Safety device for teen/college student?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to her about not walking alone at night (at least until she has lived on campus for a few months and knows the area) and about alcohol safety (ie, don't leave friends behind, keep your drink in your possession, limit drinking). You want her to stay out of iffy situations, not deploy mace.

New poster.

This, above, times 1000, OP!

The BEST thing you can do before she leaves (or more likely, you'll have to schedule it for her winter break, because time is short now) - is to give her the gift of a good self-defense workshop that has a strong emphasis on situational awareness and techniques for getting out of a situation and getting AWAY. Not a "martial arts" quickie seminar, but a women's self-defense workshop. There are some single-day workshops in the area but you need to look around.

My DD's Girl Scout troop did a self-defense workshop as seniors. It was something the other leader and I really wanted for them. There absolutely were physical techniques taught and practiced, and discussion of using whatever was at hand as a weapon, but that is all last resort. As the PP above notes: learning how to "stay out of iffy situations" in the first place is key. That's situational awareness, and I think most teens just don't have much situational awareness and many girls are still socialized to be polite, "think the best of others," "don't make assumptions that someone who's walking near you is following you" etc.

PP is also right about having a realistic talk about how alcohol makes girls and women FAR more vulnerable, and how they should not walk alone.

Most of all: The instuctor for my DD's self-defense workshop emphasized that pepper sprays, knives, etc. were all things that could very easily be used against the person trying to use them on an attacker. Imagine grabbing your keychain canister of pepper spray and in your fear and rush, you don't realize the spray is aimed at you, not outward. Or the attacker grabs you and sprays you with it. The instructor said he advises never carrying that stuff, but knowing techniques, and most of all knowing where and how to get away, and following your gut if you feel fear. That last one is tough for a lot of girls who tend to think, "I'm overreacting and I don't want to assume that person means me harm" etc.

I'll try to find the name of the company that did our workshop and I'll come back and post if I can. It was two years ago so not sure I still have the info, but will return if I do.

If you’re in “fear and rush” it’s already over and you’ve lost. The last place pepper spray belongs is on a keychain or in a purse.

As for the little portable “alarms,” PP has to be kidding.

[Anonymous]

College girls don't get attacked out in the open where pepper spray or a whistle would matter. College girls do end up pinned under drunk men that they voluntarily went home with or took home, who now refuse to leave or listen. You need to have a conversation with your kid about what to do in various situations, including the situations that are already somewhat out of control....or if a situation went over the line and it is the next morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College girls don't get attacked out in the open where pepper spray or a whistle would matter. College girls do end up pinned under drunk men that they voluntarily went home with or took home, who now refuse to leave or listen. You need to have a conversation with your kid about what to do in various situations, including the situations that are already somewhat out of control....or if a situation went over the line and it is the next morning.

Sorry, should have added, parents need to have conversations with their sons too. And what they can do when they see their friends in bad situations.

[Anonymous]

I have strongly been considering this one for my DD who is a senior in HS this year but works late and often leaves with just one other person.

https://www.invisawear.com/

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you for all the great advice! My main concern is that she works at a restaurant and will be walking from her parking spot to her dorm alone after work which will be around 10-10:30. Her dorm is very close to the popular bars. She does not drink or party at all, but I know how quickly tvat can change in college, so we will continue having those conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to her about not walking alone at night (at least until she has lived on campus for a few months and knows the area) and about alcohol safety (ie, don't leave friends behind, keep your drink in your possession, limit drinking). You want her to stay out of iffy situations, not deploy mace.

Excellent advice!

[Anonymous]

More often than not, pepper spray gets used on victims themselves. It is not the smart choice.

Making safe choices is going to be more important. You've had lots of good advice on that already.

[Anonymous]

Good thread. My college DD has been educated many times to not take unnecessary risks. She is not a person who will go out drinking without several of her friends, she limits going out with flakey friends or who make bad decisions, she is aware that people can roofie you etc. 2 of her friends have gotten raped at college BTW after they were roofied so this is not all theoretical for her. She steers clear of Greek life at all times.

She does not use Tinder etc to date and mostly has met people on campus. She has a pepper spray in her car and on her key chain. She does location sharing on phone with us. Her car has an emergency service. She always has someone walk her to her car in a parking spot and she parks in a lit place.

She has dated quite a bit in college but most of her first dates are with fellow college students in public events at campus in the day time and she strategically has her friends spread around at events so that she is safe. She is careful of her digital foot print. Unfortunately, people can be harmed even after doing all of this. It is sad that you have to be forever vigilant. We are super careful people.

I want to buy her a small gun but she is not interested. We are teaching her to shoot though and she has a license.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More often than not, pepper spray gets used on victims themselves. It is not the smart choice.

Making safe choices is going to be more important. You've had lots of good advice on that already.

And the well-controlled statistically significant study supporting this assertion is . . .?

We’ll wait.

Advice not to go armed lest your weapon be taken against you typically originates with police . . . who go armed everywhere, because they can.

Retention training is a necessary part of any self defense plan involving weapons other than perhaps hands and feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good thread. My college DD has been educated many times to not take unnecessary risks. She is not a person who will go out drinking without several of her friends, she limits going out with flakey friends or who make bad decisions, she is aware that people can roofie you etc. 2 of her friends have gotten raped at college BTW after they were roofied so this is not all theoretical for her. She steers clear of Greek life at all times.

She does not use Tinder etc to date and mostly has met people on campus. She has a pepper spray in her car and on her key chain. She does location sharing on phone with us. Her car has an emergency service. She always has someone walk her to her car in a parking spot and she parks in a lit place.

She has dated quite a bit in college but most of her first dates are with fellow college students in public events at campus in the day time and she strategically has her friends spread around at events so that she is safe. She is careful of her digital foot print. Unfortunately, people can be harmed even after doing all of this. It is sad that you have to be forever vigilant. We are super careful people.

I want to buy her a small gun but she is not interested. We are teaching her to shoot though and she has a license.

“I want to buy her a small gun.”

And you’re the one teaching her to shoot? Gawd I hope not. Because if you know anything about guns you know the smaller they are the harder they are to use well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College girls don't get attacked out in the open where pepper spray or a whistle would matter. College girls do end up pinned under drunk men that they voluntarily went home with or took home, who now refuse to leave or listen. You need to have a conversation with your kid about what to do in various situations, including the situations that are already somewhat out of control....or if a situation went over the line and it is the next morning.

There are techniques even for these terrible situations, but as PP’s have observed, staying out of trouble is way easier than getting out of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More often than not, pepper spray gets used on victims themselves. It is not the smart choice.

Making safe choices is going to be more important. You've had lots of good advice on that already.

And the well-controlled statistically significant study supporting this assertion is . . .? We’ll wait. Advice not to go armed lest your weapon be taken against you typically originates with police . . . who go armed everywhere, because they can. Retention training is a necessary part of any self defense plan involving weapons other than perhaps hands and feet.

Different poster. When I took self-defense at my college as a gym credit in 1994, our instructor also said if we're comfortable with brass knuckles, pepper spray, stun gun, etc. go for it, but keep in mind that any of those can be used against you, and if they're in your hand then you don't have your hand free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have strongly been considering this one for my DD who is a senior in HS this year but works late and often leaves with just one other person.

https://www.invisawear.com/

That’s pretty neat if you have the right friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for all the great advice! My main concern is that she works at a restaurant and will be walking from her parking spot to her dorm alone after work which will be around 10-10:30. Her dorm is very close to the popular bars. She does not drink or party at all, but I know how quickly tvat can change in college, so we will continue having those conversations.

My supervisor and coworker always, and I mean ALWAYS, walked me to my car when I had the closing shift. We never closed with less than three people, as the people you know are more likely to assault you than a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More often than not, pepper spray gets used on victims themselves. It is not the smart choice.

Making safe choices is going to be more important. You've had lots of good advice on that already.

And the well-controlled statistically significant study supporting this assertion is . . .? We’ll wait. Advice not to go armed lest your weapon be taken against you typically originates with police . . . who go armed everywhere, because they can. Retention training is a necessary part of any self defense plan involving weapons other than perhaps hands and feet.

Different poster. When I took self-defense at my college as a gym credit in 1994, our instructor also said if we're comfortable with brass knuckles, pepper spray, stun gun, etc. go for it, but keep in mind that any of those can be used against you, and if they're in your hand then you don't have your hand free.

Stun guns (other than a taser, which strictly speaking is not a stun gun) are a waste of time.

I don’t know anywhere brass knuckles aren’t unlawful, and without training they’re probably pretty much useless too since they only reinforce a punch the person needs to already know how to throw.