Visitors right after birth?

[Anonymous]

A very dear friend of mine who lives on the West Coast is going to be on the East Coast for a conference the week I'm supposed to be induced. Her husband is from Richmond and they're thinking of coming down to the area for a long weekend after her conference. She doesn't want to see her in-laws and instead wants to come "help" me. So, I would be induced on a Monday, probably leave the hospital on Wednesday or Thursday and she would show up on Friday through the weekend. I have already told her she can't stay with me (she said she'd stay with mutual friends that live close by). I've also told her that I'll be essentially a breastfeeding zombie at that point. She says she understands and that she just wants to help by grocery shopping, cooking, etc...

Has anyone else had non-family visitors so soon after giving birth? I'm torn because she can essentially visit for free (her company would pay for her plane tickets) but I'm worried that it will be way too soon.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my family lives nearby, so I'm probably not going to be hurting for help. And I'm sure my in-laws will want to come visit that first weekend too...

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

If she's not staying with you, there's no point in pushing her away now. You'll be able to re-assess on the spot. In my case, I was thrilled for visitors, but only the kind who I didn't feel like I needed to shower for. If she's that close a friend, I'd say yes, tell her you'll be glad to have her around, at least for a few hours a day. Warn her in advance of your probably zombie-like state, the fact that you'll be a little smelly, completely sleep deprived, and that you won't be able to carry a conversation because you'll zone out in the middle of what she's saying to stare at your baby.

[Anonymous]

Is this your first? If so--I said I didn't want anyone around for my first and surprise!! I did want people around. This time, I am open to all help and would not feel bad to present a list of things to buy at a store or be open to someone making me a meal. As for nursing--you have no idea how it's going to go and sometimes having someone there takes your mind off of it is nice. I think you need to really think this through--is this the kind of friend that you could say--"hey could you go to Giant" or "could you make us dinner" or "do you mind cleaning the bathroom"--or "I am so tired, can you hold the baby so I can take a nap"--if the answer is yes, I would have her around if the answer is no, then I would try to set something up in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be good to put her on "stand-by" by saying you don't know how you'll feel and would it be okay if you let her know on Tuesday or Wednesday?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the above. If you wouldn't feel obligated to shower, if you feel like you could ask her to run to Giant, and if she's staying somewhere else and you are pretty comfortable saying "well thanks for coming over but we're going to go nap," then you may like having the company. If she's not that close- then I'd say sure, would love for you to stop by briefly, but we're really not wanting visitors around the baby this early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be good to put her on "stand-by" by saying you don't know how you'll feel and would it be okay if you let her know on Tuesday or Wednesday?

ITA with this.

It's really hard to know what you are going to want - and who you are going to want - until db is born. I thought I wanted lots of privacy, but once db came - I would have loved to have someone come over and cook dinner and clean and walk the dog for us. So, be protective of your time - including, btw, protective of intrusive family members - and then invite who you want when you want. Don't try to make a lot of plans before db actually gets here. Keep it flexible for yourself.

[Anonymous]

With my first I thought I wouldn't want visitors but really, having help was wonderful! And, my family gets on my nerves so it was nice to have someone non-family around for me to vent to or give a look to. That person knew instantly to distract my mother and help me obtain some breathing room! LOL!

Really, wait until the baby gets here and then figure things out. If you decide you don't want visitors or just want everyone to leave then just say something. I found that people really understand the stress of a new baby and you can ask these requests w/o being judged. And who knows, it might be a ton of fun for you to show your new baby off to your friend!!!!

[Anonymous]

A lot of the posts already mentioned what I was going to say so I won't repeat, but also keep in my the course of events.
I was also induced and eventhough I was fine for discharge two days later, my DD was not - serious jaundice issues which required several overnight stays in the pediatric ward - accompanied by me since I was adamant about BFing her the whole time (plus I couldn't leave her side).

We were suppose to attend a wedding that following week (DD would have been four days old) which I already politely declined, but my DH was suppose to go since it was his best friend.

My point is, not to freak you out...but sometimes things don't go quite as planned. Just a warning that you may tell your out of town friend that you would love some company for a few hours in the morning, but then request the afternoon (after lunch) to enjoy some bonding time.

Good luck and congrats.

[Anonymous]

I hated having visitors stay with me after my son was born, but I loved having people stop by for short periods of time. It was nice to have some adult communication, have an extra set of hands to hold the baby, and (to be honest) have someone to show off my little one to. And it was nice to be able to say "on your way over can you pick up this" or to tell them when the visit has been too long and its time to go.

[Anonymous]

OP here --

Thanks for all of the wisdom and advice. This is my first, so I really have no idea what I'm in for. I think I'm going to tell her that I really won't know until the baby is born -- because as 13:20 pointed out, you never know what can happen (I'd thought of this too). I also won't know how I'll feel about visitors until then either.

Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Well, it'd be a bit as if she lived in the same city if she's close by but not staying with you. And if she's at a friends' house I think you can always tell her if it's too much for you and the baby if she comes over. I think good friends should understand that.

[Anonymous]

We had a good friend who came over the day we got home from the hospital with DD. Though he wasn't actively engaged in grocery shopping, etc., it was lovely to see him and I was surprisingly relaxed about the breast feeding, etc. Seeing the friend really was just a nice visit, first baby craziness notwithstanding.