Need help for cutting

[Anonymous]

My daughter, 15, began cutting herself about a year ago. I was completely shocked and terrified, but got her to a therapist right away. Although my daughter never really bought into the idea of therapy she did stop cutting and seemed to be doing much better. We discontinued the therapy after about 3 months with the blessing of the therapist because things seemed to be on the right track.

Unfortunately, I just discovered she's cutting again, although she's very defensive when I asked her about some scratches on her arm, giving me several flimsy excuses I wish were true, but know aren't. As she often does when confronted about something, she shuts down and won't talk. I'm trying to figure out what might have triggered this again in the tornado of hormones, fluctuating friends, school pressure, etc.

I'm not sure what to do next. She never really connected with the therapist we went to (although she was young and very nice) but it may be that she'd sprun any therapist. Does anyone have a recommendation of a support group or a therapist to try?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, 15, began cutting herself about a year ago. I was completely shocked and terrified, but got her to a therapist right away. Although my daughter never really bought into the idea of therapy she did stop cutting and seemed to be doing much better. We discontinued the therapy after about 3 months with the blessing of the therapist because things seemed to be on the right track.

Unfortunately, I just discovered she's cutting again, although she's very defensive when I asked her about some scratches on her arm, giving me several flimsy excuses I wish were true, but know aren't. As she often does when confronted about something, she shuts down and won't talk. I'm trying to figure out what might have triggered this again in the tornado of hormones, fluctuating friends, school pressure, etc.

I'm not sure what to do next. She never really connected with the therapist we went to (although she was young and very nice) but it may be that she'd sprun any therapist. Does anyone have a recommendation of a support group or a therapist to try?

OMG OP, I am very sorry to hear this. I do not have direct experience with this, but have you tried getting a recommendation from your pediatrician? I would start there. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. Where do you live? We've had great results with therapists from Alvord Baker which has offices in Silver Spring and Rockville. You could call them and speak to the intake person.

Our issues were anxiety and OCD, but I think cutting is probably part of that.

DD (who is nine) saw Betsy Carmichael and she was very effective.

[Anonymous]

At 12, our DD was more trying it to experiment and get a reaction out of us, so our therapist advised us to not react and just say something like, "It seems like you're really upset. Do you want to talk?"

Now at 14, we actually just severely restricted her privledges last week for an incident involving drinking, and I noticed she had her scissors out. I am not going to say anything to her about that I don't think...

It sounds like your DD is not doing this just for a reaction, so this probably isn't helpful, but you are not alone in having this issue.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the affirmation I'm not alone, PP. It seems so many parents here are just herding their perfect kids with their 4.2 averages from status high school to an Ivy and have kids who have never taken a drink or engaged in anything more self-destructive than forgetting to brush their teeth. And how do they do it? By having family dinners and being firm, yet loving, parents.

Wish that had worked for me, but for some of us, despite our best intentions, our teens just morph into alien beings with secret agendas. The last time she was cutting, I tried to hide all the scissors, but, of course, there are so many sharp things in a house that it's impossible. And then there's school, where I know several of the girls she’s friendly with also have or do cut. I try to limit her contact with them out of school.

At this point, I guess my real question is how to find effective help for a girl that refuses to talk to a therapist in more than yes or no answers and who might even find this to be a way to fit in.

[Anonymous]

Keep trying to find a therapist that your daughter will work with--it might take her time to warm up to one. There are usually several layers of issues--feelings of worthlessness, and dependence on cutting as a form of self-punishment/relief. She and her friends with similar issues may be enmeshed in each other's problems--trying to support each other, but not having healthy boundaries. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to talk to you--she may think you can't possibly understand how she feels, particularly because you love her and think she's wonderful instead of worthless. It's natural for parents to be upset and angry about this, but that tends to lead teens to withdraw. Try to remain calm and non-judgemental, but don't be too hard on yourself if your best efforts to help her talk to you don't work. It's a dark, tangled mess right now, but you'll help her get through it.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend Dr. Sandra Hershberg in Bethesda (B.A., NYU; M.D., Yale Medical School). She treats both children and adults and his been my therapist for more than ten years; she is absolutely wonderful. I don't know if she is accepting new patients, but it is worth calling.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I cut from ages 13-16. I was in therapy for 3 year and eventually my school recommended I attend an outpatient program in the psychiatric ward where I'd spend the days in group therapy, private sessions, and basically being babysat and having daily body checks. I wanted to get out of it bad enough that I took my medicine and played it safe until they said I was fine to just do sone follow ups. If your daughter is not suicidal, this method may work well for her.

[Anonymous]

Is she vain at all? A decade later, I still have scars from cutting myself. Unsightly and probably obvious to anyone who knows something about it. Seriously, I will show her if you want.

[Anonymous]

Today's (March 7) Diane Rehm show on NPR featured a story about cutting and a therapist in the area who has a lot of expertise on it. I would recommend going to the NPR website to see if you can get a transcript of today's show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the affirmation I'm not alone, PP. It seems so many parents here are just herding their perfect kids with their 4.2 averages from status high school to an Ivy and have kids who have never taken a drink or engaged in anything more self-destructive than forgetting to brush their teeth. And how do they do it? By having family dinners and being firm, yet loving, parents.

Wish that had worked for me, but for some of us, despite our best intentions, our teens just morph into alien beings with secret agendas. The last time she was cutting, I tried to hide all the scissors, but, of course, there are so many sharp things in a house that it's impossible. And then there's school, where I know several of the girls she’s friendly with also have or do cut. I try to limit her contact with them out of school.

At this point, I guess my real question is how to find effective help for a girl that refuses to talk to a therapist in more than yes or no answers and who might even find this to be a way to fit in.

Yes I saw that thread. I wonder how much these kids are telling their parents about what they really do.
As a pp said, keep trying to find a therapist your kid will click with. We went through this, too, and finally found the right therapist for dd - Megan Telfair at the Adele Lebowitz center at the Washington School of Psychiatry.
Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today's (March 7) Diane Rehm show on NPR featured a story about cutting and a therapist in the area who has a lot of expertise on it. I would recommend going to the NPR website to see if you can get a transcript of today's show.

OP again. Thanks for letting us know. The transcript is at http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-03-07/self-injury-why-young-people-do-it-and-where-go-help/transcript.

I am going to contact the therapist on the show and try to move ahead. It's just so hard because my daughter seems so resistant to help. I feel like I'm going to have to drag her kicking and screaming to another therapist. I'm trying to find one that I truly think might help. Thanks for all the other recommendations, too. It's so hard because many don't take our CareFirst insurance and it's a real hardship to pay out of pocket, but that may be what I end up doing. I had a "scholarship" with our old therapist, so I was only paying $50 a session, which was manageable.

[Anonymous]

I also heard the Diane Rehm show yesterday and was surprised to hear several callers talk about how they started cutting AFTER starting anti-depressants. The behavior stopped when they stopped the meds. Something to be aware of. Good luck OP and sorry you and you're family are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also heard the Diane Rehm show yesterday and was surprised to hear several callers talk about how they started cutting AFTER starting anti-depressants. The behavior stopped when they stopped the meds. Something to be aware of. Good luck OP and sorry you and you're family are going through this.

This was my brother. He is bipolar and after starting lexapro, he started cutting because he said he just didn't feel anything anymore. Never happy, but never really sad. He just was kind of there. After cutting he quit his meds and picked up crack. 8 years and 3 rehab attempts later he is somewhat of a normal functioning adult

[Anonymous]

OP -- another former cutter here. I just want to say hang in there! You are doing the right thing for DD by getting her help. I wish my parents would have known and gotten me help.