Forum Index
»
Parenting -- Special Concerns
How do I keep my mom out of the delivery room?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I am an single mom to be and have requested a close friend be with me for the delivery. If he cant do it I'd rather have my c-section alone - me and people with medical degrees. So what is the nicest way to tell my mom to stay out...without losing her other help?
|
Anonymous
| I find your question, which is fine on it's own, qualified with the goal of still securing your mom's help after the baby arrives really....icky. You are completely within your rights to plan your delivery as you wish, just as your mother is entitled to react how she wishes to your decision. I get where you're coming from, but your underlying scheme comes off as really gross to me. I'd hope your mother would respect whatever you decide is right for you and still want to be there for you and your baby but you kinda have to ask yourself why you'd shamelessly accept all the help you are apparently counting on from your mother while denying her something it sounds like she might really want to be a part of. Is the "friend" you are inviting into the delivery room being counted on also to "help" after teh baby arrives? no matter...congrats! |
Anonymous
|
1324; Typical judgemental BS from this board. It is log and complicated but I am willing to forgo all of her help if it means she is not in the delivery room to stress me out.
YOur are really a judgmental asshole. |
Anonymous
|
1324; Typical judgemental BS from this board. It is long and complicated. But I am willing to forgo all of her help if it means she is not in the delivery room to stress me out.
You are really a judgmental asshole. |
Anonymous
|
I was going to suggest that you tell her you are only allowed to have one person and you have already chosen X. But if you would rather be alone than have her with you (which I understand and respect), then I don't have any suggestions, unfortunately, but I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.
You could always tell her that you have chosen X and then not mention if/when X can't make it, but of course she will find out after the fact and you will have to deal with that and you will be all sleep-deprived and post-partum-y... You know her. How would she react to something like, Mom, I really want you to come meet your grandchild and it means so much to me that you want to help after we come home from the hospital, but I (or my doctor and I) think it's best for you not to be in the delivery room. |
Anonymous
You're the one who entertained the tit for tat idea. Who is the ahole here? If a comment on a stupid board evokes such a response I'd imagine anything stresses you out, and it ain't just your mother. |
Anonymous
|
Why do people have all these people in the delivery room? Giving birth is not a show. This is not the Superbowl. Mom, Dad, MIL, FIL don't need to be all up in between your legs while you are screaming in pain.
Birth is private. You people are weird. |
Anonymous
You're still the Ahole. Since this is a public board there is no need to put all the sorted details on it. Trust what the writer says and answer. Climbing up above thee and judging is ahole behavior. Unless your God. And if you are God - Hey don't you have better things to do right now? |
Anonymous
Thank you! |
Anonymous
|
OP,
It's going to be hard to tell her that you want someone else and not her. Why not her? I happen to agree with the second poster. Your calculus seems insensitive. If this is a schedule C, what's the big deal having your mother there? Our are you still really young and only want to use your mother to your advantage? Maybe there's something I don't know. But hey mom, you can't come in, my friend Ralph can seems weird to me. |
Anonymous
Asshole. I am 40. My mother who has belitted every decision including but not limited to the amnio, the c-section, having a kid, taking to long to have the kid, etc.. is now insisting on not only arriving before the birth but bringing her cat......I"M ALLERGIC. I just told her to forget about it. The friend is the only person in the world who can tell me everything will be ok and I believe him. My mother will tell me all the things that can go wrong. But again without knowing the whole story thanks for being a judgmental pig. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I also have a very overbearing mother who wanted desperately to be in the room when I gave birth. I was also a SMBC, and had two friends with me when I gave birth. Here's what I did, though you may have to adjust some of this if it's a scheduled section-
I told her ahead of time that I had taken all of my birthing classes with my friends, only two people were allowed in the room, and I was excited about having her around once I was in the recovery room. I did not tell her when I went into labor. My friend called her when we were just about at the hospital, so I didn't have to see/interact with her when I was on my way into the L&D room. I explicitly and in no uncertain terms told my midwife that she was not allowed in the room. My midwife got that this was an emotional issue for me, and actually took some of the heat from my mom afterwards instead of letting it fall on me. What I really wish I had been able to say to my mom ahead of time was this: "Mom, I love you, and I'm so excited that you're going to be a part of my child's life, but sometimes your presence stresses me out, and I don't want you in the room when I'm giving birth." It sounds so simple in retrospect, but seemed impossible to just say at the time. In any case, we all got through it- I had my baby, my mom recovered from feeling snubbed and left out of the birth, and made up for it by buying my child every loud noisy plastic piece of crap toy on the face of the earth. It's all good. Birth is emotional and scary. Becoming a parent is emotional and scary. Doing it without a partner is emotional and scary. But it's all going to be okay. Good luck and congrats! |
Anonymous
|
.
Birth is emotional and scary. Becoming a parent is emotional and scary. Doing it without a partner is emotional and scary. But it's all going to be okay. Op, Here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. |
Anonymous
PP here. Big hugs to you. You're going to be okay. Better than okay. You're going to be great, and so is your kid. |
Anonymous
|
OP,
Asshole? Pig? PLEASE. Your post was minimalist. I was giving your mother the benefit of the doubt. No need to attack me for that. Why if she's this complicated (to put it mildly) do you want her help? Also, given the hostility you seethed in your post, have you sorted this out in your own head? You are very hostile. Good luck to you. It's the most exhilarating thing in the world. I hope you can find a way to cope with your mother. |