did having another kid have a net negative impact on your existing kid(s) life

[Anonymous]

For two of my siblings’ families it clearly did, but they ended up with multiples in one case and a child with pretty significant special needs in the other. It’s a large part of why we did not have a third child ourselves, though I’m still kind of sad about that. That said, I’m part of a big family and definitely glad my parents had all of us! And my two kids are much better off for having each other and very close.

[Anonymous]

Nope. My oldest got a built in playmate and they’re besties. They’re 22 months apart. My eldest doesn’t really remember what it was like before his sibling arrived.

[Anonymous]

With Covid I was blessed with three kids very close in age. They always had someone to play with even though they often fought.

[Anonymous]

Its a long road. Youre building a family unit that hopefully will last for decades. I have 4 but think one more would be great. Not concerned about Disney trips or them not playing 2 sports. Thinking of them having eachother when im not around anymore. My brother just spent 2 days test driving cars for me a few states away. Other sibling not in picture. Hedge your bets with more kids in case one is a dud.

[Anonymous]

No it was a positive. I'm very lucky that older sib was very excited about getting a little brother, and she and him are still close and rarely fight.

In the long term, it is also good to not be the entire focus of the parents, to not get everything you want, share, and all that good stuff.

Then again, I only have two. They might feel differently if they had to share with more siblings.

[Anonymous]

No. They learned to be more independent, have built-in playmates (all my kids get along pretty well - I don't believe this was anything we as parents did and is huge), and I relaxed more because you can't stress nearly as much about everything for 3 kids as you can for 1.

Occasionally one or the other of them will need one-on-one parent and kid time. So we rearrange things and make that happen. Then they are back to good, pretty much.

[Anonymous]

I am the oldest of three, and my siblings have definitely been a net positive in my life. I wouldn’t have wanted my mother’s full attention on me. If anything, I think my mom worked too hard to never say “no,” and make sure that we didn’t miss out on any opportunities, and it meant that we missed out on a lot of family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a long road. Youre building a family unit that hopefully will last for decades. I have 4 but think one more would be great. Not concerned about Disney trips or them not playing 2 sports. Thinking of them having eachother when im not around anymore. My brother just spent 2 days test driving cars for me a few states away. Other sibling not in picture. Hedge your bets with more kids in case one is a dud.

This is the most honest response I've seen on DCUM in a while. My mom had a second to give me a sibling, in her words, and as children we weren't close and as adults she's fine, but not someone that adds value to my life or even really my parents' life as an adult child. Have more kids because YOU want them. They could turn out to be your child's life long BFF, or they could turn out to be a life long source of stress and resource-taker. And a lot of those close siblings as children grow more and more distant as adults. There is no predicting, so don't worry about it beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Ask me after we pay for all three to go to college! But they do get along well as elementary aged children.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine either of my kids without their sibling to keep them company. My sons are best friends and, honestly, never really complained about COVID because they had one another as playmates. DH and I knew that 2 kids was our limit though (both emotionally and financially). I feel like a third would put a financial strain on our ability to not only pay for childcare but to save for college and retirement (and fun stuff too).

[Anonymous]

No - my older one (4) loves his sibling (9 months) dearly. He was smitten from the time we brought the little one home from the hospital. He always says how much he loves having a sibling. I do worry that having a second had a negative impact on my own life, at least in the short term - I have almost no time to myself and it set me back in a variety of ways in my career, and it has put a strain on my marriage (despite my DH being the one who pushed hard for a second). But I do love my baby dearly and spending time with him brings me joy.

In my own life, I'm the younger of 2. My older brother is on the autism spectrum and has some other health issues. Although he is doing relatively well (living independently and has a job), he has had a rough adulthood and my parents continue to worry about his ability to live an independent and fulfilling life. By contrast, I do not have any special needs and am in a position to help my parents/family financially. My brother and I aren't particularly close but we get along fine and he likes seeing his nephews. So I think it was a win for my parents to have 2.

[Anonymous]

I think this can happen in some families where the second (or more) child has severe issues that the parents aren't really equipped to manage. (Note I said not equipped - I know there are some families who thrive even with siblings with challenges.)

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure this a question parents can answer, or answer honestly. That's something the siblings will determine.


Personally, I'm neutral on my siblings.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of four and wish my parents had more

[Anonymous]

To have to get along and adjust to more people in your life is always a good thing. It keeps people from growing up spoiled which then hinders them in their own life going forward.

Only exception would be introducing a rare outliner into the family dynamic who's uniquely challenging.