Need help 4 yr old Autism

[Anonymous]

Im a single parent and my child's diagnosis is controlling my life. I am having thoughts of dropping her off at her dad'S house indefinitely but he is married and has never been in her life. She doesn't know him and I'm afraid that would traumatize her or cause her to regress. She is verbal but can sometimes be a bit much. She has therapy everyday. I'm tired with no family in the area. I've considered moving but DMV has the services, programs she needs and I don't want to stop her progress, shE's potty trained, smart, and beautiful, I love her but can't take it anymore. She's to young for boarding school and Jills house. It's not fair that her dad only rights a child support check and doesn't deal with hands on challenges. Yes, I'm in counseling but it doesn't solve the daily Challenges that I have to deal with.help!

[Anonymous]

I know it's so hard. Even with my husband and I caring with them together, its hard.

Can you afford to get some help each day during the crunch times when you really need help/and or break?

In my experience even two hours where someone else could do bath and dinner for you a couple times a week might make a world of difference.

I know what your burn out feels like, and I empathize. I wouldn't waste a lot of your energy on her father and his role, just focus on what you can do for yourself. The more you take care of yourself the better off you and she will both be.

[Anonymous]

Do they have respite services where you are? I know my sister got help because she is a single mom of two autistic kids but she lives out West. Is your daughter in Pre-K or K, I assume Pre-K? I will tell you it gets easier once they are in school a full day. My sister has been doing much better now that the youngest is in school a full day. What is your social support like? Do you have friends or church members you can ask for help? Hang in there. I now how rough it is for you but there is hope! It does get better.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just want to send you a hug and tell you that I feel for you. My kids have delays and it feels like a big and lonely burden just because my husband and I aren't always on the same page and because I do the bulk of child care/therapies, though he is quite supportive. What you are doing is so much harder. It is really tough.

If I were in your position, I would probably move. If you think your family would provide support and if they live in an area where your child can get decent services, then don't let fear of the move itself keep you from considering it. It could make a huge difference in the quality of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's so hard. Even with my husband and I caring with them together, its hard.

Can you afford to get some help each day during the crunch times when you really need help/and or break?

In my experience even two hours where someone else could do bath and dinner for you a couple times a week might make a world of difference.

I know what your burn out feels like, and I empathize. I wouldn't waste a lot of your energy on her father and his role, just focus on what you can do for yourself. The more you take care of yourself the better off you and she will both be.

Thanks. I'm in the process of getting respite services in place. I appreciate your response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just want to send you a hug and tell you that I feel for you. My kids have delays and it feels like a big and lonely burden just because my husband and I aren't always on the same page and because I do the bulk of child care/therapies, though he is quite supportive. What you are doing is so much harder. It is really tough.

If I were in your position, I would probably move. If you think your family would provide support and if they live in an area where your child can get decent services, then don't let fear of the move itself keep you from considering it. It could make a huge difference in the quality of your life.

Thanks. My family would provide the support but here my child gets all of her services for free and if I relocated I would have to pay thousands of dollars a month (that I don't have) and the programs in the school system where my family is located doesn't have autism programs and aba specialist in the school setting. I'm currently seeking respite care but until it is secured all I can say is it's hard. Thanks for the hug and the response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have respite services where you are? I know my sister got help because she is a single mom of two autistic kids but she lives out West. Is your daughter in Pre-K or K, I assume Pre-K? I will tell you it gets easier once they are in school a full day. My sister has been doing much better now that the youngest is in school a full day. What is your social support like? Do you have friends or church members you can ask for help? Hang in there. I now how rough it is for you but there is hope! It does get better.

Yes she's in a full day program but while she's at school, I'm working when she get's home, we're off to therapy, before I know it the weekend is here which means, laundry, cleaning,grocery shopping, and when I try to go somewhere fun she doesn't always exhibit unnoticiable behavior. I don't have any friends or church members because I never have the chance to go out and meet new people.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't move out of a school setting in which you are well served. I also think a move might be very difficult for your daughter -- for any 4 year old but especially for your little one.

OP, I was thinking about your post today and I was wondering if you could get baby-sitting for even an hour or two regularly a week. Is there a university student who is interested in working with kids with autism? Or even a mother's helper so you could get things done around the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't move out of a school setting in which you are well served. I also think a move might be very difficult for your daughter -- for any 4 year old but especially for your little one.

OP, I was thinking about your post today and I was wondering if you could get baby-sitting for even an hour or two regularly a week. Is there a university student who is interested in working with kids with autism? Or even a mother's helper so you could get things done around the house?

The problem is I don't know any universyt students or mother's helpers. I'm not from this area - so I don't know many people and I don't have an opportunity to get out to start new relationships. How could I go about getting a mother's helper?

[Anonymous]

One resource is local universities. I know AU's placement office has an on-line site matching students who babysit with families looking for babysitters. Also, you might want to post notices where your daughter gets her therapies for babysitters. Sometimes therapists know of students or other kids have babysitters who want some additional money.

Also, if the therapist you are seeing for yourself isn't helping you cope, you might consider finding another therapist. I realize this is in large part a logistical issue and that you need certain supports or services, but I also sense in your posts that you might be dealing with depression and that its causing a certain amount of inertia (you say you don't know any babysitters but it sounds like you haven't made an effort to find them. This is the sort of inertia I mean, maybe caused by depression?). You maybe should see a medical doctor, a psychiatrist, so medication for you is at least on the table.

[Anonymous]

(((((((((((((((((((OP))))))))))))))))))))

I am so glad you are trying to get respite. I know the feeling of burnout all too well and I am sending you lots of support.

This may be a long shot, but there's a program called KEEN (kids enjoy exercise now). It's a free play program for kids with disabilities. My thought is your daughter is likely too high functioning, but it's worth a google and a try.

I don't know where you live, but I have heard of people doing a progam where the church volunteers watch children while a mom gets a little time to herself for a minimal fee. I don't think you have to be a member. Also, are you affiliated with a church/synagogue/mosque/temple? If so, find out what they have to offer. Go to the leader and share your stress.

Hang in there OP!! Please keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One resource is local universities. I know AU's placement office has an on-line site matching students who babysit with families looking for babysitters. Also, you might want to post notices where your daughter gets her therapies for babysitters. Sometimes therapists know of students or other kids have babysitters who want some additional money.

Also, if the therapist you are seeing for yourself isn't helping you cope, you might consider finding another therapist. I realize this is in large part a logistical issue and that you need certain supports or services, but I also sense in your posts that you might be dealing with depression and that its causing a certain amount of inertia (you say you don't know any babysitters but it sounds like you haven't made an effort to find them. This is the sort of inertia I mean, maybe caused by depression?). You maybe should see a medical doctor, a psychiatrist, so medication for you is at least on the table.

Thanks. I have a session scheduled for today w therapist and will also Contact AU. Money has also been an issue prohibiting me from finding a sitter, but we recently enrolled in a program that will provide free respite and I'm scheduled to interview a few people his week. It is my priority To get help,because I know it's killing me each day, I wanT to love her the way I did prior to her diagnosis, but because of the stress I realize I don't so now I'm focusing on changing So that I have options. Thanks for your support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(((((((((((((((((((OP))))))))))))))))))))

I am so glad you are trying to get respite. I know the feeling of burnout all too well and I am sending you lots of support.

This may be a long shot, but there's a program called KEEN (kids enjoy exercise now). It's a free play program for kids with disabilities. My thought is your daughter is likely too high functioning, but it's worth a google and a try.

I don't know where you live, but I have heard of people doing a progam where the church volunteers watch children while a mom gets a little time to herself for a minimal fee. I don't think you have to be a member. Also, are you affiliated with a church/synagogue/mosque/temple? If so, find out what they have to offer. Go to the leader and share your stress.

Hang in there OP!! Please keep us posted!

Thanks. I will google KEEN and I haven't been consistent with a church Long enough to form relationships. We were attending a church with childcare, but they recommended her for the special needs room and it was too much for me. All of the kids were different ages With different disabilities and levels of functioning so I stoppeD going because her attention span and ability to sit quietly for 2 hrs isn't there yet. We found another church with a kids Section and it seems to b ok, but we just started there a few mtgs ago. I really appreciate your help and concern. Will keep u posted.

[Anonymous]

OP -

can you hire one of your kids present or past teachers or therapists... as a babysitter once or twice a month? By happenstance, we hired one of the baby room workers from our old daycare twice a month - for just two hours each time as money is limited. Because she is a daycare worker, she has a baseline level of skills/comfort with kids and has known my child since she was an infant. Now when the sitter comes, my child pushes me out the door because she wants her special time with miss x. They play games, read books, go to the park. It is a very comfortable relationship. So, if you can hire a current or former teacher for a regularly schedule sit, I would highly recommend that because you could plan around that small break. Sometimes I do chores, sometimes I just go read a book. The best part, is I know my child will be having an enriching experience with someone she loves while I get my break.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone! It is so very hard to parent a child with ASD, especially when you don't have a good support network in place. You are doing a great job. Don't feel you have to have the peddle to the metal each and every moment - it isn't sustainable. This is a long haul sort of thing so pace yourself. If you need to take a break from your DD's therapy - do it! It'll be okay. Where are you located? In Fairfax County, there are some programs you might look into that offer respite http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/rec/trs/ctya.htm . You also seem to know about Jill's house which is good.

Mother's helpers - we found ours through our civic association (not a HOA). I posted that I was looking for a couple of kids to play with mine while I did work around the house. Our first group have now grown a bit and work as babysitters. I found the second set (girls and boys) after meeting a few kids in the neighborhood while we were taking walks. There were a couple of kids (about 10 or 12 yo) who seemed friendly, good with the little ones and lived nearby. I introduced myself to their parents and told them what we were interested in. I invited the parents over to the house and also provided them with some neighborhood references. It's been the best $5/hr I've ever spent.

For babysitters, I know the preschool teachers at my kids' school sometimes babysit. They also know other parents who do it frequently. One mom I know is a SAHM, she babysits and also picks kids up from school and ferries them to various lessons and appointments. You might talk to the school's teacher or guidance counselor.

Finally, I don't know if you have the energy for this but you might consider seeking a change in your child support order to include respite care and assistance. You have got to get some time to yourself and recharge. You might also consider the possiblity that you have some depression. I was having some ongoing coping issues and finally went on a low dose of an anti-depressant. It really made a big difference. I don't feel changed, I just feel like I'm off the roller coaster and more like my old self. It's so difficult and you shouldn't hesitate to use all the tools available to you. Best of luck!