All boys school/I am losing it!

[Anonymous]

I am struggling with whether I should send my son to an all boys school. If he starts at the elementary grades, it is probably he will also go to an all boys high school.

I have a number of issues that I am thinking through, but lately I have been focusing on the what kind of great memories of the high school experience he will have if he goes to an all boys school.

I just watched Alvin and the Chipmunks, the Squeakel. The main story is about a dance contest at a high school -- it showed boys and girls having fun, football games, cheerleaders, a lot of diversity, etc. It is a fun movie.

I also love Glee.

I know it is pretty bizarre to be influenced by this movie and TV show, but it did get me thinking. My best memories of high school involve boys and girls having fun together, football games and other sports, the annual musical, etc.

Thoughts from people with boys at an all boys school? Anyone's son regret the decision and think he missed out on the "typical" high school experience?

TIA

[Anonymous]

The thing I wonder about is whether an all boys school would be better equipped to deal with my super active first grader. I feel like he get compared to girls. The expectations for impulse control and sitting still are crazy at my son's school. If there were a good all-boys option near us, that really got boys, I would look at it.

[Anonymous]

I've looked into the available online sources of peer reviewed research on same sex schools k-12. A careful reading seems to show boys benefit academically from early years boys only school, while girls benefit academically from girls only school in later years. The most discussed options on this forum have it backwards.

Does seem clear to me (male) that removing girls from ongoing everyday allday contact with a boy can only heighten the tendency to judge women only by appearance in early adulthood. Some will say that's already preordained, but really, it seems far more complex dance.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what school you are looking towards. But there are so many great, single sex schools in this town. That it doesn't feel weird at all. I went to Visitation for high school and we hung out with boys from all the single sex schools on a daily basis...plenty of dances, sports games, library studying at Bethesda Library, etc. The best party was not having to worry about looking "uncool" when getting engaged in class discussions, etc. It was a positive, wonderful experience in so many ways. Plus is was so mainstream in this town...no stigma in DC.

[Anonymous]

Most of the literature seems to support single sex for girls, but not for boys. Common sense tells me the same thing. If you have a super active boy though, in the younger years, perhaps they could handle him better at a boys' school. I would then consider coed for high school.

[Anonymous]

As a Madeira/Seven Sisters graduate I am a very strong supporter of single sex education for girls. I truly believe that much of my academic success which has translated to personal success was fostered by the environment at Madeira in particular. I can't speak from the experience of a teenage boy but many of my friends were at all boys schools (mostly boarding) and they really seemed to form a strong bond that I didn't see from my friends at co-ed schools. 20+ years later as a parent of a young boy, I would absolutely consider single sex high school education for my DS. I would also consider it K-8 and particularly after 5th grade if I felt it would be a good fit. While I agree it is probably more beneficial for girls, the teenage years are difficult for any child. It's hard to measure the value of removing the pressure of all of the teenage drama that goes on in a co-ed environment. I don't know how to put it into words that make sense. In my experience the absence of the other sex helped create an environment where the focus was on learning. I was in co-ed public through 9th grade and the difference was incredible.

All of the single sex schools in the area seem to have plenty of opportunities to mix with the opposite sex. If you think it's the right fit for DS now, I would go for it and reassess as you go. My bet is neither you nor he will regret it!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the comments.

A couple of people have made the point that there are events and other opportunities for all boys and all girls schools to get together.

That actually raises questions, and is bring to mind what a good friend said about his all boys school experience.

He said that he had an overall positive experience and contrary to popular belief, it was not a frat boy environment. But he did say that he only thought of girls as someone to date -- and that these mixers contributed to that.

In other words, he didn't experience just hanging out with girls, working side by side together in class as equals, seeing brilliant girls in action in class, etc.

To the Visitation poster, what is your experience? What are these mixers like?

[Anonymous]

Alvin and the Chipmonks? Glee?

If you're going to choose your son's school based on pop culture references, at least look to the relevant ones. For all-boys education watch "Dead Poets Society".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the comments.

A couple of people have made the point that there are events and other opportunities for all boys and all girls schools to get together.

That actually raises questions, and is bring to mind what a good friend said about his all boys school experience.

He said that he had an overall positive experience and contrary to popular belief, it was not a frat boy environment. But he did say that he only thought of girls as someone to date -- and that these mixers contributed to that.

In other words, he didn't experience just hanging out with girls, working side by side together in class as equals, seeing brilliant girls in action in class, etc.

To the Visitation poster, what is your experience? What are these mixers like?

St. Albans has a good number of co-Ed classes at the high school level--they can do it logistically bc they are basically on the same campus (the Cathedral grounds). Also co-Ed arts (singing, orchestra, drama) program, and some teams ( x-country, track, swimming) train together.

[Anonymous]

You're right on about those mixers. I would not consider them valuable coed opportunities, rather just big, loud, sometimes wild and pseudosupervised parties that often involve kids from several different upper schools. Coed classes, sports and arts opportunities would be better in that regard, but if that's that important to you, you'd want to inquire how prevalent those opportunities really are. Eg, if your son is not necessarily a track/xc guy or not likely to act in school plays, those coed options aren't going to do much for him. Of course, those are not the boys who could most benefit from working and learning alongside bright girls

[Anonymous]

I went to an all girls school and loved it. We had mixers with the all boys schools, but not classes. However, most of us had brothers in the all boys schools, so we hung out together after school anyway.
I loved being in an all girls school. We moved my junior year and I went to a co-ed school for my last 2 years, and it was a dramatic difference. But agin, its from the all girls perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Madeira/Seven Sisters graduate I am a very strong supporter of single sex education for girls. I truly believe that much of my academic success which has translated to personal success was fostered by the environment at Madeira in particular. I can't speak from the experience of a teenage boy but many of my friends were at all boys schools (mostly boarding) and they really seemed to form a strong bond that I didn't see from my friends at co-ed schools. 20+ years later as a parent of a young boy, I would absolutely consider single sex high school education for my DS. I would also consider it K-8 and particularly after 5th grade if I felt it would be a good fit. While I agree it is probably more beneficial for girls, the teenage years are difficult for any child. It's hard to measure the value of removing the pressure of all of the teenage drama that goes on in a co-ed environment. I don't know how to put it into words that make sense. In my experience the absence of the other sex helped create an environment where the focus was on learning. I was in co-ed public through 9th grade and the difference was incredible.

All of the single sex schools in the area seem to have plenty of opportunities to mix with the opposite sex. If you think it's the right fit for DS now, I would go for it and reassess as you go. My bet is neither you nor he will regret it!

The teenage drama and bad girl -to-girl behavior can be worse on a daily basis at single sex girls schools. Why? No boys on-site to temper the behaviors. Girl cliques and isolation create desperate people. There is also extreme gossip and fabrication that would not be done in massive packs publically in the school if said boys were strolling the halls and lounges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're right on about those mixers. I would not consider them valuable coed opportunities, rather just big, loud, sometimes wild and pseudosupervised parties that often involve kids from several different upper schools. Coed classes, sports and arts opportunities would be better in that regard, but if that's that important to you, you'd want to inquire how prevalent those opportunities really are. Eg, if your son is not necessarily a track/xc guy or not likely to act in school plays, those coed options aren't going to do much for him. Of course, those are not the boys who could most benefit from working and learning alongside bright girls

10:40 again. How do you know boys not in coed sports or activities are the ones who would most benefit from exposure to working and learning with bright girls? Being bright or wealthy or part of the DC private school "family" crowd doesn't make a girl a lady, attractive, kind or some one a guy would want to date or consider a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

"The teenage drama and bad girl -to-girl behavior can be worse on a daily basis at single sex girls schools. Why? No boys on-site to temper the behaviors. Girl cliques and isolation create desperate people. There is also extreme gossip and fabrication that would not be done in massive packs publically in the school if said boys were strolling the halls and lounges."

I totally disagree with this. Jealous girls are much easier set off and more explosive if the cause is right in front of them.

[Anonymous]

I am 50 years old and I have vowed never to talk to my parents again for forcing me to ho to an all boys high school. I hope for you sake that you are making the right decision. You don't have to be right when you provide a normal education environment but when you deviate from the norm, you had better be right. Academics are the nearly the same everywhere, but you will be depriving you son of a normal environment during a critical developmental stage of his life. My wife (of 16 years) and I separated a couple of years back and I firmly believe that my education in an all boys school in some way contributed to our separation and my current feeling of hate towards my parents. I would be very careful if I were you. Unless there is some reason to deprive you son of a normal high school experience I would not do it.