Interracial Families / Transracial adoption

[Anonymous]

We (two white women) are considering fostering/adopting here in DC. Does anyone have any experience with interracial families/transracial adoption that they could share? We are open to adopting a child of any race/ethnicity, but wonder about the issues they will face in our (not gentrified, not by a long shot) neighborhood. Will they be ridiculed? Will being from an LGBT family AND a white family be very difficult for them? Race is so complicated, are we naive to think that we could be good for kids who don't look like us? We'll be asking the social workers these same questions, but if anyone has any personal experience to share, I'd really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Race is complicated. Get a good community base organization (Church/temple). Kid is better off with you then with many other people- signed soon to be single AF mommie of biracial child.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I were adopted from Korea to a white family (they are straight, so can't speak to your LGBT aspect) and for much of our lives, lived in a non-diverse community. We experienced a lot of racism from both Caucasian and African-American people and while our parents were sympathetic, they definitely didn't understand the impact of that racism. While you most likely won't be able to truly understand racism and how it feels, surely your status of being the "other" will help you be much more empathetic and sympathetic. I have also adopted from Korea and while my husband is Caucasian, there are many, many places in the US that I refuse to move to b/c of the lack of diversity (in all senses- not just racially) that would impact my children and me.

I personally wouldn't let the racial issue stop you from adopting but would definitely really ponder the implications of having a transracial/inter-racial family and that sometimes, love isn't enough. Being aware of it is the first step though, which you've already taken.

Good luck with your adoption- it's a very rewarding and wonderful journey!

[Anonymous]

Lesbian here who adopted a child of another race. We're all fine, but there are times when it creates different experiences than our kids were all the same race. For one, the adoption issue is front and center because it's obvious. Not such a big deal. But, sometimes we've found that people don't acknowledge us as the parent(s). For example, we were at a water park and one of my kids didn't have on a life vest that was apparently required. The staff asked me if I knew who her mom was so they could talk to her. No matter how many times my daughter and I said I was the mom, the staff member refused to acknowledge me as the parent. My friends who have adopted interracially all have at least one such story.
The lesbian thing isn't a big deal, but we are in DC. Not sure I'd want to live elsewhere with my biracial lesbian parented kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Race is complicated. Get a good community base organization (Church/temple). Kid is better off with you then with many other people- signed soon to be single AF mommie of biracial child.

Yes and if you are worried he or she might be teased because of your relationship he might. My community tends to be embarrassingly and hypocritically homophobic. But,the teasing will not out balance the good of being in a stable home. Also, kids are mean and will tease. So even if you were a straight black couple s/he would be teased for coming from the Huxtables. Go and spread your love!

[Anonymous]

Two white dads with a Latino child. Look for a diverse school, expand your circle of friends if it's not already diverse, try to live in a diverse community, try to find same-race role models for your kids. Perhaps just as importantly, find other adoptive families like yours. You can't avoid racism or homophobia completely, but organizing your life so that your child doesn't constantly stand out helps a great deal. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Thank you all so much for your input. I think we're going to go ahead with the process, and keep reading and asking questions along the way.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. In addition to educating yourselves regarding race and same sex parenting issues, you might want to also educate yourself about things such as the risk of disabilities that your child/ren might face. I have to say that the race and same sex parenting issues are far easier than dealing with the neurological impact that drinking and environmental deprivation had on one of my kids.

[Anonymous]

14:05, thank you for your thoughts. My better half is an early childhood special ed teacher, so that part we are more familiar with. (Not that we know what it means to parent a SN kid, but we at least have much more info on that front)

Thanks again all.