really struggling with my son's daycare teacher. how do you handle it when you have concerns?

[Anonymous]

I guess this question depends on the facility and frankly I don't love how our daughter's daycare makes parents feel when they express concerns about things. They either make you feel like you are a trouble maker or the issue is simply not addressed. I do feel somewhat paralyzed because there are so few options for daycare facilities and waitlists are so long. we have put her name of a few other places for next year but it is highly unlikely she will get in.

When my daughter first transitioned to her new class in September, we had limited concerns but as the year has progressed the teacher has become quite negative where I have heard her say mean things about the other children in the class. She taunts my daughter at times in a fashion that I don't think most 2/3 year olds could handle. Generally, the kids in her class do not seem happy and overall there appears to be less structure compared to other classrooms. My daughter complains when we drop her off that she wants to go to another teachers classroom (but that may be her simply trying to work me over!)

What would you do in this situation? She only has 3 months left in this class. There is part of me that feels as though I should go to someone in the administrative department but the other part thinks I should just ride it out and avoid addressing and hope for a better teacher next year. I get limited opportunities to see other parents and ask if they have similar concerns

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, This is so common in day care settings and it is really good that you are looking for advice and have come to the realization that this is not a great place for your child.

There are many things that can be done, but speaking frankly and nicely to your day care teacher directly is the first step. However, since you have already heard the provider say "mean things" about other children in the class and that she "taunts" your daughter you may be talking to a brick wall. Your daughter is not "trying to work you over." She is telling you that she is unhappy and does not want to be in the care of this provider. Listen to your child and do what you can to help her. There are no excuses for a provider to treat a child this way.

[Anonymous]

Oops, sorry Op...your child is a boy!

[Anonymous]

I know it is a pain but start looking for a new place. We had a similar experience with a bad daycare. Everyone had the attitude of well these issues are just normal to a daycare and such and such teacher has been here for years. I did talk to other parents who has similar concerns but the director was only annoyed that the parents were complaining amongst themselves. We fell for the idea that if you are going to use daycare then you just need to suck it up and put up with less then stellar people watching your kids. If your kids are having fun with other kids and the safety is not an issue they will be OK.

We finally had enough with the place and decided to deal with the financial cost of a nanny and part time preschool. We found a preschool that had full day and part time options. My expectations were that we would not do the 2s room for our youngest and keep the kids in part time preschool until K. This school was amazing and we starting realizing what BS it was that the previous daycare had been selling us. The fact is that daycare or preschool with full day options does not need to be staffed with sub par teachers or run by incompetent admin staff. We decided to do full day for both kids and have been thrilled with the school.

[Anonymous]

I had the same issue when my son was facing a move up to a 4s class room where none of the 3 teachers was any good. And definitely not any good for him. The director tried to move him up early (about 6 weeks early) and I said no. Not only that, but I was going to delay his moving until the last possible moment. Fortunately, enough parents complained and they hired a good teacher (so far). My son's up in that class now and doing quite well.

If I were you, I'd go to the director and see if you could move your child up to the next class a little early. Is that possible where you are? Do you know what kind of teachers are in the next level up? Do you like them? Is it a good fit for your child?

If this isn't possible or you don't like the teachers at the next age level, then I'd start looking around for a new place. If the director doesn't show any great concern or motiviation to help you, however, you are likely to find similar teachers in the next level up.

[Anonymous]

OP here -thank you all so much for the supportive posts. It is so nice to feel the support and not feel alone during this process. sorry I was confusing -it is my daughter not my son. we have a 3 month old son (not yet in daycare and home with me until I return to work) but he too will go to this daycare unless we find a different option!

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you (quadrant of DC, MD, VA, etc.) in case some of us have other suggestions for day care providers.