do you let friends stay at your second home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people on DCUM just assume that others have bad intentions, including their close friends. That's weird to me. It's clear that OP doesn't want to let her friends stay there because she perceives that they're asking for a monetary gift (which I don't see, but whatever), and will dig her heels in farther and farther any time there is pushback. So you do you, OP. I think it will be awkward this way, but you seem prepared to deal with that.

I think the friends made it awkward.

+1 Same. You can tell who does not own a second home, by their responses. For instance, cleaning fees alone, during season are about $500. (no, I won't divulge where). This may be difficult for non-owners to grasp, especially since some people are of the "Robin Hood" mindset. It beats paying full rental price, but takers don't see it that way.

We get it. We have second homes. We just don't mind paying a few hundred dollars for our friends to use our house. You do you.

You don't get it, because it is well over a thousand dollars not a few hundred dollars (by the time you pay the professional cleaning company plus professional caretaker for their visits, etc.). It is not some podunk town, it is on the beach. So no, you don't get it.

There is no way it is over a thousand dollars. Only people that don’t have beach houses would believe you. We have a house on Martha’s Vineyard. We pay our caretaker monthly and the water and electricity is on. So that makes a cleaning fee, which is less than what I pay here. And we have enough money that the cleaning fee isn’t a big deal for us to pay for the few people that use our house. But we also don’t rent our house out because we don’t need the money and don’t want strangers in our house. So I’m guessing you need to rent your Dewy Beach/Rehoboth house just to afford it. You don’t want to say where it is, because everyone will know you are just making things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people on DCUM just assume that others have bad intentions, including their close friends. That's weird to me. It's clear that OP doesn't want to let her friends stay there because she perceives that they're asking for a monetary gift (which I don't see, but whatever), and will dig her heels in farther and farther any time there is pushback. So you do you, OP. I think it will be awkward this way, but you seem prepared to deal with that.

I think the friends made it awkward.

+1 Same. You can tell who does not own a second home, by their responses. For instance, cleaning fees alone, during season are about $500. (no, I won't divulge where). This may be difficult for non-owners to grasp, especially since some people are of the "Robin Hood" mindset. It beats paying full rental price, but takers don't see it that way.

We get it. We have second homes. We just don't mind paying a few hundred dollars for our friends to use our house. You do you.

You don't get it, because it is well over a thousand dollars not a few hundred dollars (by the time you pay the professional cleaning company plus professional caretaker for their visits, etc.). It is not some podunk town, it is on the beach. So no, you don't get it.

There is no way it is over a thousand dollars. Only people that don’t have beach houses would believe you. We have a house on Martha’s Vineyard. We pay our caretaker monthly and the water and electricity is on. So that makes a cleaning fee, which is less than what I pay here. And we have enough money that the cleaning fee isn’t a big deal for us to pay for the few people that use our house. But we also don’t rent our house out because we don’t need the money and don’t want strangers in our house. So I’m guessing you need to rent your Dewy Beach/Rehoboth house just to afford it. You don’t want to say where it is, because everyone will know you are just making things up.

I'm not telling you where our beach house is, because you are obviously unstable enough to concoct an argument with an internet stranger. Stay mad.

[Anonymous]

There is no way it is over a thousand dollars. Only people that don’t have beach houses would believe you. We have a house on Martha’s Vineyard. We pay our caretaker monthly and the water and electricity is on. So that makes a cleaning fee, which is less than what I pay here. And we have enough money that the cleaning fee isn’t a big deal for us to pay for the few people that use our house. But we also don’t rent our house out because we don’t need the money and don’t want strangers in our house. So I’m guessing you need to rent your Dewy Beach/Rehoboth house just to afford it. You don’t want to say where it is, because everyone will know you are just making things up.

NP, but now I don’t believe you. I have a close friend with a 2500 sq foot house on MV. We have a 5000 sq foot home in DE. They rent their house out for a couple weeks in the summer and have it professionally cleaned afterward. They pay $1000-1200 each time. We pay much less than that in DE, but still significantly more than we pay to clean our similarly sized home in Bethesda. Everyone I know in resort towns complains about the high cost of cleaning, especially vs their primary home, yet you are claiming you pay less for your second home? Who is cleaning sheets and changing bedding, emptying the refrigerator, turning off the pool heater, etc? No eat the cleaning company is doing all that for no money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is no way it is over a thousand dollars. Only people that don’t have beach houses would believe you. We have a house on Martha’s Vineyard. We pay our caretaker monthly and the water and electricity is on. So that makes a cleaning fee, which is less than what I pay here. And we have enough money that the cleaning fee isn’t a big deal for us to pay for the few people that use our house. But we also don’t rent our house out because we don’t need the money and don’t want strangers in our house. So I’m guessing you need to rent your Dewy Beach/Rehoboth house just to afford it. You don’t want to say where it is, because everyone will know you are just making things up.

NP, but now I don’t believe you. I have a close friend with a 2500 sq foot house on MV. We have a 5000 sq foot home in DE. They rent their house out for a couple weeks in the summer and have it professionally cleaned afterward. They pay $1000-1200 each time. We pay much less than that in DE, but still significantly more than we pay to clean our similarly sized home in Bethesda. Everyone I know in resort towns complains about the high cost of cleaning, especially vs their primary home, yet you are claiming you pay less for your second home? Who is cleaning sheets and changing bedding, emptying the refrigerator, turning off the pool heater, etc? No eat the cleaning company is doing all that for no money.

+1. Exactly.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is totally unreasonable for them to ask. If I regularly give a person a ride in my car then I have plans to go out of town for a couple of weeks , it isn’t reasonable the person asks to borrow my car. They can go get a rental car.

Your house is an asset and you can rent it for probably $1000 for a spring weekend. Friends wouldn’t ask for a $1000 so why do they think it is ok to use something worth $1000.

It is a slippery slope. Once you say yes these friends will continue to pester you. Just say it is being rented off the books 📚 n case they can see the online schedule of when it is rented through a booking agency.

this is really good advice, thank you.
I think some ppl just assume being someone has a second home, they can afford that 1000 hit. These ppl know us well enough to know we cannot. Although we enjoy it, often with them, it is a business, and someone must pay the utilities, cable, internet, etc.
I suppose that's why it feels funny to us.
It could also be booked at the last minute, and has before.

Actually, it's not good advice to lie to your friends...

DP here. If you were the one that owned the second home, you would feel differently. I completely agree that people see those who own a second home as "rich" or able to take the monatery hit - to "treat" others (at others discretion, of course!). Who doesn't like trying to spend other people's money? I distance myself from those types, because they are exactly as clueless as you would expect.

I do own a second home. At the beach. I let people stay there for free but I also have no problem saying no if it doesn't work for whatever reason. But I don't lie to my friends. And they don't take advantage of us. A lot of them have second homes elsewhere that we have stayed at. We just don't go tit for tat about it all.

+1. Not sure whether it's OP or someone else swearing people do not really do this, but clearly there are multiple people who do.

If you don't want someone staying at your place without you, by all means, don't allow it. Others choose differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We use our friend’s vacation home periodically. We always pay the cleaning fee, but the husband let it slip that I leave their place cleaner than the actual cleaning service…so they don’t schedule a cleaning after we stay.

I always buy a huge pack of paper towels and TP that I leave behind. Plus fancy hand soap and shampoo/conditioner/body wash. My friend says they look forward to seeing what I leave behind.

Having said all that, we are the only friends they let use their place. They stopped renting it out many years ago, but they still let us use it because we are excellent guests.

This is the way to go. You're gracious guests and any host would love to have you.

We have a place in Rehoboth. Over the years we've seen all kinds of behaviors from family and friends. The good ones are really lovely and it gives us pleasure to be able to offer them the house from time to time.

There are also plenty of families that we'd never invite back. They leave damages, are late paying the cleaning fee after staying for free in peak season, act entitled, etc. Most of these are close friends or relatives that we expected better behaviors from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

DP who finds it entertaining that you're chastising someone for worrying about how others live while simultaneously doubting they own what they say they do.

FWIW, I also find the whining about water, electricity, gas and paper products funny. Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?

PP was not the one pouting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1. :mic drop:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1

That's the difference. When I invite people to my primary home or my second home, they are my guests. I make them comfortable, provide the food, and would certainly never ask them to pitch in. If someone asked to come to my primary home or my second home when I am not there, they no longer feel like friends or guests. They feel like someone who wants to use my stuff, but also doesn't want to be a paying customer. No matter how much money or property I have, I don't see why I would randomly share it with people who are treating me as a useful person to know after I've treated them as a friend. Real friends come for the company, not for the house. And I don't need fake friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1

That's the difference. When I invite people to my primary home or my second home, they are my guests. I make them comfortable, provide the food, and would certainly never ask them to pitch in. If someone asked to come to my primary home or my second home when I am not there, they no longer feel like friends or guests. They feel like someone who wants to use my stuff, but also doesn't want to be a paying customer. No matter how much money or property I have, I don't see why I would randomly share it with people who are treating me as a useful person to know after I've treated them as a friend. Real friends come for the company, not for the house. And I don't need fake friends.

Agree. Be a polite guest, and don't invite anyone that is rude. I have made some great friends, by friends inviting friends (when I am actually there at the house with them, of course) - they are fun and good company, and we have a lot in common, they don't visit to judge (during or after).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1

That's the difference. When I invite people to my primary home or my second home, they are my guests. I make them comfortable, provide the food, and would certainly never ask them to pitch in. If someone asked to come to my primary home or my second home when I am not there, they no longer feel like friends or guests. They feel like someone who wants to use my stuff, but also doesn't want to be a paying customer. No matter how much money or property I have, I don't see why I would randomly share it with people who are treating me as a useful person to know after I've treated them as a friend. Real friends come for the company, not for the house. And I don't need fake friends.

We have friends who stay with us, and also use our places when we're not there. We also stay with them, and also use their places when they're elsewhere. We have keys to each other's houses.

I'm sorry you feel used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And beyond the cleaning fee. There are other fees: electricity, water, gas. Paper products and other consumables need to be refreshed. Heating a pool is very expensive so what if your friends decide to turn that feature on? There is a house manager that needs to check on the home to make sure everything is stocked up and put away for the next set of renters, and locked up. It’s stressful!

People who don’t have a second home, do not know!

I do have a second home and we do let friends stay there. We don't rent it out. If I am crying over electricity, water and gas, I would not have bought a second home. Sometimes, we don't use our house for months. I knew that going in. I am not going to stress over a property. If you can't really afford a second home, don't buy one.

I'm confused. If you actually do own a second home (which I doubt) why are you so worried about what other people who own second homes are doing? Did you antagonize them in a way that they will no longer invite you, or something?

I don't expect anyone with a second home to invite me or not invite me. You seem to be pouting, and trying to dictate what you want them to do. How is that working for you? I don't know anyone with a second home who pouts over what their buddies with second homes do or don't do. Peculiar behavior for an adult, really.

Do you present people who come to dinner at your (first or second) home with a bill at the end of the meal, too?
.

If they ask to come over without being invited and bring nothing to the table I might.

+1

That's the difference. When I invite people to my primary home or my second home, they are my guests. I make them comfortable, provide the food, and would certainly never ask them to pitch in. If someone asked to come to my primary home or my second home when I am not there, they no longer feel like friends or guests. They feel like someone who wants to use my stuff, but also doesn't want to be a paying customer. No matter how much money or property I have, I don't see why I would randomly share it with people who are treating me as a useful person to know after I've treated them as a friend. Real friends come for the company, not for the house. And I don't need fake friends.

We have friends who stay with us, and also use our places when we're not there. We also stay with them, and also use their places when they're elsewhere. We have keys to each other's houses.

I'm sorry you feel used.

DP here. I think PP is making the point that you might be one of those, not that she is surrounded by that type - which is understandable, because they exist. You do seem defensive, however.

There are certain people that you want in your house when you are away, and other kinds of people that you would not want in your house while you are away. As long as you are not the latter, don't worry about it so much.