Budget Frustration

[Anonymous]

Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get the impression that the spouse who is downsizing job is the one who wants the clean house, kid's activities, the shopping and all the travel. They can't have it both ways.

Make more money, move or significantly cut expenses as itemized above.

Can you, at 6K/month, bump up in pay? It seems as if they have been carrying the weight of the expenses with their higher income. Perhaps you can do something to offset their cut??

Oh, I’ve been trying for 6 years to boost my pay. Applies to dozens of jobs, got half a dozen offers, none paid anymore than I make now but required more hours and would not give me any guidance on a path to higher paying roles (just focus on the job at hand). So me boosting my pay is not happening, I seem to have capped my field unless I restart into a different field or start my own company which have their own set of issues and risks and no clear path to higher pay in near term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

we don’t care where we live, but disruption to kids and losing all their friends and neighborhood will be hard.

We have about $50k saved per kid for college so far. State school is plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

we don’t care where we live, but disruption to kids and losing all their friends and neighborhood will be hard.

We have about $50k saved per kid for college so far. State school is plan.

I posted the longer post about how to cut expenses and be able to do this - I no longer think this is viable, as you need a line item for college savings as soon as daycare is done, and it'll have to be big. State school for three kids, you're probably still talking $40k per year per kid, so that's almost $500k, and you've got $150k. If your household income is going to drop to $250k, you'll need to move unless there is a very reliable path for your husband to increase his income rather quickly over the next 2-5 years (since you've noted that you are pretty capped).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

we don’t care where we live, but disruption to kids and losing all their friends and neighborhood will be hard.

We have about $50k saved per kid for college so far. State school is plan.

I posted the longer post about how to cut expenses and be able to do this - I no longer think this is viable, as you need a line item for college savings as soon as daycare is done, and it'll have to be big. State school for three kids, you're probably still talking $40k per year per kid, so that's almost $500k, and you've got $150k. If your household income is going to drop to $250k, you'll need to move unless there is a very reliable path for your husband to increase his income rather quickly over the next 2-5 years (since you've noted that you are pretty capped).

What about just moving and selling house when college approaches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

we don’t care where we live, but disruption to kids and losing all their friends and neighborhood will be hard.

We have about $50k saved per kid for college so far. State school is plan.

I posted the longer post about how to cut expenses and be able to do this - I no longer think this is viable, as you need a line item for college savings as soon as daycare is done, and it'll have to be big. State school for three kids, you're probably still talking $40k per year per kid, so that's almost $500k, and you've got $150k. If your household income is going to drop to $250k, you'll need to move unless there is a very reliable path for your husband to increase his income rather quickly over the next 2-5 years (since you've noted that you are pretty capped).

Do most families have $160k saved per kid?

[Anonymous]

Start by cutting out the vacation/family trip/beach week expenses. At least until daycare payments are over.

Also cut back on shopping. Try FB Marketplace or No Buy groups to share and exchange children’s clothing.

I wouldn’t move unless there was a perfect house or neighborhood to move to just yet. There are a lot of costs for moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

we don’t care where we live, but disruption to kids and losing all their friends and neighborhood will be hard.

We have about $50k saved per kid for college so far. State school is plan.

I posted the longer post about how to cut expenses and be able to do this - I no longer think this is viable, as you need a line item for college savings as soon as daycare is done, and it'll have to be big. State school for three kids, you're probably still talking $40k per year per kid, so that's almost $500k, and you've got $150k. If your household income is going to drop to $250k, you'll need to move unless there is a very reliable path for your husband to increase his income rather quickly over the next 2-5 years (since you've noted that you are pretty capped).

Do most families have $160k saved per kid?

I'm the PP. Most families do not make $250k, and thus can rely more on aid. And yes, most families who make more than $75-100k are actively saving for college. The budget that the OP listed has zero dollars in college savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your HHI drops to 250k, then your 14k /month expenses will be about 67% of your gross. That is not sustainable. Once daycare goes away, things might be ok, but it will still be tight.

The mortgage will be 25% of gross. That is a perfectly reasonable number. If you paid off 100k, it would be even more reasonable.

The 16k a year for travel works out to about 6.5% of gross. That is on the high side. Coupled with the 8 weeks of camp, you could cut someplace there.

You can do everything and not save a lot. You you want to be able to save, you need to move, cut your travel down and watch your smaller expenses, OR have DH keep his job.

I personally would use up the 100k buffer and not save for a year or two while trying to cut expenses and see what happens.

This is what is puzzling me, the rule of thumb was 1/3 of gross income, and we are well below that, but once we add everything up its crushing.

I wish we could boot spouse's parents off mobile plan, that would save $100/month right there We should look at Cricket I think or something...

Travel is like our one splurge, I will try to talk spouse into more camping... and when kids are older I think a beach vacation where we have a longer walk to beach would be more feasible.

Spouse won't keep job, that is clear. Either change jobs or eventually will be pushed out.

How could we use the $100k to reduce our mortgage payment, is that refactoring?

Are . . . are you kidding?

Seriously, look at your budget again. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really love your house and neighborhood? You paid a premium to live close in but that’s often less personally valuable these days with more people working remotely. House prices are high and you could probably sell easily. I guess I’d be inclined to really think about where you want to live, bearing in mind that real estate transaction costs are high.

(We pay over $500/week for camp for our older kids and programs....)

we don’t care where we live, but disruption to kids and losing all their friends and neighborhood will be hard.

We have about $50k saved per kid for college so far. State school is plan.

I posted the longer post about how to cut expenses and be able to do this - I no longer think this is viable, as you need a line item for college savings as soon as daycare is done, and it'll have to be big. State school for three kids, you're probably still talking $40k per year per kid, so that's almost $500k, and you've got $150k. If your household income is going to drop to $250k, you'll need to move unless there is a very reliable path for your husband to increase his income rather quickly over the next 2-5 years (since you've noted that you are pretty capped).

What about just moving and selling house when college approaches?

I'm the PP again. That is a viable option, but the reason that the OP states for not wanting to move is because of the disruption to the kids and their friends/school. Presumably since at least one is still in daycare, the kids are little. Moving when the oldest is in 11th or 12th grade (or the summer after) would be much more disruptive, so that doesn't seem to make sense to me based on the OPs priorities.

[Anonymous]

I would not cut the housecleaner -- divorce is expensive

Cut the travel.

Cut the shopping. I guarantee you don't need half the crap you are buying. Plus, it will help the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your HHI drops to 250k, then your 14k /month expenses will be about 67% of your gross. That is not sustainable. Once daycare goes away, things might be ok, but it will still be tight.

The mortgage will be 25% of gross. That is a perfectly reasonable number. If you paid off 100k, it would be even more reasonable.

The 16k a year for travel works out to about 6.5% of gross. That is on the high side. Coupled with the 8 weeks of camp, you could cut someplace there.

You can do everything and not save a lot. You you want to be able to save, you need to move, cut your travel down and watch your smaller expenses, OR have DH keep his job.

I personally would use up the 100k buffer and not save for a year or two while trying to cut expenses and see what happens.

This is what is puzzling me, the rule of thumb was 1/3 of gross income, and we are well below that, but once we add everything up its crushing.

I wish we could boot spouse's parents off mobile plan, that would save $100/month right there We should look at Cricket I think or something...

Travel is like our one splurge, I will try to talk spouse into more camping... and when kids are older I think a beach vacation where we have a longer walk to beach would be more feasible.

Spouse won't keep job, that is clear. Either change jobs or eventually will be pushed out.

How could we use the $100k to reduce our mortgage payment, is that refactoring?

Are . . . are you kidding?

Seriously, look at your budget again. Come on.

+1 and also it's a MASSIVE splurge, in addition to all the other spending. This is a classic UMC story of "we don't have any money left after we spent it all."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your HHI drops to 250k, then your 14k /month expenses will be about 67% of your gross. That is not sustainable. Once daycare goes away, things might be ok, but it will still be tight.

The mortgage will be 25% of gross. That is a perfectly reasonable number. If you paid off 100k, it would be even more reasonable.

The 16k a year for travel works out to about 6.5% of gross. That is on the high side. Coupled with the 8 weeks of camp, you could cut someplace there.

You can do everything and not save a lot. You you want to be able to save, you need to move, cut your travel down and watch your smaller expenses, OR have DH keep his job.

I personally would use up the 100k buffer and not save for a year or two while trying to cut expenses and see what happens.

This is what is puzzling me, the rule of thumb was 1/3 of gross income, and we are well below that, but once we add everything up its crushing.

I wish we could boot spouse's parents off mobile plan, that would save $100/month right there We should look at Cricket I think or something...

Travel is like our one splurge, I will try to talk spouse into more camping... and when kids are older I think a beach vacation where we have a longer walk to beach would be more feasible.

Spouse won't keep job, that is clear. Either change jobs or eventually will be pushed out.

How could we use the $100k to reduce our mortgage payment, is that refactoring?

Are . . . are you kidding?

Seriously, look at your budget again. Come on.

+1000 OP your $1.2M house is a huge splurge. Your grocery budget, which shows you do not check prices at all, is a splurge. Your every other week cleaners are a splurge. A third child in a HCOL area is a splurge. You also splurge on travel.

All of this was fine at $400k, but if you want your kids' school to remain the same going forward, then the house is your only splurge. Everything else has to be cut back. If you move to the suburbs you can have the travel and the easy spending and the cleaners, because you won't be going broke on your house.

You've said why you can't make more money, but why is DH's only option a 60% paycut? Can't he job hunt for something closer to what he makes now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not cut the housecleaner -- divorce is expensive

Cut the travel.

Cut the shopping. I guarantee you don't need half the crap you are buying. Plus, it will help the environment.

A lot of the shopping is actually yard equipment as we cut our landscaper and had NOTHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your HHI drops to 250k, then your 14k /month expenses will be about 67% of your gross. That is not sustainable. Once daycare goes away, things might be ok, but it will still be tight.

The mortgage will be 25% of gross. That is a perfectly reasonable number. If you paid off 100k, it would be even more reasonable.

The 16k a year for travel works out to about 6.5% of gross. That is on the high side. Coupled with the 8 weeks of camp, you could cut someplace there.

You can do everything and not save a lot. You you want to be able to save, you need to move, cut your travel down and watch your smaller expenses, OR have DH keep his job.

I personally would use up the 100k buffer and not save for a year or two while trying to cut expenses and see what happens.

This is what is puzzling me, the rule of thumb was 1/3 of gross income, and we are well below that, but once we add everything up its crushing.

I wish we could boot spouse's parents off mobile plan, that would save $100/month right there We should look at Cricket I think or something...

Travel is like our one splurge, I will try to talk spouse into more camping... and when kids are older I think a beach vacation where we have a longer walk to beach would be more feasible.

Spouse won't keep job, that is clear. Either change jobs or eventually will be pushed out.

How could we use the $100k to reduce our mortgage payment, is that refactoring?

Travel is your one splurge? Cleaners are a splurge, camps are a splurge, that much shopping is a splurge, organic food is a splurge. All trips should be cut if you want to keep the house.