Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sent myself a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses with a card from my DH telling me what a great mother I am! Do this every year, I refuse to get bogged down in my DH is an ass world. The best part though is my DD just called and is insisting on coming over and making a special meal for dinner as her gift. I never put myself in a situation that I knowingly expect to ruin my day. I'm a grown up.

This is crazy. Why would you sign the card from your husband? Why not from yourself?

[Anonymous]

I hosted everyone at my house and no one even got me flowers. I thought that was weird, not only as a mother (of a young infant and a toddler) but as a host. I did all the cleaning, shopping, and prep so I simply decided not to cook and save myself the time and energy. It cost me a few hundred dollars to throw my own Mother’s Day celebration.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the husbands who do nothing for thier wives with little kids take their mothers for granted as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

It isn’t a test. He couldn’t think for hours and get it wrong.
If he thought about it for an hour, then he would get it right. Because him thinking about it IS what I want.
There is nothing for me to tell him to do. I can buy my own breakfast from a particular bakery or even have it delivered if I don’t want to get out of bed. No need for a middle man. I want him to think about me. I would rather have something that isn’t my favorite that he genuinely thought about and thought I would like.

This is more how I feel about a child than my spouse. This is how people get vacuums for Christmas and golf clubs for their birthday.

At least the get something. Golf clubs and vacuums are still better than NOTHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I asked for two things, to finalize our vacation plans and to go hiking. Instead I’m sitting home alone while he takes our daughter to buy something ON MOTHER’S DAY . [/quote>]

I can relate, my husband does stuff like this on my birthday.

[Anonymous]

My husband says “we will do whatever you want!” But if I pick an activity he doesn’t particularly enjoy there’s a strong alternating undercurrent of “I don’t understand why you like this” and “aren’t I great for agreeing to do this with you?”

[Anonymous]

i think the people who dont expect anything and send themselves flowers or direct everyone in a really controlling way are the weird ones.

Like - mothers day is supposed to be a day for others to show appreciation for you. why send yourself flowers? I mean, sure, buy yourself flowers whenever. but sending yourself flowers on mothers day signed by your husband (who didn't actually do it) and then castigating others for not being mature is... it's very odd behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pick me women who act like other women shouldn’t expect anything from their husbands or children on a holiday that is supposed to celebrate them can GTFO this thread. You just have to show up every year talking about how superior you are, it’s honestly sad.

Have more baggage about a made up holiday. You can’t.

Our family doesn’t care much about any of these stupid holidays—Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, on and on. We have a great, loving life every day. We go to brunch every few weeks. We buy little gifts for each other when we feel like it; give each other a break from the kids or let each other sleep in when someone needs to rest. No pressure, no guilt. Works much better IMHO.

+1. That PP you’re responding to sounds bitter. She probably married an inconsiderate guy and has kids who haven’t learned how to be considerate and thoughtful either.

To PP: I’m not a pick me woman when I say that I don’t need anything special for Mother’s Day. I say that because I’m treated well by my husband and kids every day of the year so I don’t expect anything big for Mother’s Day…it’s just another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hosted everyone at my house and no one even got me flowers. I thought that was weird, not only as a mother (of a young infant and a toddler) but as a host. I did all the cleaning, shopping, and prep so I simply decided not to cook and save myself the time and energy. It cost me a few hundred dollars to throw my own Mother’s Day celebration.

Ugh. That’s annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think the people who dont expect anything and send themselves flowers or direct everyone in a really controlling way are the weird ones.

Like - mothers day is supposed to be a day for others to show appreciation for you. why send yourself flowers? I mean, sure, buy yourself flowers whenever. but sending yourself flowers on mothers day signed by your husband (who didn't actually do it) and then castigating others for not being mature is... it's very odd behavior.

I thought the flowers thing was a joke, was that pp serious?!

A lot of the people in the comments have gotten very accustomed to being married to deeply inconsiderate people, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think the people who dont expect anything and send themselves flowers or direct everyone in a really controlling way are the weird ones.

Like - mothers day is supposed to be a day for others to show appreciation for you. why send yourself flowers? I mean, sure, buy yourself flowers whenever. but sending yourself flowers on mothers day signed by your husband (who didn't actually do it) and then castigating others for not being mature is... it's very odd behavior.

I thought the flowers thing was a joke, was that pp serious?!

A lot of the people in the comments have gotten very accustomed to being married to deeply inconsiderate people, it seems.

Quiet the opposite. They are married to a considerate husband who treat them well every single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think the people who dont expect anything and send themselves flowers or direct everyone in a really controlling way are the weird ones.

Like - mothers day is supposed to be a day for others to show appreciation for you. why send yourself flowers? I mean, sure, buy yourself flowers whenever. but sending yourself flowers on mothers day signed by your husband (who didn't actually do it) and then castigating others for not being mature is... it's very odd behavior.

I’m not the flower PP, but I’m a PP who said I have to be clear and direct about what I want in order to have a nice Mother’s Day. It’s not ideal that I have to do this - I’d love it if my spouse would take the reins and work with our kids to plan a card, small gift, special meal (anything that shows a modicum of thought, really) but that’s just not going to happen. I’ve made peace with it because despite sucking at “occasions” he’s a good partner in the day to day. So if the alternative to directing everyone is that nothing happens, I’m choosing what I see as the better of crappy options.

I enjoyed my day yesterday. I got to sleep in and wake up to DH having made coffee, fed and walked the dog, and fed kids a light breakfast (before the 11:30 brunch I myself booked weeks ago). We watched a movie at home in the afternoon and DH picked up my choice of Thai takeout for dinner. All of these things I asked for and received, and it was a nice day.

[Anonymous]

The bitterness and resentment are overflowing on this thread. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hosted everyone at my house and no one even got me flowers. I thought that was weird, not only as a mother (of a young infant and a toddler) but as a host. I did all the cleaning, shopping, and prep so I simply decided not to cook and save myself the time and energy. It cost me a few hundred dollars to throw my own Mother’s Day celebration.

Next year don’t make it such a big deal. No one needs or even wants a huge “celebration” for a made-up holiday. Next year, ask DH and your kids for flowers and take-out dinner. Done.

[Anonymous]

The kids and dad should do one thing each for the day. It's not that hard. Dad should make a special meal and/or flowers and the kids should each do a chore for mom and mom should get 2 hours of alone time to do something she wants or people over to hang out with that she can be a guest at. Done.