Step Parent Spanks His Own Kid....

[Anonymous]

My sister is moving in with her boyfriend of six months, along with his son. She's got a son of her own. The kids are relatively close in age. My sister has never spanked, but the new boyfriend does (his own son, not my nephew). And apparently pretty often. It's really bothering my nephew to watch this happen, even though he's not getting spanked. The boyfriend doesn't discipline my nephew, at least not yet.

My question is whether just seeing another kid get spanked and/or yelled at a lot is going to be damaging to my nephew.

[Anonymous]

Who knew parents were still spanking... I thought I was part of the last generation to be raised that way.

[Anonymous]

How do they think that's going to work? Sounds like a big mess to me. And of course it will be damaging. It would be damaging to me to see that so how would it not damage a small child? Sorry about your nephew. Probably the next step is he will start spanking your nephew like my stepfather did with my brother and me. We were traumatized and had a very hard time forgiving our mother for letting him do it. My brother was so afraid of him he slept with a knife under his pillow. I hope your sister's boyfriend keeps his hands off her son.

[Anonymous]

SIX MONTHS? That's as shocking to me as the spanking. It's impossible to predict how much this will effect your nephew. I agree it will upset and distress him, but damage. And yes, he may start spanking her son. They'll go through a rough patch. Also troubling is the close in age. Wow this is a mess! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It "is" a big mess and there's not really anything I can do about it. My nephew's in counseling (thank God). But this spanking thing seems to be what bothers him the most. And it's making me pretty sick to my stomach. I guess I was hoping from someone who's been there..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIX MONTHS? That's as shocking to me as the spanking. It's impossible to predict how much this will effect your nephew. I agree it will upset and distress him, but damage. And yes, he may start spanking her son. They'll go through a rough patch. Also troubling is the close in age. Wow this is a mess! Good luck.

Red flags all over the place for both of these kids. What are the parents thinking?

[Anonymous]

I think there are many issues beyond spanking. Moving kids into a new relationship with different parenting approaches is a recipe for disaster. Maybe you could suggest to your sister that her BF could spank his son in his room so your nephew isn't watching. She can also explain to him why step father spanks (as discipline) and that (hopefully) it is controlled/not hurting his son.

I think all you can do is spend time with your nephew whenever you can, be a stable adult in his life, love him and be there for him.

[Anonymous]

This whole mess is sooooo bad on many levels.

[Anonymous]

Seriously 21:51? You must be white. A lot of people still spank their kids. White people just hide it well.

[Anonymous]

Wow...Maybe it's the south in me, but in my family, you do something wrong, you get spanked.

[Anonymous]

Growing up I had a friend who got spanked all the time--I wasn't scarred for life (and I was never spanked). I think the spanking aspect is the least of the concerns for this situation.

[Anonymous]

Forgot the judgment here. This upsets OP's nephew. That's huge. Yes some people still spank. It's gets very complicated with stepparents who spank and a biological parent who does not.

What to do, OP?

[Anonymous]

So they are treating the one child differently from the other. Nope I see no problems here. Sheesh. Sorry you guys are going thru this...

To: 1516. I am black. I got 1 spanking. And that was probably because I scared my mom more than anything else (second grader walking home alone). Please don't make this a race thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So they are treating the one child differently from the other. Nope I see no problems here. Sheesh. Sorry you guys are going thru this...

To: 1516. I am black. I got 1 spanking. And that was probably because I scared my mom more than anything else (second grader walking home alone). Please don't make this a race thing.

Lots of black people don't spank their kids. And other non-white people. Also, plenty of white people still spank and seem to think it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow...Maybe it's the south in me, but in my family, you do something wrong, you get spanked.

It's not a "south" thing. There are parents from all walks of life and parts of our country who spank. When my children were younger, we rarely spanked (maybe three times each) and only for times that danger was involved (touching something hot, etc). If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't spank at all. Both my son and daughter are married with children, and neither spanks.