7 yr old shop lifting

[Anonymous]

Just heard that on the way to the beach, my almost 7 year old daughter shoplifted from a little country store. DH was w/kids and told her on the way back she will be returning the item and explaining that she stole it.

I don't know what the deal is - but I do not think it is a 1 time thing of testing boundaries, looking for attention or rebelling.

My SIL recently told me she thinks my girl has an impulse control issue b/c she seems to get fixated on certain things at her house - mostly sugary snacks & desserts! She said my girl has taken things from her house...little things that she likes. She has gotten caught apparently, but no one ever told ME this (disappointing that they felt no need to).

She knows right & wrong, she is a good girl, very smart, a bit socially akward the older she gets as far as eye contact, using manners when she knows better (interrupting, appropriate greetings & goodbyes...) I dont want to make this too big, but I wonder if she has some sort of issue that is more like the OCD her aunt has, bipolar her other aunt has, or the asperger's her uncle has.....rather than just being a kid that is acting out. (crappy DH genes!! I have been worried about this since BEFORE having kids
She's has a twin brother, they are great pals & home is ok not perfect. DH & get along but are working on if we want to stay together... but we try to keep things away from the kids and there is no uglyness or tension - we are friends....and as I said, this seems to be a trait that has happened in various ways before my marriage got ruffled.

1) suggestions on how to handle her
2) suggestions about why such a young kid would do this....no peer pressure, not a teen, not like we don't have more than enough toys etc...and she stole rocks, shiney rocks b/c she loves collecting shiney things & wants to go mining!!!!

[Anonymous]

I remember taking a candy bar that was lying on the floor in a grocery store when I was about her age. I thought that it was not worth anything and that therefore I could take it. My mother was horrified and almost made me return it and apologize. I was so thankful that she took it back and explained the circumstances. I think that if you have a talk with her she may realize that this is inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I know that stealing like this is normal for kids--but you say from the start you don't think this is normal testing from your daughter. Since you have concerns, I'd be thinking about ruling them out for your own peace of mind (or getting a diagnosis if there is something else going on).

[Anonymous]

I was about that age and I took a small toy from my friend at school. My mom found it and I still remember the horror of it all - she was sooo mad! I don't remember exactly the punishment but I remember that she told me to take it back and apologize in front of everyone. I didn't, I was so embarrassed, I hid it somewhere at our house. Later my mom found it, but she just took it back herself. She knew that I learned my lesson: that was the first and the last time I've ever taken anything that didn't belong to me.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your thoughts and for helping me feel this isn't so abnormal. FYI - took her out for a long walk today & asked her "what" she did, rather than WHY. We talked quite a long time but my first reply was that I love her and appreciated her telling me all she had.

Then I went through the jail bit, the consequences to actions bit and peppered a little JD for kids - that just b/c you are a kid doesn't mean you don't get punished by society

Then we went to the store, I asked for the manager and my girl faced the music. The woman was the sweetest lady, and actually gave her a hug afterwards for telling the truth & knowing what a hard lesson it is to learn.

I feel pretty good about how it went down. I will check in later to see how she is processing all of this.

The only anger I showed was when her brother was crying 20 mins b/f she fessed up and she didn't care that he was so scared she might have to talk w/the police. He was a wreck. I used the moment to explain how everything we decide to do DOES affect family too and she owed her twin an apology as well b/c he was so worried.

Thanks for the advice & I will be checking in to the other stuff I worry about as well to see how related it may be .

[Anonymous]

You sound like an awesome Mom.

[Anonymous]

thanks for that last reply, how kind of you! I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Has your DD ever been held accountable for her actions - a stern punishment carried out, etc. Did your DD ever reveal her justification for stealing? Was it the thrill of the hunt, a sense of warped accomplishment, or a true sense of needing that particular item (I assume she didn't steal bread because she hadn't eaten in days)?

A face-to-face sincere apology to a person in authority is a great way to get your point (parents' view) across that stealing, no matter how minor, is wrong and can have consequences. Confessing to a policeman, even, can be humbling and humiliating, and will instill a valuable lesson learned.

Sounds like you are on the right track - hang in there.
As you mentioned, keep your eyes open for signs of kleptomania.

[Anonymous]

My son shoplifted a couple of times at that age. He got disciplined and lectured. We wanted to make him apologize to the store keeper. I think we finally managed to make him do that and it was so embarrassing for him that he didn't do it again. I wouldn't make too much of your daughter's behavior but would try to nip it in the bud.

[Anonymous]

I also think this is kind of a normal thing with kids about that age. Recently, my 6 year old came home from camp with a little toy. He told me about it right away because he didn't think there was anything wrong with borrowing it without having asked first. I explained that since he had not asked permission that it was wrong and I would not allow him to play with it that evening. In the morning, I had him return it and I required that he discuss what he did with the teacher. She was quite understanding and reinforced what we had said - if you want to borrow something, you must ask first. Honestly, even though he could verbalize that stealing was wrong, I do not believe he had internalized this concept yet. We had similar things with my older son as well where he came home with things that didn't belong to him a couple of times. It's just part of the learning process.

The only thing I would say is that, like OP, I would not be happy if people knew such things about my kids and didn't tell me. As a parent it's really important that we know such things so that we can help our children learn boundaries.