the playground with portable classrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Do you think the public-school parents who choose highly affluent schools out of fear are judged for their choice? It seems to me they mostly get a pass because they're using public schools.

No, no, don't worry, they're judged too. Come hang out on the MD Schools forum for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the reason why people get upset about your decision to go private is because they want you in public because your family - presumably wealthy, educated, and valuing education for you and your child - would make public schools better.

I know I feel that way. I'm in the trenches, sending DS to DCPS and working to make them better. I want as many allies as possible in this effort, and it makes me upset when those families are lost to private schools.

BC

Do you realize it would also make your school more crowded and with even fewer funds per child to educate? My local, very higly rated, elementary, middle and high schools are already over-crowded. If you added all the local private kids into the mix it would blow their budget through the roof and they'd have to fill the playground with portable classrooms.

Here's the great thing about the public school system. When there are more children in the public school system, the public school system's budget can go up, they can hire more teachers, and they can build more schools. That's not to say that it always will happen, or that it happens overnight. But it's possible.

If you're expecting public school parents to be grateful to you for sending your child to private school, you will probably be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this some kind of weird Sahm thing? I live on the hill, and I really can't imagine any of my neighbors giving a flying f about where each other's kids go to school. I am curious to hear about why they make the choices they do so I can learn more, but that's about it. If anything people are extra cautious to seem not to be criticizing each other explicitly or in

It's a Montgomery County, AU Park, Fairfax sort of thing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the reason why people get upset about your decision to go private is because they want you in public because your family - presumably wealthy, educated, and valuing education for you and your child - would make public schools better.

I know I feel that way. I'm in the trenches, sending DS to DCPS and working to make them better. I want as many allies as possible in this effort, and it makes me upset when those families are lost to private schools.

BC

Do you realize it would also make your school more crowded and with even fewer funds per child to educate? My local, very higly rated, elementary, middle and high schools are already over-crowded. If you added all the local private kids into the mix it would blow their budget through the roof and they'd have to fill the playground with portable classrooms.

Here's the great thing about the public school system. When there are more children in the public school system, the public school system's budget can go up, they can hire more teachers, and they can build more schools. That's not to say that it always will happen, or that it happens overnight. But it's possible.

If you're expecting public school parents to be grateful to you for sending your child to private school, you will probably be disappointed.

Well - I can tell you that our local elementary principal wasn't exactly begging us to come to her public when we went to discuss our child with her in Pre-K (done because pre-K teachers recommended we do sos). In fact, she recommended we stay for the K option at the Pre-K school because she said it would most likely be a better option four our child. This was not a "problem child" so she wasn't trying to avoid difficulty among her student body - in fact, she discussed "problem children" as being part of the reason why our child would not be served as well in K at her school as the child would be at the private (note- this is a very very highly regarded public elemenatry). So - don't think that the local principals are dying for all the private school kids to enroll.

Also note - that I would vote for any increases in school budgets and support for teachers.

AND - good luck getting budgets to grow for more schools and more resources when the tax base remains the same. If all the private kids went public - they'd have to raise taxes if you wanted the outcome you are suggesting....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Do you think the public-school parents who choose highly affluent schools out of fear are judged for their choice? It seems to me they mostly get a pass because they're using public schools.

No, no, don't worry, they're judged too. Come hang out on the MD Schools forum for a while.

I like you.

[Anonymous]

It has never occurred to me that anyone judges me for sending my kids to private school. Why would they even care? People apparently have strange hang ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you're expecting public school parents to be grateful to you for sending your child to private school, you will probably be disappointed.

Well - I can tell you that our local elementary principal wasn't exactly begging us to come to her public when we went to discuss our child with her in Pre-K (done because pre-K teachers recommended we do sos). In fact, she recommended we stay for the K option at the Pre-K school because she said it would most likely be a better option four our child. This was not a "problem child" so she wasn't trying to avoid difficulty among her student body - in fact, she discussed "problem children" as being part of the reason why our child would not be served as well in K at her school as the child would be at the private (note- this is a very very highly regarded public elemenatry). So - don't think that the local principals are dying for all the private school kids to enroll.

Also note - that I would vote for any increases in school budgets and support for teachers.

AND - good luck getting budgets to grow for more schools and more resources when the tax base remains the same. If all the private kids went public - they'd have to raise taxes if you wanted the outcome you are suggesting....

Is your local elementary school in DC? There is plenty of capacity at the non-very very highly regarded public elementaries in DCPS. So much capacity, in fact, that DCPS has been closing schools.

If you are in DC, then the solution to the overcrowding at your local elementary is rezoning. But rezoning is a political impossibility. And even if it weren't, the parents who were rezoned from the very very highly regarded public elementary to one of the other ones would probably pull their kids and put them in private, or move.

(And yes, they might have to raise taxes. That happens. I would support it. You say that you would too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
None of this, of course, changes the reality that the original statement that "choice only favors those with power" was groundless. In the real world, choice and competition improve the responsiveness of suppliers to buyers.

I wasn't making an argument about what teachers in public schools should get paid; I was just pointing out that those who argue that those who opt for private school are inherently weakening the public school system are arguing against basic economics. It's that argument that is based on a number of flawed hypothetical assumptions.

Nothing you have said has demonstrated that "choice only favors those with power" is groundless. Who makes use of the choice, when there is a choice? Parents who are able to. Who doesn't? Parents who aren't. This is both logical (indeed, it's practically a tautology) and empirically true.

As for "flawed hypothetical assumptions" -- which assumptions, exactly? The assumption that the public school system is not a business, and parents are not consumers?

By the way, I'm still waiting for references to countries with good public school systems that base those systems on choice and competition.

Singapore