Emotional immaturity - anything that can be done?
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Anonymous
| My daughter is almost 8 is emotionally immature. It's evident and it was also mentioned years ago by a professional when she was about 2 (at the time I dismissed it though). Honestly, she probably has the emotional maturity of a child who is 5 or 6. She has no diagnosed learning issues and no diagnosed developmental issues. I thought time would help but it has not. Is there really anything I can do to help her? Is there some professional that I should be seeking out for assistance? |
Anonymous
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Several things to do - focus on being her emotion coach. This means provide a lot of emotion language through I messages (your emotions), empathy (her emotions) and others emotions. Each time label the emotions and talk about the causes and consequences of emotions.
Read about emotions - Today I Feel Silly, My Many Colored Days, How Are You Peeling, On Monday When it Rained, Wemberly Worried, When Sophie gets Really, Really Mad, Baby Faces. Read and discuss each. Focus on teaching her social skills (this often goes hand in hand). Good resources - Raise Your Child'S Social IQ by Cohen and Playground Politics by Greenspan. Might think of a social skills group, there are many providers int he area. Invite kids over and sign her up for social based activities for her to get social practice. Expect you may have to coach her through. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the help ... I was beginning to feel like this was hopeless. She actually is pretty good about explaining her emotions and recognizing them but is having trouble processing them with others and herself. I have tried reading books, modeling, etc but it doesn't seem to sink in 
We did a social skills group for a short time but sadly most of the kids were so far delayed emotionally that she didn't really reap any benefit. I have tried two more times to find one but for some reason they are scheduled at 2pm on school days! I will check out the books you mentioned. I admit to just having playdates and letting the kids play off by themselves. The next times though I will stay in ear shot and be a more active participant. |
Anonymous
| OP, I just wanted to say that this is common. Parents who ignore it are doing their children NO favors, for certain. I want to commend you for doing right by your daughter. Most do not. Good on you. |
Anonymous
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My oldest was really emotionally immature. So many people would say he's a kid, let him be a kid. Give him the gift of time. Give him the gift of a long childhood. But, around 3rd or 4th grade, it really seemed to be something we needed to push him on so that he could mature and fit in. The thing that we did was to call him on immature behavior/reactions, tell him what would be appropriate in the circumstances, and then offer him a chair to sit on until he was ready to act his age. We didn't say "act his age" - it was a little more acceptable with the same meaning. It took awhile, but I think we made the right choice to deal with the behavior. He is now a really well adjusted and emotionally on target teenager who is very able to manage the ups and downs of teenage life. And, he's very sensitive to the emotions of others, which is a nice quality in hm.
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Anonymous
Can you give examples of how the emotional immaturity presents itself? |
Anonymous
Yes, I would like some examples. I find it highly suspicious that anyone would diagnose "emotional immaturity" in an ALMOST 2-YEAR OLD!!!!. WTF??? I don't want to pre-judge, but this person sounds like a quack and it may have given you some sort of complex about something that doesn't exist. Kids of 8 will sometimes act 5 or 6 when they are under stress. Totally normal. So do kids of 10, or 11. |
Anonymous
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OP, check out this list of thinking skills from the www.thinkkids.org website:
http://www.thinkkids.org/docs/TSI%2010-09.pdf There are skills in certain areas that are lagging in some children, even though they aern't diagnosed with any official learning disability. Their lagging skills make it difficult for them to deal in an age appropriate way with setbacks and frustration. The areas include: -executive function (handling transitions, maintaining focus on goals, sense of time, considering the consequences of actions) -language processessing (expressing concerns, identifying what the problem is) -emotionoal regulation (being able to think rationally despite being upset, managing irritability) - cognitive flexibility (seeing the gray not just black and white, handling unpredictability, shifting from original plan to new plan because of circumstances) - social skills (appreciating how your behavior comes across to others, empathizing with others) If your daughter's emotionally immaturity seems to stem from several of these areas, you might with to take a look at the reast of the thinkkids.org website to see if they have some ideas that might help! |
Anonymous
Best thing I can offer is to let her post on DCUM. She would find good company with the emotionally immature here 
(This snark posted in the one thread where you are being offered good advice by kind and supportive folks- i know) I second the PP's advice of thinkkids.org |
Anonymous
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I was never taken care of an flunked the 1st grade, being locked in a closet at kindergarten by a old Bata lack witch.
At age 1 year, my mom left me alone for 2 weeks in a strange hospital for diarrhea, I was never the same she stated, had nightmares my mouth was always choking with a big object inside my throat. She could not visit me for 2 weeks with no car far away. ( Baldwin Park) CA. A bad school system. All this every day locked in a dark closet because I couldn't put a puzzle back together and scribbled on a paper. I had nightmares for years of being locked out of my house and floating into outer space. Feeling rejected and unwanted, no friends ever as a child from 1 to 15 yrs old. Dropped out of 7th grade, parents were ignorant and worked all the time. I don't blame them. |
Anonymous
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We moved to a better neighborhood and school system at age 6 or 7. I flunked the 1st grade and had a better teacher. In the 4th grade my mom was to by a female Principle that her daughter was emotionally immature.
Dad would yell and hit us, my brother was favored by my mom and dad. He made it to college and he is selfish, thinks he is better than our mom and dad and especially his 2 yr. older sister. He tried to murder me as a 16 yr old in the pool. I forgive him. My life sucks to this very day and I was falsely arrested for acting manic after being raped and assaulted 2 other times by men at a younger age. I feel I should of never been borne, picked on constancly by others behind my back ect. I work nights to keep a low profile and hid myself and low self esteem. I am a professional and tried to better my life and kicked down. I have been dx with ADHD and my medication helps. Thank you, I will always get worse in life my mental health is declining, I get let go from jobs and falsely arrested for a false DUI. I hate my life. Thank you again |
Anonymous
| If she seems to you 2-3 years behind her peers socially, I would absolutely have her evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. |
Anonymous
| I don't know if this helps, but my oldest was emotionally immature. In addition to feedback and treating him as his real age, I will say that time has really helped. He is now in HS and I don't see the former immaturity anymore. |
Anonymous
PP -- you have bumped up a 2 year old thread, to post this story of your life. Why did you do that? Were you googling "emotional immaturity: and this thread came up? I am very sorry for all the bad things that have happened to you. It does't seem to me that you were emotionally immature. You were abused and neglected as a child. |
Anonymous
| Got me again, I didn't realize how old this thread was until I got to the very odd post above about abuse. What a strange day this is. |