Continued bullying

[Anonymous]

I hope I just did the right thing...my middle school child has undergone quite a bit of teasing this year...cursing, statements about size/weight/race.
I was going to complete the bullying form used by our school system about one month ago, but my child begged me not to.
Now something occurred yesterday which had my child in tears last evening.
I just completed the form and dropped it off at the school...I really hope I did the right thing and that this will not somehow blow up in my/my child's face.
Anyone else been through this process and have feedback/advice?

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. Now you take a very assertive, albeit cooperative stance with the school. The school should immediately sit down with all involved and the bullies should not be allowed to continue their behavior. Be prepared to make a HUGE stink if the school does not support you. Go online and find out who is your supervisor, who is the head of your pyramid, etc. Do they have a written bullying policy, are they following it, etc.

My school is very supportive and does not tolerate this stuff. I hope yours is the same. What system are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. Now you take a very assertive, albeit cooperative stance with the school. The school should immediately sit down with all involved and the bullies should not be allowed to continue their behavior. Be prepared to make a HUGE stink if the school does not support you. Go online and find out who is your supervisor, who is the head of your pyramid, etc. Do they have a written bullying policy, are they following it, etc.

My school is very supportive and does not tolerate this stuff. I hope yours is the same. What system are you in?

Thank-you for the supportive note. We are in the Maryland Public Schools. What system are you in?

[Anonymous]

I recommend Queen Bees and Wannabees, I am reading it right now.

Even if you have a son (as does the author by the way), she has great advice on how to support your child, keep the lines of communication open and how communications technologies (texting, email, and facebook) can exacerbate these problems and how to address that.

Good luck to you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Our child was bullied for years and it has finally stopped and all it took was for one courageous administrator to say "No, not on my watch." Years of bullying essentially ended in the course of a single day. There have been a few flare ups here and there in which this administrator has had to address and monitor. However, the large scale group, gang, team-sport bullying of our child essentially ended during the course of a single day when this administrator took action letting the entire community know that bullying would not be tolerated on his watch.

Today our child is accepted by the greater community and is loving school. The bullying never made sense to anyone, but it had become the accepted norm until someone finally said STOP!!!

There is no rhyme, reason, or logic to bullying so trying to make it stop through self-examination or developing strategies to compensate is a colossal waste of time and emotional capital.

You've done nothing wrong and everything right by submitting the paperwork today, but don’t be surprised if you are stonewalled by cowardly administrators. Fight as hard as you can for your child, because if you don’t, no one else will.

Hopefully, the administrators at your school will stop the bullying immediately, but if they don't you must continue to defend your child until the bullying has ended permanently.

GL

[Anonymous]

Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. You have to protect your child. Unfortunately, I am also the parent of a child that was bullied. I found that in ES, the administrators really swept things under the rug until I made it clear that I would handle it through the law enforcement system if they didn't step up to the plate. However, in MS, the administration has been amazing. It's like they know it's going to happen and they have all the supports in place.

On the occasions I've had to report something, I just e-mail the principal. I usually get a phone call within minutes. When I've learned of something after hours, I got an e-mail back from the principal within about 20 minutes and a phone call in the morning. Our situation is exactly like PP said - years of bullying ended in one day because of an incredible principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. Now you take a very assertive, albeit cooperative stance with the school. The school should immediately sit down with all involved and the bullies should not be allowed to continue their behavior. Be prepared to make a HUGE stink if the school does not support you. Go online and find out who is your supervisor, who is the head of your pyramid, etc. Do they have a written bullying policy, are they following it, etc.

My school is very supportive and does not tolerate this stuff. I hope yours is the same. What system are you in?

Thank-you for the supportive note. We are in the Maryland Public Schools. What system are you in?

I am in FCPS. We don't have a formal policy that I could find but the school we are in was great. Check your school system for a policy and be sure you know your rights.

[Anonymous]

OP here and a huge thank-you to everyone. An administrator met with my child yesterday. They contacted me as well. Today they will meet with the bully and contact the kid's parents. The next step will depend on how these contacts go.
One thing that concerned me, was the administrator stated something to the effect that when he meets with the bully, he will not mention my child's name , but that because of the details he must provide, the bully will most likely be able to figure out what situations he is referring to. So, I guess he was making the point that there might be retaliation against my child. So, that was disturbing to me. I even wondered if he was trying to get me to "call off the dogs" so to speak, so I did ask point blank if he felt the behavior documented was unacceptable and he did agree it was. I hope he will make the point to the bully that retaliation would be unacceptable.
I just absolutely hate that this is happening, and it is so helpful to hear back from other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and a huge thank-you to everyone. An administrator met with my child yesterday. They contacted me as well. Today they will meet with the bully and contact the kid's parents. The next step will depend on how these contacts go.
One thing that concerned me, was the administrator stated something to the effect that when he meets with the bully, he will not mention my child's name , but that because of the details he must provide, the bully will most likely be able to figure out what situations he is referring to. So, I guess he was making the point that there might be retaliation against my child. So, that was disturbing to me. I even wondered if he was trying to get me to "call off the dogs" so to speak, so I did ask point blank if he felt the behavior documented was unacceptable and he did agree it was. I hope he will make the point to the bully that retaliation would be unacceptable.
I just absolutely hate that this is happening, and it is so helpful to hear back from other parents.

Please tell them that you expect the school to make it clear that any further bullying or retaliation with your child is UNACCEPTABLE and will result in (x) consequences. FInd out what the consequences are - suspension? And that you expect them to follow through (or there will be consequences to the school).

OP can you give an idea of what the basis of the bullying was?

[Anonymous]

OP, a PP here just to reassure you a little here. When I reported bullying of my son. the school most definitely told the bullies who reported it and exactly what was done. There was no retaliation. Our MS definitely sets the tone of zero tolerance.

[Anonymous]

Janney Elementary School has an amazing principal Norah Lychnell who mediated a situation where my son was being bullied--she was masterful in the way she handled --again it stopped it in its tracks. There have been other bullies this year so there always seems to be a new crop, unfortunately--but she has been incredibly responsive and sensitive. You have to be very persistent with your complaint and document everything. Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and a huge thank-you to everyone. An administrator met with my child yesterday. They contacted me as well. Today they will meet with the bully and contact the kid's parents. The next step will depend on how these contacts go.
One thing that concerned me, was the administrator stated something to the effect that when he meets with the bully, he will not mention my child's name , but that because of the details he must provide, the bully will most likely be able to figure out what situations he is referring to. So, I guess he was making the point that there might be retaliation against my child. So, that was disturbing to me. I even wondered if he was trying to get me to "call off the dogs" so to speak, so I did ask point blank if he felt the behavior documented was unacceptable and he did agree it was. I hope he will make the point to the bully that retaliation would be unacceptable.
I just absolutely hate that this is happening, and it is so helpful to hear back from other parents.

Please tell them that you expect the school to make it clear that any further bullying or retaliation with your child is UNACCEPTABLE and will result in (x) consequences. FInd out what the consequences are - suspension? And that you expect them to follow through (or there will be consequences to the school).

OP can you give an idea of what the basis of the bullying was?

I went thru a very similar situation with my 2nd grade son. I let it go a few weeks, but finally had it and went to the teacher. She was quick to respond and assured me that others had come forward as well -- so the "bully" would not be able to single out one child for retaliation. I don't want to say that I hope there are other "victims" in your case -- but I do -- that way your child won't be singled out. Good Luck - You did the right thing and don't you doubt it!

[Anonymous]

OP, how is everything going? Hope it's better for your DC, with no retaliation.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP here and thanks for all the support.
Things got better for about 2 weeks but now are going backwards. I spoke with an administrator today and will be sending an e-mail tomorrow to all the administrators. The situation is horrible and heartbreaking. I plan to insist on a meeting and find out what they are going to do about it.
Please wish me luck, I had really hoped we could get to the end of the year without any more issues. It has gotten so bad that my child does not want to go back to school.

[Anonymous]

OP do you mind telling us your race? Is it a black vs white thing? I can't believe that the school is setting itself up for legal action like this.