Why don’t U.S. hospitals let women sleep quietly for the night in the hospital after giving birth?

[Anonymous]

I gave birth in 2016, 2018 and 2022. No nurseries at all and these were at 2 different NoVA hospitals.

The first time I just thought this was my burden to bear. I tried and tried. I was so sleep deprived, shaking and I remember sobbing at nurses. It definitely teed off my postpartum depression. I had been in labor for days before my induction. And then my induction started at 7pm. I gave birth two days later at 6am. I truly just hadn't slept in days. I have few memories of the whole thing, just a lot of pain and exhaustion.

2nd and 3rd births I was armed with information. DH slept near the door and stopped any nurse that came near. I refused all colace and brought my own. DH would run out and tell nurses if I was up and nursing at 3am so that they could take my blood pressure or do whatever the eff they wanted during that time (maybe they need a button we can push to say we're awake?) so that they didn't wake me up 15 min after I went back to sleep. I checked out promptly at 24 hours and it was a struggle. At home I had a husband and 4 grandparents to care for me. My mom is a doctor. At home I felt like a princess and dh could properly care for me.

Speaking of which, my mom is an OB. As a kid I would stay at the hospital overnight sometimes (dad traveled and mom was on call. I slept in the on call room). There were nurseries filled with sweet sleeping babies. Dads and grandparents would sit there rocking babies for hours. Fast forward to when I gave birth and there were no rocking chairs. Only delivery rooms had them, not postpartum. Nope, in postpartum, you just had the screaming baby on mom 24/7. Baby was unable to leave the room, no rocking chairs. Dads couldn't even push the crib around the halls (moms could). I remember my inlaws trying to visit, but I was sick (vomiting) and they didn't want to be in the room with me. They wanted to see the baby but there wasn't anywhere else to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a baby is hard work. Whoever told you it was a vacation? Years ago women stayed in hospital two weeks after giving birth but that was before greedy insurance companies took over the medical profession. Sadly, the populace lemmings followed these avaricious companies over the cliff.

We have so many reasons to have a 2nd revolution in the U.S.

I was born in 1969. My Mom was in the hospital for a week after a normal, vaginal birth. She says she was treated like a Queen. I stayed in the nursery with the other babies most of the time, while my Mom rested. Nurses gave her daily back massages and sponge baths, and lessons on baby care. This was in Virginia. How far we have fallen as a society. It’s sad.

My sister gave birth in Japan and she got this treatment. She got to stay for a week, eat delicious food and be pampered. However she did not get any privacy, she was in with a bunch of women and they all got group lessons in breastfeeding and baby care from a nurse every day. She rather enjoyed bonding with the other women over this.
That said it was NOT free. It was somewhere between 5 and 10 k that had to be paid in full and then later she got a check for around half of it from the government as childbirth incentive. A private room would have cost extra.
I gave birth the same year as she did. So with my American insurance I paid a bit less than she did (around $1200 out of pocket) but had a hellish experience.
Her baby had a very lopsided head and no treatment was offered. I believe here they would have put a helmet on him. His head still looks asymmetrical so she styles his hair to hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s changed but Sibley had/made available a nursery (at least in 2017). Delivered there twice. For first DC didn’t really use the nursery and returned home so exhausted. Second DC took full advantage of the nursery and it made such a difference! So much better able to function when I got home and better able to begin those early days of feedings every few hours. Being able to recover and get a little bit of rest at the hospital made such a difference! And this was with straightforward vaginal births. I can’t image someone with a c-section not being allowed to get some rest before going home!!!!

Does anyone who has given birth there more recently know if the Sibley nursery is still open?

The nursery was still open as of Summer 2022. It was a fantastic resource. The nurses were great, too. All seemed happy to be there and very attentive. Honestly, I felt like the nurses were so excited to have the chance to spend time with my little one during the night while I rested.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

Ufff, I am so mad for you. I cannot believe that they said that, because truly this sounds like what non-White women are subjected to routinely at US hospitals!

(Also...I hope you have the cutest, easiest, brightest baby ever!!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

Not that many years ago, at least while you were still in the hospital, nurses acted as postpartum doulas. The new culture in this country is anti-mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Not to mention, many women in America are back to work after 6/8 weeks when their short term disability runs out (if they even get that!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

I was thinking along similar lines. Do they not have work, family, or other obligations? I would not be happy if my sister expected me to take care of her for 40 days! When I had my babies, my husband was very helpful, my mom cooked us meals. We could have used help washing all the pump parts and bottles, though. In an ideal world I’d have someone to do that. I was lucky enough to have decent support, and it wasn’t too difficult (except all the washing!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

heaven!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

TIE the baby to you? WTF??? When was this? And didn’t you have to have some kind of nutrition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

I personally would have hated that lol. I wanted to get out of the house. I wanted to do chores. Tons of newborn snuggles, of course, that was the best. But I like the other stuff too. Maybe I’m in the minority!

[Anonymous]

Yes. Oh god. The nurses coming and going was the worst. I couldn’t sleep bc of my anxiety and as soon as I could drift off, someone was knocking on my door. It was insanity. We left after one night.