How to manage/avoid the angst?

[Anonymous]

I'm looking for feedback on how to manage the anxiety of pregnancy. I'm at early stages and have had a few scares already, although at the moment it looks like everyone is healthy. But I had a M/C last year and I feel like I can't stop worrying, and I'm going to be constantly steeling myself to get through each milestone - first sono; first trimester; amnio results; etc - when none of them provide any real comfort until you have a healthy baby. I'm AMA plus the prior history and current complications mean there's plenty of reason to worry. I just don't know if I can make it until 20 weeks without having a nervous breakdown. Work is a distraction to some extent but not enough. With my first child I was blissfully unaware of any of this... Any tips on how to keep cool for a couple more months, presuming, fingers crossed, that I make it that far?

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm sorry for your past loss and I'm not sure that I have any really good ideas for you. Yoga was very helpful for me as was journaling. And each week meant that I was one step closer to feeling safer in this pregnancy. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean. I am ttc again after a first trimester mc. I know when I get pg again I will be a nervous wreck, even more than I was the first time.

I have heard acupuncture can help, as long as you go to someone who knows how to do it on a pregnant person.

Good luck, and have a happy and healthy 9 months!!

[Anonymous]

Very important to realize that it will NOT be all over once you have a healthy baby. Because, then, you worry about developmental milestones, etc.

The fact is that WHOLE NEW UNIVERSES OF ANXIETY open up when you become pg and a parent. Just how it is. We just shift where we put the anxiety from one place to another over time.

Welcome to parenthood!!!!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! I had two miscarriages before I successfully delivered in January. I had a lot of angst, but I just told myself there was nothing I could do early on to prevent another miscarriage. I had already seen a specialist before conceiving the third time and I was taking good care of myself. For some reason the "whatever will be will be" attitude helped me relax. Just take good care of yourself - eat well (if you can), take some deep breaths, drink lots of water, and get your rest. Stress isn't good for you. Try to enjoy this special time!

[Anonymous]

I just kept thinking for my baby's sake I have to keep myself calm and collected. I mean it is inside of you, so thinking good thoughts and staying happy and calm can only be good for the baby. Well, that's my philosophy anyway.

[Anonymous]

You might want to try to take hypnobirthing classes early. While the major thrust is pain management through affirmations, many people also have reduced fears. It really worked for me (reduced pain in labor and reduced fears).

[Anonymous]

I second the PP advice on hypnobirthing. I'm only 16 weeks but we did our first class last weekend and I love the affirmations and relaxation CD.

I too had an early MC last year and the first 12 weeks of this pg were almost debiliating. I just focused on getting through one week at a time and tried to avoid opporunities to read scary posts and books that only fed into my anxiety.

When we did our sonogram at 12 weeks and I saw our little one doing sommersaults and kicks, I couldn't believe it. Now that I'm feeling well and not yet feeling fetal movement I find myself again starting to question whether everything is going ok in there. Someone said to me the other night "you don't even look pregnant" which I know they meant as a compliment but it made me uneasy all the same.

20 weeks is my next goal post and then you set another goal further down the field. Remember that letting go of the fear and letting yourself enjoy this time will not make it worse if something goes wrong - mentally preparing for the worst does not make it hurt any less if it happens.

One of the best lessons from hypnobirthing so far - your body knows what it is doing. it's usually our heads that get in the way and make things more painful so I'd focus on trusting your body and trying to enjoy this time.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks very much to those who posted with advice, particularly those who've been through M/C. I realize now how lucky and clueless I was the first time around on that score, so I'm probably overcompensating now. But I've managed to find some sort of calm mostly because as one of the PPs noted, I realize that I really have no control over this at all.

Let me just say on the hypnobirthing thing, thanks but no thanks. Since I'm concerned about first trimester issues rather than birthing techniques, I'm not really sure why it's relevant and I'm a little puzzled at all the hype around this technique here (or is it sock puppetry??) Either way, I promise not to bludgeon you with my own preference for a medicated birth (heavily if at all possible) if the natural birth afficiandos could just ease up on the propaganda a bit... Sorry for the bluntness but most of us on DCUM already have kids and probably have already formed pretty good ideas of what we want in this department.

[Anonymous]

I also had an early miscarriage and then got pregnant again pretty quickly. It was really hard to make it through the first 8 weeks. The two episodes of bleeding did not help any with my anxieties. I got so tired of being freaked out all the time. I just had to accept that I was doing all that I could do and the rest was completely out of my control. I started being happy for every single day I stayed pregnant and tried to avoid thinking about all the possible issues. I am now 15 weeks and still feeling appreciative that I have made it this far. Good luck! I know it is hard.