Neighbors want to hang out. I don't, but want to be on friendly terms.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:for gods sakes, just go to a social event every once in a while. your time is not so precious that you can't do two or three one hour social events with your neighbors every year

Actually, my time is that precious. I am not wasting time I could spend with my kids. I work a lot. My time is for me and my family. That is it. I don’t do neighbor events.

Your kids are part of the neighborhood, are they not?

No. They go to a private school. We don’t to neighborhood stuff. I grew up in a rural area. I hate the suburbs. No kids their age anyway. We have our own friends.

So…you picked a house in a location you hate where it seems you spent zero effort to see if there were kids of similar age (a pretty common thing to do…or you look for couples that seem like they also are ready to start a family)…did you also make sure it feeds into a bad school district and is located next to a garbage dump?

No, FCPS sucks. We pulled our kids out. I am also divorced and there are two houses in very nice neighborhoods. We are not interested in judgy and annoying neighbors. We also have very serious and time-consuming extracurriculars EVERY DAY. There is zero time for nonsense. When we moved to the first neighborhood when kids were 1 and 4, there were ZERO kids in the neighborhood. Most people had kids launched already.

Serious extracurriculars EVERY DAY? No time for nonsense? I feel terrible for you and your children—what a life. A daily dose of nonsense is what everyone needs for their mental health.

Dude, if you have one kid in swim (practices 2-3 times a week, meets on at least one weekend day) and one in soccer (practices 2-3 times a week, games most weekends, tournaments that can take multiple days) there goes your whole week. If your kid also plays an instrument, or does any school clubs, or scouts, or you have more than two kids...

You're on a parenting board. This shouldn't be foreign to you.

That is all a choice. This is way too overscheeduled.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:for gods sakes, just go to a social event every once in a while. your time is not so precious that you can't do two or three one hour social events with your neighbors every year

Actually, my time is that precious. I am not wasting time I could spend with my kids. I work a lot. My time is for me and my family. That is it. I don’t do neighbor events.

There are so many people living lifestyles like this now. My neighborhood is full of dual income workers who seemingly only hang out with their immediate family. It’s such an isolated way to live and everyone is missing out.

It’s such a stark difference from the lifestyle of my parents or grandparents where families socialized and kids ran around.

People seem so unhappy now and it makes sense. If you can’t even get together with a neighbor there is something very wrong.

I’m Gen X and I didn’t have that kind of lifestyle when I was a kid; my baby boomer parents did. Get with the times. I only see my own friends three times a year and we live locally. I don’t have time to see neighbors. I don’t give a crap about neighbors. I have my own friends I can’t see and I want my weekends with my kids. I don’t have other time to waste on nonsense.

Is this a fun lifestyle? I can’t imagine that it is. Only hanging out with your immediate family and seeing friends once in a blue moon sounds very isolating. Are you spending a lot of time on the internet? There’s so much anxiety and depression and I can’t imagine it’s not partly caused from a lifestyle with absolutely no sense of community. Is your spouse ok? What about your kids? I know a woman living like this and her spouse is miserable.

Have you given any thought to the forces that might be causing so many people to live like this? Or do you just like to criticize?

I’m genuinely curious what is driving someone to only hang out with their family, and see friends 3x a year. There seems to be a lot of this going on and my guess is it’s the internet.

DP. This past weekend I went to a baseball game with immediate family, took kid to a long b'day party (not drop off), went to church, hosted a playdate at our house, cleaned the house and got groceries, prepped food for the week, and called my parents and an old friend of mine. I actually did see my own friends Sunday night, but that meant DH had to stay home so I could go out. We are lucky grandparents are out of town right now because we are overdue for a visit with them.
That all involved a lot of socializing, but not a lot of time for stuff I actually want to do. I didn't even get to all the chores I need to do, let alone sit down and watch a TV show with DH. There's definitely not time to wedge in neighbors.

So…do you go to a baseball game and a non-drop off birthday party every weekend (is your kid 3 or younger?). Because that’s 8+ hours of time that just opened.

Nobody is talking about hanging with the neighbors every weekend…just every now and then.

We do something, yes. Maybe it's a museum instead of a game, or the pool instead of a party. We volunteer. We camp. I've got a bunch of gardening/weeding that needs attention but I never have time.

It's fine if you want to prioritize neighbors, but the idea that life is empty if you can't find time for neighbors is just silly.

Who is prioritizing neighbors if it’s a couple of times per year?

You don’t have the time for weeding because it’s a chore that nobody wants to do…you have plenty of time to do it but like all humans, you would rather do something else.

Like you will just purposely skip an annual block party because you just have to go to a museum or the pool?

My God. Who is this pushy about finding time in someone else’s schedule? I’d never want to spend time with someone who didn’t want to be there. Let people do what they want with their free time. Why would you want to be a chore on someone else’s list?

People are allowed to be different. Spend less time trying to make people change to your tastes and more time finding people who already suit your tastes. You’ll be happier.

The bolded is peak self-care.

It's so completely self-centering and self-indulgent to demand someone else's presence or attention. I bet these people blew through all the family, work friend, and other "obligatory" social connections with the same selfishness, so they're now recruiting their neighbors to leech that narcissistic supply and attention. Creepy and gross!

And it’s completely self centered and indulgent to assume that someone you chat even share a social drink with on a Tuesday night wants to water your plants or pick up your Amazon packages. People are only there to serve your needs? That’s creepy and gross.

Weird take, wacko. Most people who leave their houses recognize the value of having local community for the occasional neighborly task. So either you live alone in the woods somewhere (which would explain a lot, actually), or you would rather hire someone to take in your mail when you're out? These are the things decent neighbors do for each other, and they're reciprocal, not exploitative. The point is that these things don't obligate deeper social connections, or actual friendships.

Where the hell were some of y'all raised, and by whom, that this is so hard to process?

You are describing a unicorn is the problem. There isn’t a single neighbor where we live that is fine grabbing mail and watering plants that also refuses to ever engage beyond that. It’s just very strange to be apparently so friendly and neighborly but then decline I guess every invitation for even just a block party.

Now we have several that both don’t engage but also never reach out to help with anything.

TIL I'm a unicorn

I'm completely content to grab a package, water plants, give ingredients for recipes, and even occasionally check on pets for my neighbors. They've invited me to socialize when they're hosting gatherings, but I decline. No guilt, no games.

+1

And my parents were similar when I was growing up, so it seems normal to me. They were friendly acquaintances with the neighbors (would chat when they see each other etc), always willing to lend a hand; but they did not really socialize with them otherwise. And my parents had a lot of friends.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People are really committed to being anti-social. Congrats on having a hobby, I guess

Not wanting to hang out with your neighbors is not antisocial at all. People choose to spend their time with people they want to spend their time with and many people would not spend their time with neighbors when they could spend it with other people. You live in a bubble.

The post above you says you don’t even need to acknowledge your neighbors. Anti social.

I didn’t write that post that says I don’t need to acknowledge them.

It’s not antisocial when you wanna spend time with other people instead of neighbors and by the way in my neighborhood, my neighbors are 25 years older than me who are retired with launched children with kids that are only five years younger than my kids age. No one wants to hang out with people were 25 years older and a completely different life stage. Eyeroll.

To not *acknowledge* your neighbor is indeed antisocial.

As for who wants to hang out with whom, I live on actually diverse street. People who think like you are boring and small-minded as well.

Judging people you barely know is anti-social too, clownshoes. Let people mind their own business while you mind yours.

You didn’t defend PP’s (or your) stance on not socializing with the people who are older than you. Rather you just insulted me. I see you for who you are, and it’s not a very nice person.

You don't see me at all, or you'd know that I already dropped my take on this thread and don't need to argue with your dumb ass about it because you're boring and small-minded which is why you project those things onto strangers. Sorry your mirrors are so ugly.

Yes, you sound high minded. And fun! I am sure you have lots of friends. Keep telling us all about it on the internet.

DP, but you're the one sitting here antagonizing an anon you don't even know. You sound unfriendly, and unhinged.

Dear Friendly Person, thank you so much for dropping by to post your insults! I see you!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:for gods sakes, just go to a social event every once in a while. your time is not so precious that you can't do two or three one hour social events with your neighbors every year

Actually, my time is that precious. I am not wasting time I could spend with my kids. I work a lot. My time is for me and my family. That is it. I don’t do neighbor events.

There are so many people living lifestyles like this now. My neighborhood is full of dual income workers who seemingly only hang out with their immediate family. It’s such an isolated way to live and everyone is missing out.

It’s such a stark difference from the lifestyle of my parents or grandparents where families socialized and kids ran around.

People seem so unhappy now and it makes sense. If you can’t even get together with a neighbor there is something very wrong.

I’m Gen X and I didn’t have that kind of lifestyle when I was a kid; my baby boomer parents did. Get with the times. I only see my own friends three times a year and we live locally. I don’t have time to see neighbors. I don’t give a crap about neighbors. I have my own friends I can’t see and I want my weekends with my kids. I don’t have other time to waste on nonsense.

Is this a fun lifestyle? I can’t imagine that it is. Only hanging out with your immediate family and seeing friends once in a blue moon sounds very isolating. Are you spending a lot of time on the internet? There’s so much anxiety and depression and I can’t imagine it’s not partly caused from a lifestyle with absolutely no sense of community. Is your spouse ok? What about your kids? I know a woman living like this and her spouse is miserable.

Have you given any thought to the forces that might be causing so many people to live like this? Or do you just like to criticize?

I’m genuinely curious what is driving someone to only hang out with their family, and see friends 3x a year. There seems to be a lot of this going on and my guess is it’s the internet.

DP. This past weekend I went to a baseball game with immediate family, took kid to a long b'day party (not drop off), went to church, hosted a playdate at our house, cleaned the house and got groceries, prepped food for the week, and called my parents and an old friend of mine. I actually did see my own friends Sunday night, but that meant DH had to stay home so I could go out. We are lucky grandparents are out of town right now because we are overdue for a visit with them.
That all involved a lot of socializing, but not a lot of time for stuff I actually want to do. I didn't even get to all the chores I need to do, let alone sit down and watch a TV show with DH. There's definitely not time to wedge in neighbors.

So…do you go to a baseball game and a non-drop off birthday party every weekend (is your kid 3 or younger?). Because that’s 8+ hours of time that just opened.

Nobody is talking about hanging with the neighbors every weekend…just every now and then.

We do something, yes. Maybe it's a museum instead of a game, or the pool instead of a party. We volunteer. We camp. I've got a bunch of gardening/weeding that needs attention but I never have time.

It's fine if you want to prioritize neighbors, but the idea that life is empty if you can't find time for neighbors is just silly.

Who is prioritizing neighbors if it’s a couple of times per year?

You don’t have the time for weeding because it’s a chore that nobody wants to do…you have plenty of time to do it but like all humans, you would rather do something else.

Like you will just purposely skip an annual block party because you just have to go to a museum or the pool?

My God. Who is this pushy about finding time in someone else’s schedule? I’d never want to spend time with someone who didn’t want to be there. Let people do what they want with their free time. Why would you want to be a chore on someone else’s list?

People are allowed to be different. Spend less time trying to make people change to your tastes and more time finding people who already suit your tastes. You’ll be happier.

The bolded is peak self-care.

It's so completely self-centering and self-indulgent to demand someone else's presence or attention. I bet these people blew through all the family, work friend, and other "obligatory" social connections with the same selfishness, so they're now recruiting their neighbors to leech that narcissistic supply and attention. Creepy and gross!

And it’s completely self centered and indulgent to assume that someone you chat even share a social drink with on a Tuesday night wants to water your plants or pick up your Amazon packages. People are only there to serve your needs? That’s creepy and gross.

Weird take, wacko. Most people who leave their houses recognize the value of having local community for the occasional neighborly task. So either you live alone in the woods somewhere (which would explain a lot, actually), or you would rather hire someone to take in your mail when you're out? These are the things decent neighbors do for each other, and they're reciprocal, not exploitative. The point is that these things don't obligate deeper social connections, or actual friendships.

Where the hell were some of y'all raised, and by whom, that this is so hard to process?

Where the hell were we raised? I’d venture to guess many of us were raised to be kind to our neighbors and not think we were some how better than them. But this thread makes clear that not everyone was raised that way.

If you realize you're no better than your neighbors, then you don't force them to conform to your norms (e.g. make parties mandatory for admission into the neighborhood)

For a group of people who pride themselves on their intelligence, some of you post such unusual things! Who is lobbying for mandatory attendance at parties? And How do we make parties mandatory for admission into the neighborhood? Shall we write it into coop/condo documents? Shall we lobby our local and state assembly men and women to change our laws?

I certainly feel for some of you. You seem unduly confused about what people are suggesting in this thread.

[Anonymous]

We live in a neighborhood that goes nuts for Halloween with around 4 contiguous blocks going all out with decorations, closing down the street for a block party and hundreds of trick-or-treaters and adult treats/beverages as well.

It’s impossible to not engage with the neighbors nor would it ever be in your best interest not to.

I assume all realtors alert new buyers if for some reason they don’t know the reputation of the area.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:for gods sakes, just go to a social event every once in a while. your time is not so precious that you can't do two or three one hour social events with your neighbors every year

Actually, my time is that precious. I am not wasting time I could spend with my kids. I work a lot. My time is for me and my family. That is it. I don’t do neighbor events.

There are so many people living lifestyles like this now. My neighborhood is full of dual income workers who seemingly only hang out with their immediate family. It’s such an isolated way to live and everyone is missing out.

It’s such a stark difference from the lifestyle of my parents or grandparents where families socialized and kids ran around.

People seem so unhappy now and it makes sense. If you can’t even get together with a neighbor there is something very wrong.

I’m Gen X and I didn’t have that kind of lifestyle when I was a kid; my baby boomer parents did. Get with the times. I only see my own friends three times a year and we live locally. I don’t have time to see neighbors. I don’t give a crap about neighbors. I have my own friends I can’t see and I want my weekends with my kids. I don’t have other time to waste on nonsense.

Is this a fun lifestyle? I can’t imagine that it is. Only hanging out with your immediate family and seeing friends once in a blue moon sounds very isolating. Are you spending a lot of time on the internet? There’s so much anxiety and depression and I can’t imagine it’s not partly caused from a lifestyle with absolutely no sense of community. Is your spouse ok? What about your kids? I know a woman living like this and her spouse is miserable.

Have you given any thought to the forces that might be causing so many people to live like this? Or do you just like to criticize?

I’m genuinely curious what is driving someone to only hang out with their family, and see friends 3x a year. There seems to be a lot of this going on and my guess is it’s the internet.

DP. This past weekend I went to a baseball game with immediate family, took kid to a long b'day party (not drop off), went to church, hosted a playdate at our house, cleaned the house and got groceries, prepped food for the week, and called my parents and an old friend of mine. I actually did see my own friends Sunday night, but that meant DH had to stay home so I could go out. We are lucky grandparents are out of town right now because we are overdue for a visit with them.
That all involved a lot of socializing, but not a lot of time for stuff I actually want to do. I didn't even get to all the chores I need to do, let alone sit down and watch a TV show with DH. There's definitely not time to wedge in neighbors.

So…do you go to a baseball game and a non-drop off birthday party every weekend (is your kid 3 or younger?). Because that’s 8+ hours of time that just opened.

Nobody is talking about hanging with the neighbors every weekend…just every now and then.

We do something, yes. Maybe it's a museum instead of a game, or the pool instead of a party. We volunteer. We camp. I've got a bunch of gardening/weeding that needs attention but I never have time.

It's fine if you want to prioritize neighbors, but the idea that life is empty if you can't find time for neighbors is just silly.

Who is prioritizing neighbors if it’s a couple of times per year?

You don’t have the time for weeding because it’s a chore that nobody wants to do…you have plenty of time to do it but like all humans, you would rather do something else.

Like you will just purposely skip an annual block party because you just have to go to a museum or the pool?

My God. Who is this pushy about finding time in someone else’s schedule? I’d never want to spend time with someone who didn’t want to be there. Let people do what they want with their free time. Why would you want to be a chore on someone else’s list?

People are allowed to be different. Spend less time trying to make people change to your tastes and more time finding people who already suit your tastes. You’ll be happier.

The bolded is peak self-care.

It's so completely self-centering and self-indulgent to demand someone else's presence or attention. I bet these people blew through all the family, work friend, and other "obligatory" social connections with the same selfishness, so they're now recruiting their neighbors to leech that narcissistic supply and attention. Creepy and gross!

And it’s completely self centered and indulgent to assume that someone you chat even share a social drink with on a Tuesday night wants to water your plants or pick up your Amazon packages. People are only there to serve your needs? That’s creepy and gross.

Weird take, wacko. Most people who leave their houses recognize the value of having local community for the occasional neighborly task. So either you live alone in the woods somewhere (which would explain a lot, actually), or you would rather hire someone to take in your mail when you're out? These are the things decent neighbors do for each other, and they're reciprocal, not exploitative. The point is that these things don't obligate deeper social connections, or actual friendships.

Where the hell were some of y'all raised, and by whom, that this is so hard to process?

Where the hell were we raised? I’d venture to guess many of us were raised to be kind to our neighbors and not think we were some how better than them. But this thread makes clear that not everyone was raised that way.

If you realize you're no better than your neighbors, then you don't force them to conform to your norms (e.g. make parties mandatory for admission into the neighborhood)

For a group of people who pride themselves on their intelligence, some of you post such unusual things! Who is lobbying for mandatory attendance at parties? And How do we make parties mandatory for admission into the neighborhood? Shall we write it into coop/condo documents? Shall we lobby our local and state assembly men and women to change our laws?

I certainly feel for some of you. You seem unduly confused about what people are suggesting in this thread.

Mandatory participation in monthly social gatherings, enforced by block captains. Whoever wins the best baked good each time is allowed to miss 1 event sometime in the next 12 months, except the Christmas party. Everyone MUST attend the Christmas party including expressing the requisite amount of holiday cheer. Failure to do so will result in being forced to host the next 3 social gatherings.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:for gods sakes, just go to a social event every once in a while. your time is not so precious that you can't do two or three one hour social events with your neighbors every year

Actually, my time is that precious. I am not wasting time I could spend with my kids. I work a lot. My time is for me and my family. That is it. I don’t do neighbor events.

Your kids are part of the neighborhood, are they not?

No. They go to a private school. We don’t to neighborhood stuff. I grew up in a rural area. I hate the suburbs. No kids their age anyway. We have our own friends.

So…you picked a house in a location you hate where it seems you spent zero effort to see if there were kids of similar age (a pretty common thing to do…or you look for couples that seem like they also are ready to start a family)…did you also make sure it feeds into a bad school district and is located next to a garbage dump?

No, FCPS sucks. We pulled our kids out. I am also divorced and there are two houses in very nice neighborhoods. We are not interested in judgy and annoying neighbors. We also have very serious and time-consuming extracurriculars EVERY DAY. There is zero time for nonsense. When we moved to the first neighborhood when kids were 1 and 4, there were ZERO kids in the neighborhood. Most people had kids launched already.

Serious extracurriculars EVERY DAY? No time for nonsense? I feel terrible for you and your children—what a life. A daily dose of nonsense is what everyone needs for their mental health.

Dude, if you have one kid in swim (practices 2-3 times a week, meets on at least one weekend day) and one in soccer (practices 2-3 times a week, games most weekends, tournaments that can take multiple days) there goes your whole week. If your kid also plays an instrument, or does any school clubs, or scouts, or you have more than two kids...

You're on a parenting board. This shouldn't be foreign to you.

That is all a choice. This is way too overscheeduled.

Why on earth would I spend time engaging with a neighbor who inserts opinions on my kids?