I'm a wife with an anger management problem

[Anonymous]

How do I get help?

[Anonymous]

Well taking the next step is the important one, get into an anger management class
It is not a quick fix and best of luck
http://angermanagement.org/

[Anonymous]

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Does it get worse around your period? If so, factor that in. Speak to your doctor, etc.
Therapy to address underlying issues and behavioral modification?

[Anonymous]

Also, what role does your husband play in triggering anger? Is he doing things that he should not and then blaming you for your reaction? Evaluate the marital dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, what role does your husband play in triggering anger? Is he doing things that he should not and then blaming you for your reaction? Evaluate the marital dynamic.

No, I need to own this, not blame it on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it get worse around your period? If so, factor that in. Speak to your doctor, etc.
Therapy to address underlying issues and behavioral modification?

Yes, but that's not the whole ball of wax. Thanks, I will.

[Anonymous]

i liked the PEP anger management class ....

[Anonymous]

My husband and I took the PEP Anger Management class as well. We found the instructors unhelpful but it was great to be in a room full of people with a lot of the same problems we had and venting, trading solutions, and (to be perfectly frank) realizing that there are families that are in situations that are much worse. Gave us some solutions and a lot of perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, what role does your husband play in triggering anger? Is he doing things that he should not and then blaming you for your reaction? Evaluate the marital dynamic.

No, I need to own this, not blame it on him.[/quote]

This is a wonderful response. I am so happy that you have owned it. Best of luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it get worse around your period? If so, factor that in. Speak to your doctor, etc.
Therapy to address underlying issues and behavioral modification?

Yes, but that's not the whole ball of wax. Thanks, I will.

OP, it's great that you are seeking help. If your symptoms are getting worse around your period, that points to a chemical/hormonal basis. Antidepressants, if that's the case, can really help. Depression often manifests itself as anger rather than sadness. Also, this is maybe a weird question, but do you get a lot of yeast infections? I did, and until I aggressively treated the yeast, my PMS was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Just some food for thought...

[Aimee4]

I'm also a wife with an anger management problem. Boiled over last spring and I decided it was time to get help. Asked my doctor for a referral. I go to thereapy and take Prozac. I also did a small class for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is used for depression as well.

What I've learned is that my *anger* has triggers. It's more related to anxiety than other things - such as when I perceive my child to be in danger, or when I feel like my abilities are being called into question.

I highly recommend looking into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In a not-a-medical-professional nutshell, you learn to identify what activating event or trigger causing you too "loose it", figure out what belief pops in your mind, and what the consequence is.
Here is a very simple example
My husband tells me the house is dirty and we need to clean it.
Internally, I *hear* that I'm not keeping the house in good enough condition and
I feel he is blaming me and I'm not doing all I can even though my plate is already full... so i get angry about all of it.
The reality is, he never said it was my fault, so I need to stop over reacting to his simple statement and not internalize it. So next time he says "The house is a mess, let's clean it", I should respond "I'll tackle the kitchen, can you tackle the bathrooms?" and realize there is no underlying message.

[Anonymous]

I had terrible anger management when I was getting enough sleep and needed Vitamin B12. Are you getting enough sleep OP? Also, I had a terrible dad who made me hate men and then I was raped walking home from high school...so I never really dealt with all of that. I don't boil over hardly at all anymore even though I never got treatment. I think I stopped caring.

[Anonymous]

Aimee4 wrote:I'm also a wife with an anger management problem. Boiled over last spring and I decided it was time to get help. Asked my doctor for a referral. I go to thereapy and take Prozac. I also did a small class for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is used for depression as well.

What I've learned is that my *anger* has triggers. It's more related to anxiety than other things - such as when I perceive my child to be in danger, or when I feel like my abilities are being called into question.

I highly recommend looking into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In a not-a-medical-professional nutshell, you learn to identify what activating event or trigger causing you too "loose it", figure out what belief pops in your mind, and what the consequence is.
Here is a very simple example
My husband tells me the house is dirty and we need to clean it.
Internally, I *hear* that I'm not keeping the house in good enough condition and
I feel he is blaming me and I'm not doing all I can even though my plate is already full... so i get angry about all of it.
The reality is, he never said it was my fault, so I need to stop over reacting to his simple statement and not internalize it. So next time he says "The house is a mess, let's clean it", I should respond "I'll tackle the kitchen, can you tackle the bathrooms?" and realize there is no underlying message.

Very interesting, thanks for sharing. I would do exactly as you did in your example, if cleaning the house were my responsibility. In fact, when I speak to my husband, I am trying to tell him he didn't do one of his jobs.