Mom's behavior key to dad's involvement in child care

[Anonymous]

Comments?

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-06/osu-mbk052708.php

[Anonymous]

Correlation is not causation. It's hard to tell whether mother's criticism causes father's lack of involvement or the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is really interesting. And i agree with it 100%.

I worked hard from the first day my DS was born to encourage my DH to get involved -- I praised him, noted how the baby responded positively to him. etc. A lot of it was exaggerated and overkill -- and I had to stifle my criticisms at times -- but it worked. My DS and DH are as close as any two people can be.

[Anonymous]

My comments are two-fold and somewhat contradictory:

My intellect: makes some sense, interesting.

My emotions: oh for God's sake, so effin' tired of women being held responsible for men's behaviors.

[Anonymous]

11:46 poster here. I am with you PP, but we are stuck with them! I will do anything to ensure that my DH and DS (and now DD) are close -- and it means he does a lot more child care duties, giving me a break. I am an evil genius!

[Anonymous]

SAHD groups have been commenting on this, but with the roles reversed.

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time not commenting that DH will whip out his blackberry 200 times in 5 minutes when he is spending time with our son. Is this telling me if I dont complain that he is not attentive and that he has his face in the blackberry that DH will actually NOT do it? Hmmmm.

WHY do we have to hold their hands and make them feel comfortable? I want a break too, I want praise, I want to not do things at times. I have to though. Men will do it is we hold their hands and baby them? Nice, MORE work for me!

[Anonymous]

Interesting that this article (and perhaps this research) frames it as if mom is *always* involved with the kid and the issue is how she gets the dad to move from being uninvolved to more involved. Kind of strange way to describe what should be a partnership.

My husband started out wanting to be an equal partner but I think our more egalitarian division of labor was also brought about by the fact that I just am not that into being a 100% mom. That is, he has to step up and do some things because it just wouldn't occur to me to do them. While one might question whether this is a good way to raise a child, it works really well with housework. I don't pick up my own socks so it doesn't even occur to me to pick up yours so you better pick'em up yourself!

At any rate, if I praise what my husband does, it's not because I want to encourage him to get more involved -- it's because he's good at it!!!!

[Anonymous]

LOL! I guess we should shoulder the blame for their behavior too.

My DH is a great father, has nothing to do with me. He sincerly adores playing with his son and being with family. I did not coach or mold him into this. He came to me already like this, which is one of the many reasons I married him.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by the defensiveness in some of the prior posts. I read the article and thought it made a lot of sense.

Too many moms complain on one hand that their husbands don't do enough, and on the other that they don't do things exactly right (i.e. checking Blackberry while playing with the kids. Is it ideal? No. Is it dangerous? In most settings, probably not.) The article just notes the connection between these two ideas, which seems plenty logical. If someone were regularly criticizing me for the way I did things, I'd probably stop offering to get involved.

The best parenting/relationship advice I got was to give my DH space to figure out his way of interacting with DC -- not insist that he do everything my way. IMHO, too many moms are control freaks who jump on every opportunity to correct their DHs or show them the "right way" to do everything. The article just provides data that suggests that such behavior is counter-productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by the defensiveness in some of the prior posts. I read the article and thought it made a lot of sense.

Too many moms complain on one hand that their husbands don't do enough, and on the other that they don't do things exactly right (i.e. checking Blackberry while playing with the kids. Is it ideal? No. Is it dangerous? In most settings, probably not.) The article just notes the connection between these two ideas, which seems plenty logical. If someone were regularly criticizing me for the way I did things, I'd probably stop offering to get involved.

The best parenting/relationship advice I got was to give my DH space to figure out his way of interacting with DC -- not insist that he do everything my way. IMHO, too many moms are control freaks who jump on every opportunity to correct their DHs or show them the "right way" to do everything. The article just provides data that suggests that such behavior is counter-productive.

Im the blackberry mom. I do not jump in DH's face each time he does something that annoys me. Because it annoys me does not mean I need to correct him. He has however had his face in the blackberry when our son has fallen into the wall, and had other various (non fatal) accidents while DH is checking email or sending a text. So yes, at those times I do ask him what happened... It is not for me to tell him how to parent or how to conenct with our child, but he is AN ADULT and a PARENT. I expect some level of safety and attentiveness. I love my child and dont want him running down the street while DH is chatting via text w/ a buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Im the blackberry mom. I do not jump in DH's face each time he does something that annoys me. Because it annoys me does not mean I need to correct him. He has however had his face in the blackberry when our son has fallen into the wall, and had other various (non fatal) accidents while DH is checking email or sending a text. So yes, at those times I do ask him what happened... It is not for me to tell him how to parent or how to conenct with our child, but he is AN ADULT and a PARENT. I expect some level of safety and attentiveness. I love my child and dont want him running down the street while DH is chatting via text w/ a buddy.

I'm sorry your husband has such poor judgment. If he can not meet your minimum standard of "some level of safety and attentiveness," then perhaps you should not want him to be more involved.