Claire Danes expecting baby #3

[Anonymous]

Most of the women in my family have pcos. It’s a horrible syndrome but there is one potential silver lining: for many of us it’s actually easier to get and stay pregnant mid thirties into forties. It’s after the peak inflammatory and androgenic years when eggs and embryos are most compromised. We have multiple natural 40-42 pregnancies—two after unsuccessful fertility treatments! None later than that. 45 is not 42 just as 43 is not 40. All this is to say that fertility is a complicated issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noted all that. It says exactly what I think it does. Adjusting for all confounding factors, women 40-45 indeed get pregnant, and not as an incredible rarity.

An average 40 year old is also very different than an average 43 year old. By the time you hit 43, your odds of pregnancy each month is 1%. It’s 5% at age 40.

-NP

The study also does not have any 45 year old. Oldest was 44 and wonder how many of those there were. Likely not many

[Anonymous]

This thread is pretty horrible for me to read. I just had a baby at 42, my third. She’s perfect and we feel so blessed. Is it more selfish to have a baby you can’t support? Without a family? Without means? Is you’re unhealthy? I know people who fit into all those categories and it never occurred to me to think of them as selfish. Age is such a weird trigger on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another challenge in the stats is that most women over 40 are not trying to get pregnant. So fertility is even harder to gauge.

I have a 60-something colleague who was born when her mom was 50. It happens.

I think the reverse is also true; there are increasingly fewer early twenties women actively trying to get pregnant and birth control is pretty reliable, so it's unclear if their issues at 35 are due to age alone or they would have struggled as well when younger.

I know a lot of 30-something professionals who were great with birth control until they were 35+, assuming it was all like Brunch Granny said, they'd struggle, need IVF, etc. who were horrified (in a good way, but still shocked to their cores...) it took like a month or two. A lot of the data available is very dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you read menopause threads, it hits at a wide range of ages. I am almost 48 and still have periods like clockwork and no signs of perimenopause. I recently had my hormone levels tested and while that isn't anything definitive, they were still the same as they were fifteen years ago. While I have no idea if a pregnancy would be viable at this point, I have no doubt I am still fertile.

43 is young!

43 is young for many things, but not birthing babies. Come on, now.

+1. Getting pregnant at this age is less than 5% per cycle. It might work for some women but the "oh, it happened to so and so" is just ridiculous. I know that women want to hear that they can have kids whenever they want, but it's just not true. We're doing ourselves a disservice by continuing this lie. The truth should be - If you wait until you are 40+, you will most likely not reproductive assistance. It will be difficult to get pregnant for most women. There is a slight chance that you get pregnant naturally but you shouldn't bank on it.

Is that so hard?

This forum is full of lonely aging women who lie to themselves that they’ll still find mister right and have kids. It’s gross.

That really was a very cruel remark. Why would you say something like that? Why is it gross for ANY person to want to fall in love and have a family? It’s gross that you would make a mean spirited comment directed at women who are most likely facing the terribly sad journey through infertility.

PP is just mad that she missed out on a fun social life because she was busy changing diapers at 21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

Yes, they are genuinely deluded about their age and fertility because they on avg wasted 10-15 years of life away on pointless zoom calls, PowerPoints, and job hopping. They will never fess up to this, of course. Even after painful and humiliating and sometimes futile fertility treatment. They seem to get off on brainwashing and misleading women younger than them. It’s sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you read menopause threads, it hits at a wide range of ages. I am almost 48 and still have periods like clockwork and no signs of perimenopause. I recently had my hormone levels tested and while that isn't anything definitive, they were still the same as they were fifteen years ago. While I have no idea if a pregnancy would be viable at this point, I have no doubt I am still fertile.

43 is young!

43 is young for many things, but not birthing babies. Come on, now.

+1. Getting pregnant at this age is less than 5% per cycle. It might work for some women but the "oh, it happened to so and so" is just ridiculous. I know that women want to hear that they can have kids whenever they want, but it's just not true. We're doing ourselves a disservice by continuing this lie. The truth should be - If you wait until you are 40+, you will most likely not reproductive assistance. It will be difficult to get pregnant for most women. There is a slight chance that you get pregnant naturally but you shouldn't bank on it.

Is that so hard?

This forum is full of lonely aging women who lie to themselves that they’ll still find mister right and have kids. It’s gross.

That really was a very cruel remark. Why would you say something like that? Why is it gross for ANY person to want to fall in love and have a family? It’s gross that you would make a mean spirited comment directed at women who are most likely facing the terribly sad journey through infertility.

Because your projection involves cyberbullying and spewing misinformation and disinformation which you know is false. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to others about reproduction science and human biology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had an unplanned pregnancy at around age 45. She already had 4 kids and her family doc actually advised her abort because he thought her body was too old to handle it, even though she had no complications before and had normal deliveries. Seems outrageous that her doctor recommended that. I’m still sad, would have liked a younger sister (but no idea what gender was).
Some women are just fertile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

Yes, they are genuinely deluded about their age and fertility because they on avg wasted 10-15 years of life away on pointless zoom calls, PowerPoints, and job hopping. They will never fess up to this, of course. Even after painful and humiliating and sometimes futile fertility treatment. They seem to get off on brainwashing and misleading women younger than them. It’s sick.

I've never undergone any fertility treatment at all, and I have kids (both conceived easily within a couple months of starting to try, after the age of 37). I'm glad I focused on my career before having kids because it put me in a comfortable financial position and also helped me build a strong track record and an extensive network in my career, which made it easier for me to take time off to SAHM and then re-enter the workforce in a part-time, flexible role that allows me to be present in my kids lives. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone but I am happy to share my story as a counterpoint to the "you will die barren and alone!" brainwashing I was absolutely targeted with in my 20s when the guys I dated were all immature and kind of awful and I chose to focus on my career in part because the opportunities for marriage/children just weren't there. I held out for a good man who shared my goals, married at 35, and we have a great life together.

I know I'm lucky that I didn't have fertility issues, but I also... exist. You can sit there and say that everyone who disagrees with you is bitter and regrets their life choices, but I'm totally happy with my choices and would make them again. You are the one who sounds bitter and I don't understand why. Are you a woman who had kids young and resent missing out on the freedom and career success that becoming a mom early might have made more difficult? Are you a man who is mad that more women aren't eager to settled down with you at age 26 to have kids? I sincerely doubt you're a woman who has struggled with infertility because I have known many of those and not one of them would talk about it in the terms you do, no matter their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

The New York Times had a recent viral article about female MEDICAL DOCTORS in their 30s who were totally clueless about their (lack of) fertility, so imagine the reproduction ideas circling the brains of the average liberal arts grad in the District.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to a simple “congratulations” when someone announces a pregnancy?

Because rich celebrities trafficking dis and misinformation about women's fertility and health is disgusting and should be called out.

Go away, misogynist.

Women can choose when they want to brunch. And when they want to procreate. And it’s not on your timeline.

Actually we can't. It becomes nearly impossible to get pregnant naturally for most women after age 35.

LOL. You are either trying to troll or you have no idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

Yes, they are genuinely deluded about their age and fertility because they on avg wasted 10-15 years of life away on pointless zoom calls, PowerPoints, and job hopping. They will never fess up to this, of course. Even after painful and humiliating and sometimes futile fertility treatment. They seem to get off on brainwashing and misleading women younger than them. It’s sick.

I've never undergone any fertility treatment at all, and I have kids (both conceived easily within a couple months of starting to try, after the age of 37). I'm glad I focused on my career before having kids because it put me in a comfortable financial position and also helped me build a strong track record and an extensive network in my career, which made it easier for me to take time off to SAHM and then re-enter the workforce in a part-time, flexible role that allows me to be present in my kids lives. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone but I am happy to share my story as a counterpoint to the "you will die barren and alone!" brainwashing I was absolutely targeted with in my 20s when the guys I dated were all immature and kind of awful and I chose to focus on my career in part because the opportunities for marriage/children just weren't there. I held out for a good man who shared my goals, married at 35, and we have a great life together.

I know I'm lucky that I didn't have fertility issues, but I also... exist. You can sit there and say that everyone who disagrees with you is bitter and regrets their life choices, but I'm totally happy with my choices and would make them again. You are the one who sounds bitter and I don't understand why. Are you a woman who had kids young and resent missing out on the freedom and career success that becoming a mom early might have made more difficult? Are you a man who is mad that more women aren't eager to settled down with you at age 26 to have kids? I sincerely doubt you're a woman who has struggled with infertility because I have known many of those and not one of them would talk about it in the terms you do, no matter their age.

You’re perpetuating more falsehoods and hostile propaganda that women’s careers are held back because of kids. It’s laughably absurd you’d traffic such ridiculous retrograde propaganda on a forum based in one of the most affluent and progressive power centers on the globe. Where any college educated woman can get all of her world class health care paid for and get 6 months paid maternity leave — and then job hop at the end for a fat raise. What motivates you to lie like this? Coping or something more sinister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

Yes, they are genuinely deluded about their age and fertility because they on avg wasted 10-15 years of life away on pointless zoom calls, PowerPoints, and job hopping. They will never fess up to this, of course. Even after painful and humiliating and sometimes futile fertility treatment. They seem to get off on brainwashing and misleading women younger than them. It’s sick.

I've never undergone any fertility treatment at all, and I have kids (both conceived easily within a couple months of starting to try, after the age of 37). I'm glad I focused on my career before having kids because it put me in a comfortable financial position and also helped me build a strong track record and an extensive network in my career, which made it easier for me to take time off to SAHM and then re-enter the workforce in a part-time, flexible role that allows me to be present in my kids lives. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone but I am happy to share my story as a counterpoint to the "you will die barren and alone!" brainwashing I was absolutely targeted with in my 20s when the guys I dated were all immature and kind of awful and I chose to focus on my career in part because the opportunities for marriage/children just weren't there. I held out for a good man who shared my goals, married at 35, and we have a great life together.

I know I'm lucky that I didn't have fertility issues, but I also... exist. You can sit there and say that everyone who disagrees with you is bitter and regrets their life choices, but I'm totally happy with my choices and would make them again. You are the one who sounds bitter and I don't understand why. Are you a woman who had kids young and resent missing out on the freedom and career success that becoming a mom early might have made more difficult? Are you a man who is mad that more women aren't eager to settled down with you at age 26 to have kids? I sincerely doubt you're a woman who has struggled with infertility because I have known many of those and not one of them would talk about it in the terms you do, no matter their age.

You’re perpetuating more falsehoods and hostile propaganda that women’s careers are held back because of kids. It’s laughably absurd you’d traffic such ridiculous retrograde propaganda on a forum based in one of the most affluent and progressive power centers on the globe. Where any college educated woman can get all of her world class health care paid for and get 6 months paid maternity leave — and then job hop at the end for a fat raise. What motivates you to lie like this? Coping or something more sinister?

DP. So much hostility. Can you put a lid on it please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

Yes, they are genuinely deluded about their age and fertility because they on avg wasted 10-15 years of life away on pointless zoom calls, PowerPoints, and job hopping. They will never fess up to this, of course. Even after painful and humiliating and sometimes futile fertility treatment. They seem to get off on brainwashing and misleading women younger than them. It’s sick.

I've never undergone any fertility treatment at all, and I have kids (both conceived easily within a couple months of starting to try, after the age of 37). I'm glad I focused on my career before having kids because it put me in a comfortable financial position and also helped me build a strong track record and an extensive network in my career, which made it easier for me to take time off to SAHM and then re-enter the workforce in a part-time, flexible role that allows me to be present in my kids lives. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone but I am happy to share my story as a counterpoint to the "you will die barren and alone!" brainwashing I was absolutely targeted with in my 20s when the guys I dated were all immature and kind of awful and I chose to focus on my career in part because the opportunities for marriage/children just weren't there. I held out for a good man who shared my goals, married at 35, and we have a great life together.

I know I'm lucky that I didn't have fertility issues, but I also... exist. You can sit there and say that everyone who disagrees with you is bitter and regrets their life choices, but I'm totally happy with my choices and would make them again. You are the one who sounds bitter and I don't understand why. Are you a woman who had kids young and resent missing out on the freedom and career success that becoming a mom early might have made more difficult? Are you a man who is mad that more women aren't eager to settled down with you at age 26 to have kids? I sincerely doubt you're a woman who has struggled with infertility because I have known many of those and not one of them would talk about it in the terms you do, no matter their age.

You’re perpetuating more falsehoods and hostile propaganda that women’s careers are held back because of kids. It’s laughably absurd you’d traffic such ridiculous retrograde propaganda on a forum based in one of the most affluent and progressive power centers on the globe. Where any college educated woman can get all of her world class health care paid for and get 6 months paid maternity leave — and then job hop at the end for a fat raise. What motivates you to lie like this? Coping or something more sinister?

You should really be in therapy to figure out why this topic is so triggering to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still on a regular cycle and I turned 50 in Nov!!! I have skipped a couple months starting last year but still. I have 2 friends who got pregnant naturally at ages 42/43 so it is 100% possible to have an accident - in fact I would think it's possible for me to get pregnant even though I do not want to with 2 kids over 10 now. The story is whether having kids 10 yrs apart is too exhausting. For me, no way would I want it. The sleepless nights would kill me although I will admit it would be comforting to know what to expect. Also if I had 2 sane gender kids I would be more likely to embrace a 3rd. I have friends that ended up that path and couldn't be happier as moms at 40 with newborns.

Have you lost your mind? Just because you haven’t hit menopause doesn’t mean you are fertile. You can have a period with no viable eggs.

Do women in this area honestly believe that they’ll be naturally pregnant at 50? Just wow

Yes, they are genuinely deluded about their age and fertility because they on avg wasted 10-15 years of life away on pointless zoom calls, PowerPoints, and job hopping. They will never fess up to this, of course. Even after painful and humiliating and sometimes futile fertility treatment. They seem to get off on brainwashing and misleading women younger than them. It’s sick.

I've never undergone any fertility treatment at all, and I have kids (both conceived easily within a couple months of starting to try, after the age of 37). I'm glad I focused on my career before having kids because it put me in a comfortable financial position and also helped me build a strong track record and an extensive network in my career, which made it easier for me to take time off to SAHM and then re-enter the workforce in a part-time, flexible role that allows me to be present in my kids lives. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone but I am happy to share my story as a counterpoint to the "you will die barren and alone!" brainwashing I was absolutely targeted with in my 20s when the guys I dated were all immature and kind of awful and I chose to focus on my career in part because the opportunities for marriage/children just weren't there. I held out for a good man who shared my goals, married at 35, and we have a great life together.

I know I'm lucky that I didn't have fertility issues, but I also... exist. You can sit there and say that everyone who disagrees with you is bitter and regrets their life choices, but I'm totally happy with my choices and would make them again. You are the one who sounds bitter and I don't understand why. Are you a woman who had kids young and resent missing out on the freedom and career success that becoming a mom early might have made more difficult? Are you a man who is mad that more women aren't eager to settled down with you at age 26 to have kids? I sincerely doubt you're a woman who has struggled with infertility because I have known many of those and not one of them would talk about it in the terms you do, no matter their age.

You’re perpetuating more falsehoods and hostile propaganda that women’s careers are held back because of kids. It’s laughably absurd you’d traffic such ridiculous retrograde propaganda on a forum based in one of the most affluent and progressive power centers on the globe. Where any college educated woman can get all of her world class health care paid for and get 6 months paid maternity leave — and then job hop at the end for a fat raise. What motivates you to lie like this? Coping or something more sinister?

You are off your rocker. I’m a different poster. In fact one who did get exactly 6 months of maternity leave, and returned to look for a new job within the company that did result in a raise. It’s still hard being a working mom with a young kid. I have two, who I had at 29 and 32. There is no easy age to be a working mother and all it entails. I certainly get why some women choose to push it off. You are pushing another agenda that everyone has to have kids at the same time. It’s obviously a fact that fertility declines with one’s age. But maybe children aren’t everyone’s end all be all, and when they decide to start a family at 37, they accept that it could happen or not. We should be happy for them if it does.