Do you ever just want to cry, or wish you had normal kids?

[Anonymous]

When the camp calls for the umpteenth day in a row about yet another problem, and both kids are struggling, some days it's just really hard to take. And it's worse during the school year. Do you ever wonder what it must be like to have normal kids?

[Anonymous]

(((((((hugs)))))))). I've been there with one of my kids. I am in a good phase now...a nice long lived rainbow after what seemed like an endless storm. My challenging kid has somehow morphed into a well behaved kid...for now. I tried to remind myself "this too shall pass" but when things were bad I think I must have cried daily. It made things worse when I dealt with people who seemed to have little empathy. Heck I cried when someone showed me empathy. I also found it so hard to relax. I was constantly waiting for something else bad to happen. I wish you lots of strength and no more calls from camp!!

[Anonymous]

Oh, you poor thing.

I have a "normal" DC2 and a quirky DC1. It is positively regenerating to interact with DC2 after battling all day with DC1. So much so that I worry how it affects DC1, to see me so happy with DC2! He asked recently: "Do you love DC2 more than me?" Of course I don't, but right now it is true she acts as a balm. I fully expect to get my comeuppance when she becomes a surly, "normal" teenager!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this is why I choose special needs programs for the summer and whenever I can. Its so stressful to get those calls. The specialized programs (often pricey, alas) know how to take care of DS so its much less stressful for him and me.

Hang in there. When you are in the middle of it things can feel so much worse than they actually are.

[Anonymous]

This has been a challenging summer for me. Both kids are SN in their own way. One with autism goes to summer school, the other with ADHD is doing the camp thing. Every day that I pick up my DS with ADHD, I am worried about the feedback I may get. Thankfully, it's been really positive. We started him on medication and it really has made a difference. My autistic daughter, however, is really sad and upset on a daily basis that she doesn't get to go to camp with big brother, especially when the camp counselors ask her, "Are you coming to camp today? When can you come to camp?" They mean well, and I'm not sure she understands all of what they are saying, but she definitely senses that there is a difference: her brother can stay, she cannot. I've found it to be very emotional. It's different from what you're going through OP, but the sentiment is the same .

[Anonymous]

Every single day.

At 6, my son is much better than he used to be but I would love it if he was more flexible and conversational. He also gets very hyper when overstimulated.

The other day, when I picked him up from camp, one of the other boys came up to me and said, "That kid is crazy" - meaning my son. It breaks my heart that he has such a hard time making friends. I don't want him to always be the weird kid in the group.

[Anonymous]

10:17 here. That is heartbreaking. I've heard a lot of comments this summer about my daughter from other kids. They want me to remove her from their play area, they yell at her that they don't want to play with her, they ask her, "Why are you so weird?" With my son, it's getting a bit easier. He's made some new friends this summer, but once his medicine wears off, his impulsivity takes over...and he either plays by himself away from everyone else, or causes problems and makes the kids angry with him. The end result is the same in that he ends up being a bit isolated. I always thought things would become a bit easier as my kids got older. Maybe this is just a new phase and I need to adapt to it.

[Anonymous]

I wonder all the time what our lives would be like if our child didn't have all the medical and developmental issues. But then I think about the families we know who lost their children and the loss they feel in not having their child here at all with them. That's what gets me through the bad days -- remembering how lucky we are that our child survived and is still here fighting each day.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who mentioned that it is often easier to use the programs that specialize in special needs, which is what we usually do. However, we are in Fairfax County and had a pleasant surprise this year when we gave up our nanny and put our 11-year-old in SACC (Fairfax County's after-school program). The teachers are wonderful and he has made friends with the typically developing kids, who usually don't have the chance to spend that kind of quality time with him during school hours. Every day is like a reasonably priced social skills class! He is participating in, and enjoying, their summer program this summer.

[Anonymous]

Want to empathize with the poster who wrote always being on edge. During our morning commute after we drop off typically developing child at his camp bus and haul across the city to the special needs kid's specialized city, my husband made a comment about how ive lost my sense of humor and ability to banter....but things are hard when you have a special needs kid, unfortunately...

[Anonymous]

Also keep in mind that the mainstream camps are mostly staffed by teenagers and college students. They just aren't going to do as well managing our kids as teachers do during the school year.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret this journey for one moment. The friends I've made and the information I've learned is life-changing. Granted, my family life seems very chaotic, that is a minus right now. But my son is getting better and I now have my eyes wide open. I have new sensitivities that did not exist before autism/cancer. And I have new-found compassion for special needs people which I never felt before....I used to just be scared of them.

Now that doesn't mean that I don't wish my son to be better. I have spent a ridiculous amount of hours researching supplements, therapies, curative measures to make a difference in my son's life. And they have paid off greatly. When my son is recovered, we will all be better for it. I have cherished this journey, but now it's time for the autism to go away!!

[Anonymous]

Yes there are days that I envy my friends "normal" high achieving kids as I rack my brain how to help my kid focus enough to barely stay on grade level. What have I learned about from my child's ADHD and anxiety is to empathize a lot more with my mother and what I used to see as her shortcomings as she struggled with ADHD and my brother ADHD. I have had to become more reflective about my own perceptions of other people and what makes them smart. So yes I do cry not sure I would want to meet the person who does not have some regrets, but also I have come to appreciate the better me.

[Anonymous]

Why don't we all get together and have our kids play with each other? My six year old DD could definitely use some other quirky friends to play with