Husband Spends Too Much Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband aggravates me so much with how kids he spends. He makes a very good living and should be able to spend, but I’m annoyed by the amount. I’m very frugal and don’t like a lot of money on things that we really don’t need. Our biggest expense is food, as we eat almost everything organic, pasture raised, and grass fed We also eat take out a decent amount. I keep to a budget on other things for the household and myself. My husband spends money like it’s not a big deal. For instance, he spends ridiculous amount at the store for food because he never checks the prices. I try to do the grocery shopping myself because if this. He’s constantly buying expensive things for his hobbies or taking friends out to dinner and paying for all of it. I know he thinks it’s no big deal since we have a good income and plenty of savings, but having kids in the next couple of years will likely make a good dent in that when you factor in kid expenses and childcare. I know it’s a petty thing to complain about it, but it’s really irritating. Can anyone else relate?

Eating organic, pasture raised and grass fed seems inconsistent with eating a lot of takeout (where you know less about how the food is sourced.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Show him a chart showing much wealthier he’d be if he saved & invested that money instead of spending it. That’s what kicked me into gear.

What’s the point of wealth if you are austere to achieve it? And when do you spend wealth?

[Anonymous]

OP - you sound a bit unilateral here. All relationships are based on compromise. Don’t spend 20 years arguing to death over groceries.

It’s a lonely world where you get your way 100% of the time.

So a compromise might be something like asking him to notice sale items but not forcing him to coupon clip into extreme grocery. And not giving him grief over buying full priced items he likes. Life is way too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to compare? My wife spends like she just divorced Jeff Bezos.

She has over $3000 PER MONTH of extra spending cash...and she doesn't have ANY OF IT. I pay for the mortgage, bills, etc. She has her own account that she moves $1000 over and in our joint account there is always $2000 extra for whatever.

Oddly, she always needs money to pay off credit cards. Welcome to the pain of a spoiled spouse. Worse mistake I ever made. And we have one kid so I can't leave (don't even trust joint custody).

Dude, you should have married me. I hate to shop and I love making my own money. Your wife sounds like she thinks she on Real Housewives!

I’m suspicious of this. Is she paying for kid camps/classes/tutoring? Pool membership, gyms, insurance co-pays, clothes for the three of you, art supplies,, household items, Groceries, alcohol? There are a lot of things to pay for after mortgage and recurring bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can't offer any advice without actual numbers. If you can afford it, there's no problem.

OP here. We can afford it but he spends so much unnecessary money that we could save it and use it for other thing.

Here are some examples

- He never looks at prices at the grocery store. He will easily spends double what I would spend.

- He constantly is buying new cups, plates, and bar stuff when we rarely drink. He busy super expensive alcohol he never drinks because he collects it.

- He has spent about $75k in the past 6 months for his “ man cave” and workout room.

- He bought a very expensive coffee machine and a ton of expensive coffee.

- He will go out to dinner and drop $500 on dinner.

He says we have more than enough so he doesn’t need a budget. We have good incomes, savings, an emergency fund so he doesn’t feel he needs to save that money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband aggravates me so much with how kids he spends. He makes a very good living and should be able to spend, but I’m annoyed by the amount. I’m very frugal and don’t like a lot of money on things that we really don’t need. Our biggest expense is food, as we eat almost everything organic, pasture raised, and grass fed We also eat take out a decent amount. I keep to a budget on other things for the household and myself. My husband spends money like it’s not a big deal. For instance, he spends ridiculous amount at the store for food because he never checks the prices. I try to do the grocery shopping myself because if this. He’s constantly buying expensive things for his hobbies or taking friends out to dinner and paying for all of it. I know he thinks it’s no big deal since we have a good income and plenty of savings, but having kids in the next couple of years will likely make a good dent in that when you factor in kid expenses and childcare. I know it’s a petty thing to complain about it, but it’s really irritating. Can anyone else relate?

Eating organic, pasture raised and grass fed seems inconsistent with eating a lot of takeout (where you know less about how the food is sourced.)

OP here. We eat take out once a week. While it’s not all organic or pasture raised, most of our diet so we’re fine with it. We eat a lot out of takeout ( 4-5 times a month) but we try to eat everything else at home.

[Anonymous]

It’s all about the numbers. Track what you have spent this year from the electric bill to entertainment. Do you have goals for children’s education or paying off the mortgage? Finally, make a budget and track it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't offer any advice without actual numbers. If you can afford it, there's no problem.

OP here. We can afford it but he spends so much unnecessary money that we could save it and use it for other thing.

Here are some examples

- He never looks at prices at the grocery store. He will easily spends double what I would spend.

- He constantly is buying new cups, plates, and bar stuff when we rarely drink. He busy super expensive alcohol he never drinks because he collects it.

- He has spent about $75k in the past 6 months for his “ man cave” and workout room.

- He bought a very expensive coffee machine and a ton of expensive coffee.

- He will go out to dinner and drop $500 on dinner.

He says we have more than enough so he doesn’t need a budget. We have good incomes, savings, an emergency fund so he doesn’t feel he needs to save that money.

You two just need a budget. No matter how much you make you need a budget, in my opinion. We bring in almost 400k and still have a budget. Me and hubby are both spendy but he is more then me. Sit down and discuss what you want to save for. For example, we max out 401ks, contribute to 529s, and make sure our rainy day fund is up to date. Then I use ynab to track our monthly spending. Sit down and make sure there is enough for money each month for mortgage, utilities, vacations (the important stuff). Then if you have a ton extra left over, I see no problem with spending a ton on eating out and groceries. You need to do your budget and then compromise on spending the money that’s left over.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want to budget, tell him to give you $XXXX a month and then you save/invest it for you both as a couple.

If he has no qualms about dropping cash on all the things you mentioned above and has "no budget," then he should have no problem giving you a reasonable amount to save/invest.

As long as he isn't racking up credit card debt or other debt, he should be able to enjoy his money after taking care of the necessities and paying you something to save/invest for you both.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand you. I posted recently about how my DH makes it impossible to stay under a 2k per month food budget for 2 people plus an 8 month old… drives me bananas…

[Anonymous]

Just so you know your takeout isn’t organic and pasture raised , hand fed, massaged, Beethoven listening food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Show him a chart showing much wealthier he’d be if he saved & invested that money instead of spending it. That’s what kicked me into gear.

What’s the point of wealth if you are austere to achieve it? And when do you spend wealth?

We always lived well below our means but we did live comfortably. We were frugal and mindful but certainly not cheap. It wasn’t until our kids were out of college debt free and we had a very large retirement nest egg that we really began to spend it. I have no regrets about not living large early on as others did because I never lost sleep over our financial future. Never once have my husband and I argued over money!

[Anonymous]

Early in our relationship my DH drove me batty with this. He would always just say “it’s fine I will just make more money.” I don’t bother him about it anymore because he was right. He did end up just making more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband aggravates me so much with how kids he spends. He makes a very good living and should be able to spend, but I’m annoyed by the amount. I’m very frugal and don’t like a lot of money on things that we really don’t need. Our biggest expense is food, as we eat almost everything organic, pasture raised, and grass fed We also eat take out a decent amount. I keep to a budget on other things for the household and myself. My husband spends money like it’s not a big deal. For instance, he spends ridiculous amount at the store for food because he never checks the prices. I try to do the grocery shopping myself because if this. He’s constantly buying expensive things for his hobbies or taking friends out to dinner and paying for all of it. I know he thinks it’s no big deal since we have a good income and plenty of savings, but having kids in the next couple of years will likely make a good dent in that when you factor in kid expenses and childcare. I know it’s a petty thing to complain about it, but it’s really irritating. Can anyone else relate?

Eating organic, pasture raised and grass fed seems inconsistent with eating a lot of takeout (where you know less about how the food is sourced.)

OP here. We eat take out once a week. While it’s not all organic or pasture raised, most of our diet so we’re fine with it. We eat a lot out of takeout ( 4-5 times a month) but we try to eat everything else at home.

4-5 times a month is not that much really, esp. for DINKs in a city.

I think that a lot of frugal people are into control and/or are high anxiety people. The problem is that there is always more you can save, but it is also reasonable not to want to spend all your time obsessing over saving money, denying yourself certain things, etc. And while frugality often is portrayed as a virtue, it is obnoxious when used as a means of controlling others or alleviating one's own unreasonable anxiety. I'm not saying that's what is going on here, but you should look inward, too.

[Anonymous]

this is my DH, minus making a lot of money. also, he makes it impossible for me to keep track of our finances, which I have to do. I'm like a detective, hunting clues here and there. trying to figure out what's going on. None of it is intentional, he's just got huge avoidance issues around money, does't want to think, talk or keep track of it. Ironically his work speciaity is finance (macro economics) but I handle everything.