Being a parent not all it is cracked up to be?

[Anonymous]

I know I'll get flamed for this - but I was wondering if there was anyone else out there that isn't as enthralled with parenthood as you thought you would be. My heart doesn't ache when I am at work and away from them, by the end of the weekend, I am ready to go back to work and leave them with the nanny, and I don't feel this all encompassing love for them. They would never know this as I play along with my "mommy" role and hug/kiss/cuddle/play/teach/etc with them - but after almost 3 years it just isn't "there."

*sigh*

[Anonymous]

One of my co-workers always says that once you become a parent, you LOVE Monday mornings so you can go back to work and leave the kids at daycare!!

Don't be hard on yourself. I think young kids are really, really tough, and it's a relief to me when mine goes down for a nap or off to bed. I also think parents have a lot less time off these days, because when we were little, we'd just head out the door and play with the neighborhood kids, play by ourselves for hours on end, and it seems (to me anyway) that now we have "playdates" where the parents stay, and parents tend to play with their children most of the child's waking hours.

It's entirely possible you'll be more "into" being a parent when your kids are in elementary school, or high school. Don't worry!

[Anonymous]

It is "there" for me - even more so than I was anticipating - but I have heard other mothers discuss sharing your experience.

Also, just a thought, it sounds like you had a multiple birth? If so, I think there has been so little study done of the stress involved in parenting multiples, which we all see as so common now but which used to be quite rare. I have wondered in the past how that stress impacts bonding.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I can't relate but I wonder if it could be attributed to anything else? Is the rest of your life super happy? DO you love your job-is your relationship with your husband strong? I'm bringing this up because maybe if another part of your life got better your happiness would overflow into your life with the kids? Were you happier with one child and now with two it's overwhelming? I would try to look into what could be the problem so that as your children grow they don't sense it because that seems easier to hide when they are younger-Best of luck! You probably have alot in your life to be grateful for-maybe focus on the positive and try to do things on the weekend that are more fun for all of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my co-workers always says that once you become a parent, you LOVE Monday mornings so you can go back to work and leave the kids at daycare!!

Don't be hard on yourself. I think young kids are really, really tough, and it's a relief to me when mine goes down for a nap or off to bed. I also think parents have a lot less time off these days, because when we were little, we'd just head out the door and play with the neighborhood kids, play by ourselves for hours on end, and it seems (to me anyway) that now we have "playdates" where the parents stay, and parents tend to play with their children most of the child's waking hours.

It's entirely possible you'll be more "into" being a parent when your kids are in elementary school, or high school. Don't worry!

I feel similar. Adore my daughter, but she is draining! And despite working full-time, I still am the primary caretaker, on top of all my "old" household chores. Work is a breeze because you can decompress when you want to (usually). And it so true that in the old days, the mom would just plop us outside and let us entertain ourselves or be entertained by the other kids in the neighborhood. Good luck finding a neighborhood where you can do THAT! I heard being a mom was tough, but this was a harsh awakening for me! Don't feel too bad OP! And don't feel guilty...it is a hard job, and many times, unfulfilling.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be so sure kids cannot pick up on our feelings; my son is a toddler but I have the distinct impression that he is aware when I am not "there" or when my heart isn't in it. We all have times like this, though. We are human. I do not share your feelings overall, though, so I'm not sure how to direct you other than ask what other posters have asked--about what else is going on in your life. Maybe you are feeling sad about other things? I can relate to that completely, so I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. I often get that physical rush of joy and love for my daughter, but almost always when she's fallen asleep on me, in those precious moments that are free of fussing, hair-pulling, screeching and cheerio-throwing. The actual everyday interactions quickly begin to feel choreish. I'm looking forward to the day when we can talk, and do crafts and things. Right now, it's basically about keeping her happy and safe, and it's a pretty one-sided relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get flamed for this - but I was wondering if there was anyone else out there that isn't as enthralled with parenthood as you thought you would be. My heart doesn't ache when I am at work and away from them, by the end of the weekend, I am ready to go back to work and leave them with the nanny, and I don't feel this all encompassing love for them. They would never know this as I play along with my "mommy" role and hug/kiss/cuddle/play/teach/etc with them - but after almost 3 years it just isn't "there."

*sigh*

Absolutely. It is hard and incessant. I miss all the couple stuff we used to do, I miss going out, I miss mini-breaks, and I miss staying in bed all day watching films. Above all, I miss feeling relaxed - a feeling I haven't had since DC was born...

[Anonymous]

I know, I definitely have those Mondays when I am so glad to go back to work. I never thought I could be so physically exhausted - and the endless chores, and being pooped on, peed on, vomited on -- I could do without all of those. Not to mention getting up at the crack of dawn ALL of the time. I think my DDs are auditioning to be Wash Post carriers. Hang in there - I just try to remember the great moments - snuggling with them, watching them when they're asleep, the bear hugs at the end of the day. That's what keeps me slogging through all of this.

[Anonymous]

I guess I would separate the desire to go back to work Monday morning (always!) from the feelings or lack-there-of of all-encompassing love. I would totally throw myself under a bus to save my children, and my biggest nightmare is that anything would ever happen to them (it used to be that anything would happen to my husband-- poor guy's been demoted in my nightmares). But this all-encompassing love doesn't mean they don't try my patience by talking nonsense gobbeldy-gook and flinging themselves around the room when they're supposed to be getting dressed for school so we can be on time.

[Anonymous]

Parenting is what you make of it. That includes the good and the bad - just like any job.
Ok, so repetitive peek-a-boos and potty training can be a drag, but I am sure there are meetings and projects at work that are just as monotonous.

Try to remember too, that there are thousands of couples out there wishing they could be in your shoes - having a lovely family/babies/kids at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting is what you make of it. That includes the good and the bad - just like any job.
Ok, so repetitive peek-a-boos and potty training can be a drag, but I am sure there are meetings and projects at work that are just as monotonous.

Try to remember too, that there are thousands of couples out there wishing they could be in your shoes - having a lovely family/babies/kids at home.

I can see where the OP is coming from, but I also agee with this poster. Parenthood is really what you make of it. I also work full time (large law firm) and see my job as a bit of an escape but I really enjoy the time that I spend with my 3yo daughter even when she is being her most challenging and I am getting ready to loose my mind. Somehow the love always seem to smooth everything over.

I also think that things can only improve as they get older, I can't wait for the day when I can take her shopping without having to worry about loosing her among the racks of clothes or when her is old enough to really help me cook - currently she is limited to beating eggs or sprinkling spices.

[Anonymous]

Also, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Some people are better at different stages. My own mother was a miserable parent for young children. She was a pretty good parent for tween and teen girls. My daughter is nearly 6 and I am enjoying motherhood much more now than at 2 or 3. I feel like I will do well with a tween or teen. I think many of my mom friends who love the infant, baby, toddler stages will have trouble with the older stages and feel like OP does now at a different time in their child(ren)'s lives.

[Anonymous]

PP - I couldn't agree with you more. Frankly, I did not enjoy the baby/toddler stage at all. I thought it was mind numbingly boring and exhausting. I love, love, love the elementary school stage. They are such little people with their own personalities and thoughts. I find that each day gets better than the next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Some people are better at different stages. My own mother was a miserable parent for young children. She was a pretty good parent for tween and teen girls. My daughter is nearly 6 and I am enjoying motherhood much more now than at 2 or 3. I feel like I will do well with a tween or teen. I think many of my mom friends who love the infant, baby, toddler stages will have trouble with the older stages and feel like OP does now at a different time in their child(ren)'s lives.

Really good point. My middle child used to be the easiest. He was a joy. He's now exhausting! Maybe it's a stage thing and the OP is just not feeling this stage. I find the NB stage so draining too. I work PT and I love spending time with the kids, but I am also really, really glad when they are all in pre-school and I have mornings to run around childless. I we all feel like that at times.