Should a deadbeat dad be invited to a college graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the graduation to celebrate your son’s accomplishment in school or your accomplishment in paying for school? The one being celebrated gets to decide. It’s ok to acknowledge that it sucks, though. You’re human.

The kid would probably be in jail without the mom, certainly would never be a college graduate. There's hard data to back up those statements. Send the prick a tally of the college costs and asks when he plans to write you a check for 50% of that sum. The nerve of some people is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The deadbeat should NOT get to ruin this moment between the mother and son. The deadbeat should NOT be invited period. This forum is full of trolls and maybe deadbeat losers. Who knows.

The deadbeat can't "ruin" the moment for the kid who wants him there. He's only ruining things for the mother, who refuses to accept that her son's feelings about his dad, unlike hers, are not entirely dependent on his financial contributions.

Don't get me wrong: son's dad is an ass, and in her shoes, I wouldn't want to see him either. But I would care more about m making my son's day everything he wanted, because he deserves that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets to decide this

My son gets to decide without my input? I paid for the college. Are you saying I ought to bite my tongue if my son mentions inviting his father or voice my issue? My son is a pushover and his father will take advantage. Because his father wants to play pretend with his wife, who has zero idea what a POS he is.

Yes. You paid for college to benefit your son, not so you could dictate who is allowed to see your adult child graduate. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about your son, not you. Your son decides and you support the decision he makes.

The only reason that young man is in college is because of my (and my husband’s) parenting and our labor.

Yes but your DS is an adult and this should be his decision. I’m in the same situation and my DS asked his dad. He won’t show up though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The deadbeat should NOT get to ruin this moment between the mother and son. The deadbeat should NOT be invited period. This forum is full of trolls and maybe deadbeat losers. Who knows.

The deadbeat can't "ruin" the moment for the kid who wants him there. He's only ruining things for the mother, who refuses to accept that her son's feelings about his dad, unlike hers, are not entirely dependent on his financial contributions.

Don't get me wrong: son's dad is an ass, and in her shoes, I wouldn't want to see him either. But I would care more about m making my son's day everything he wanted, because he deserves that.

I’d care more that my 22 yo son wasn’t naive pawn pining for daddy’s affections after 22 years of neglect.

Don’t get your hopes up kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The deadbeat should NOT get to ruin this moment between the mother and son. The deadbeat should NOT be invited period. This forum is full of trolls and maybe deadbeat losers. Who knows.

The deadbeat can't "ruin" the moment for the kid who wants him there. He's only ruining things for the mother, who refuses to accept that her son's feelings about his dad, unlike hers, are not entirely dependent on his financial contributions.

Don't get me wrong: son's dad is an ass, and in her shoes, I wouldn't want to see him either. But I would care more about m making my son's day everything he wanted, because he deserves that.

I’d care more that my 22 yo son wasn’t naive pawn pining for daddy’s affections after 22 years of neglect.

Don’t get your hopes up kid.

It may not have been 22 years of neglect. Child support stops at 18. There is clearly more to this story but if Mom refuses contact why would Dad pay for college, assuming he could afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t about you or how much you hate your ex. Absolutely invite him.

Bullshit. You don't invite pieces of shit to celebratory events. He has no right to be there.

Agree

Skip the drama and angst and games.

If dad’s so great and wants a new life, he can buy the son a nice gift and weekend trip of golf or fishing or help him move to his new city or apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The deadbeat should NOT get to ruin this moment between the mother and son. The deadbeat should NOT be invited period. This forum is full of trolls and maybe deadbeat losers. Who knows.

The deadbeat can't "ruin" the moment for the kid who wants him there. He's only ruining things for the mother, who refuses to accept that her son's feelings about his dad, unlike hers, are not entirely dependent on his financial contributions.

Don't get me wrong: son's dad is an ass, and in her shoes, I wouldn't want to see him either. But I would care more about m making my son's day everything he wanted, because he deserves that.

I’d care more that my 22 yo son wasn’t naive pawn pining for daddy’s affections after 22 years of neglect.

Don’t get your hopes up kid.

It may not have been 22 years of neglect. Child support stops at 18. There is clearly more to this story but if Mom refuses contact why would Dad pay for college, assuming he could afford it?

Neglect is neglect

Save the semantics for someone else Pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t about you or how much you hate your ex. Absolutely invite him.

Why?

Why invite an absent, neglectful parent who did nothing to raise you, fund your life, parent you, or have a relationship with you?

1. Do you think this is the kick off to some amazing adult son/parent relationship? Lol

2. Do you think he’s so proud of you and you want this stranger’s accolades as you continue to achieve life milestones without him? Silly

3. Or might be be trying to appear normal and caring to his new girlfriend? Son makes a good prop.

4. Or is he a mental case who actually tells himself he is a fabulous, involved father who is just so proud and happy for his 22 yo son.

I’m willing to bet it’s Door #4. The delinquent father who hasn’t been around for 20 years actually thinks he’s fantastic and it’s his fatherly right to impose on whatever stuff with his bio son he wishes. Why? Because he’s a dad. And society tells him he deserves it.

A “dad” in label only, he inseminated an egg.

NP

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

OP. Let's frame this differently. If your son was getting married and you were paying for the wedding, do you think you get to decide the guest list? Can you bar your future DIL's family because they cannot afford to pay for the wedding? Do you get to veto the best man and maid/matron of honor because you don't like them?

Despite the fact that you paid for the tuition, this is your son's achievement and his to decide how and with whom he would like to celebrate. Inviting his deadbeat dad does not give his dad any credit for his achievement any more than inviting his grandparents or his significant other or his aunt and uncle. It's just who he wants to celebrate HIS achievement.

[Anonymous]

Let the son choose