No sounds like he's the one who dodged a bullet. |
No, she shouldn’t contribute at all. That’s his own debt. This predates the marriage. That’s not her problem. |
No, SHE should’ve been asking the questions. “This is my debt, these are my finances. What kind of debt do you have?” Then decisions could have been made on How/when to pay this, should marriage be postponed, is it a deal breaker? And no one person is paying the debt, “they” are. Less money is coming into the household, whether it’s coming out of his check or hers. |
OP hasn't given enough information to know whether or not the husband is working hard to pay it off. The difference is that your SIL went to law school which is only 3 years and then immediately went to work for big law. After medical school he still could have years of training ahead of him especially if he picked a specialty. During that training he could be working like crazy but his earnings are capped and his debt is accruing interest. Once he completes training he should experience a huge salary jump. If they have the income they both may be better off paying off the debt rather than letting it grow. We just don't have the information from OP to know if this is the case. Going to medical school is not an easy feat even if you went to a fancy private school so I can't imagine the husband is inherently lazy. |
Things that never happened for $500 Alex. |
Yes, healthy marriages are the result of people discussing key issues BEFORE marriage and continuing into the marriage. Discussing finances, kids, work life balance, dealing with IL/family are all key parts. Finances are one of THE MAJOR reasons people divorce. I got married straight out of grad school. We had discussed all of these things prior. We both were on same page to work hard/live frugal life to pay off our student loans (I Had $15K, spouse had $80K) and then continue for another year to save downpayment for a house. We knew that I might want to be a SAHP and planned financially for that. That is what people who want a healthy marriage do. You don't get married and have kids then discuss for first time if you can SAHP. Well you don't do that if you want a successful marriage. |
Bottom line is that your brother paid off the debt indirectly. He used his income to pay for the family’s living expenses while she used her for her personal expenses including her debt. Your brother could have said. I pay your debt and you use your money for the family’s expenses. The result is the same. |
Now it's the debt free person's fault, not the indebted physician with expensive taste? And we're in la la land where a male doctor would reveal his unmasculine masterplan to pressure his debt free new wife to pay off his loans after they wed. If he asked her parents to marry their daughter, he should've disclosed to them his plan was to get their successful debt free daughter to pay off his loans. All cards on the table, right. |
*Correction: predates first introduction |
I honestly don’t get how this would work.If she makes 100K and he makes 50K and uses 10K of it to pay down his debt.… their household is 140K. If she makes 100K and he makes 50K, and they each pay 5K, their household brings in 140K. Unless they each have 100% their own accounts, expenses, spending money, etc. And then divide everything in half with the household expenses, kids and everything going forward. But then, they’re saving for a down payment together and the interest rate on bills like their mortgage depends on their joint household income/debt, so it’s all ends up being the same. |
This. This is exactly what should have happened. I remember having this conversation bc if i had found out he had a ton of credit card debt it would have been a deal breaker. Student debt i could have worked with. I was the one with the student loan, but it wasn't that much. |
Her parents would never have been part of the discussion. Unless there was a dowry and who does that anymore? Presumably she was not her father’s property and entered into this marriage on her own free will. |
+1. We absolutely had this conversation before we got married. I knew his credit score, his outstanding loans, credit card debt, what interest rates he was paying, etc. I wasn't going to mess up all the work I had done to make sure I was financially strong to be messed up by marrying a bozo. |
My saint husband paid off $60k of grad school debt for me (over time, low interest rate, not lump sum) as I SAH with our children. He knew I had this debt when we married, and also that I wanted to SAH. He was completely supportive of both but I would never have married him without disclosing! We celebrate 20 years of marriage this year and I have not used my grad degree since, although I do now work PT in an unrelated field. He is a high earner and was not phased by this at all. I don't know if his parents knew about my student loans or not, but if they did they never indicated any concern over it. We are all close. |
Exactly. They need to figure out what makes sense financially longterm as a couple and it may be that she pays a lot of the debt. However, she should protect herself with a post nup in the event of a divorce. |