saving vs. spending and responsibility vs. fun pre-kids?

[Anonymous]

In retrospect, would you have changed your responsibility/fun balance before you had kids, knowing what you know now as a parent?

We're TTC, and feel like we should save as much as humanly possible now before we have a kid. We're generally financially responsible and are on track with retirement, etc., but know that our disposible income is going to take a big hit for, oh, 23 years. I also feel like it would be awfully nice to do some things like weekend trips for just the two of us while we still can. We took a couple of great trips in the last few years, so I'm trying to be content with that. The same dynamic is also at play in trying to decide whether to take the time to DIY some minor, low-cost projects around the house or spend our time doing free, fun things (one of which in particular will probably be way less frequent post-kid!) because our time will be more limited.

[Anonymous]

I would have probably been less frugal. We didn't save a lot, but didn't go on any fun trips (including a honeymoon) before we had kids. I would have traveled a bit more pre-kids.

[Anonymous]

I would have taken a big exotic, non-kid friendly trip, but sounds like you've already done a couple big trips. Otherwise, probably the majority of us should have saved more, but what did we know. It's great that you are thinking about it now. If you are still TTC, then you have at least 9 months to do that fun (low cost) pre-baby stuff, and some of the DIY home projects. Make a list of the top few of each that you most want to get done before you have a baby and try to knock those out and maybe pick one or two relatively inexpensive weekend getaways. FWIW you can do weekend trips with a baby/kid. Just not the romantic out to dinner until 11 pm kind.

All of this of course, depends on how much you make, how much you have, what your costs will be after baby (ie nanny, daycare, loss of income because someone stays home for maternity/paternity leave or indefinitely). I strongly recommend doing a realistic budget with how much you make, your fixed costs now, your income when on leave, and after baby and those fixed costs (ie including daycare). Child care and trying to save for college are the biggest increases post-kids at first. If you go public school, one of those will decrease a lot after 5 years. Then look at your extra income and your discretionary costs (cable, smartphone, eating out). can you afford it all? Can you trim certain things to be able to have your weekend getaways? You likely will eat out less once you have the baby, BUT you also have less time so may want other outsourcing features (a cleaning person, take out etc). Be brutually honest about your spending (in fact you could track every dollar you spend for a month to see where you can cut, if necessary).

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback. I think we have a pretty good handle on our budget for the baby stage.

The big unknowns are when the kid is school age--whether we'll be able to
a) get in to a good charter or out-of-boundary DCPS or, if that doesn't work,
b) sell or rent out our current house (not sure if either of those will be financially feasible) and move out of the District, or
c) pay for private school.

[Anonymous]

Ah, cannot help you there. We are in a good DCPS zone. I would read up and start looking at DC's percentages for charters and OOB. Of course a lot can change in 6 years but it will at least give you an idea. I think it's getting a little more challenging (OOB applications) because a lot of people are staying in the district. Also look at the prices of various privates. I suspect it's cheaper to move than pay for private (for 13 years) but others may correct me. This will let you know if you need to start considering a move to a decent DCPS zone (still with the option of going for a better OOB or charter) or out of DC in the next few years.

[Anonymous]

I really wish we had traveled more pre-baby. I'd say do it. It may even help with TTC...

But I also wish we had been more frugal--less expensive dinners 3x a month. Then again, we ate well, entertained a lot, drank well, and had a good time. I don't regret that. It is much harder now to throw elaborate and leisurely dinner parties these days.

[Anonymous]

I would have:

gone on more exotic, expensive, kid-unfriendly trips. (i have a feeling I"m never going to see Cambodia/Laos/Vietnam now. India, Botswana ... sniff)

bought more $$$ wood antiques. Not upholstered stuff -- that just gets trashed with kids -- but things like rare Swedish mirrors and walnut armoires. Clocks, end tables.

done the $200K+ addition-renovation. We always figured we'd get around to it and we didn't, and now we see how %#$@ it is to pay for private school every month, we're never going to add that extra ~$600 a month to our HELOC/new mortgage.

[Anonymous]

We did travel a ton and postpone TTC and while I don't regret any of it, if we had started earlier we might have avoided IVF (or even had a second).

[Anonymous]

I really, really wish we had finished our DIY projects before having a child. We didn't and ended up paying contractors, which was very expensive.

Maybe do one mid-priced special vacation that you couldn't do while pregnant or with a child?

There are a lot of free and cheap things that you can do now but would be difficult with a child. It's hard to relax while running after a kid. I miss just dinners at home while talking to my husband. I'm curious when uninterrrupted conversation rejoins my life.

Congratulations! It's a different lifestyle for sure but I really don't miss a lot of the things I used to do. It's so worth it to have a kid. Plus there are so many fun, free things to do with kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here--thanks for the advice.
we're underwater on our mortgage now, so what happens to the value of our house over the next several years will affect what makes the most financial sense, but is another unpredictable factor.

[Anonymous]

I would have traveled more, but otherwise I'm pretty happy with my pre-baby money management. I bought a house I could afford at age 27, and it's appreciated a decent amount. (though nowhere near as much as some houses i looked at. Doh.) I saved 15% or more (up to 20K a year) of my income for retirement, so now I've got a good foundation for that. I finished my schooling and didn't have to finance much of it, so I don't have student loans hanging over my head forver. I could have been more frugal, but all that money I spent on alcohol resulted in some really great stories I can look back on fondly.