Do grandparents always prefer the child who looks more like them?

[Anonymous]

Grandma sounds like a kook, and not a fun at all. OP, your husband should nip this favoritism in the bud right now. Let Grandma know the consequences (limiting access or denying it altogether) if this keeps up. It's hurtful to the other twin, she knows it, you know it, and Grandma knows it.

[Anonymous]

OP why are you torn about what to do? Nip this in the bud immediately or remove her access. This will do irreparable harm to the twins if it doesn’t stop.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my family lavishes attention on the kids that look like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop convincing her (bringing up singing talent seems weird, they are toddlers).

But if she buys matching outfits for Gma and only 1 daughter, I'd have your DH have a talk about that bullsh*t because that is NOT okay.

Call out the one sided treatment when it is obvious, and if it doesn't improve, you scale back visits. This is incredibly toxic behavior for siblings, especially twins, to endure. It's not good for EITHER of them and you are the one who needs to protect them from it. This is the type of stuff that will damage their sibling bond and I would not tolerate that at ALL.

Have to agree with this comment.

One sister and I took after grandmother's family. Grandmother didn't exactly hide her preference for look-alikes. Other sister deeply, deeply resents us. I don't talk to her anymore. It probably all started over our looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop convincing her (bringing up singing talent seems weird, they are toddlers).

But if she buys matching outfits for Gma and only 1 daughter, I'd have your DH have a talk about that bullsh*t because that is NOT okay.

Call out the one sided treatment when it is obvious, and if it doesn't improve, you scale back visits. This is incredibly toxic behavior for siblings, especially twins, to endure. It's not good for EITHER of them and you are the one who needs to protect them from it. This is the type of stuff that will damage their sibling bond and I would not tolerate that at ALL.

ALL OF THIS. OP your focus has to be on your daughters and you and DH need to stop any behaviors that will interfere with their sisterly, TWIN bond. Your MIL, whether wittingly on not ( ) is setting the stage for problems between them in the future. Stop it now. I agree with the PP who said to write down examples. My MIL favors my BIL. My DH isn’t really bothered by it, that brother is a bit of a case and MIL always has to help him out. But my DH and I joke about the favoritism and one day in front of her and she got SO upset that we thought that. I really think she was being honest and she was shocked, but it is so so obvious. Sometimes people don’t see their own behavior clearly. Which is why you need examples, and you need to point them out to her - especially any examples that involve your other daughter being confused or feeling left out. If she’s a decent person, that will get her to stop. If it doesn’t, cut back on Grandma time until she can treat them equally.

[Anonymous]

My mom favors my brother’s youngest son, who looks just like my brother did as a child. She actively dislikes my brother’s oldest son, who looks like my SIL and my father from whom my mom is divorced. She seems to have no connection to the middle girl, who looks like a mix of both parents. My mom likes to brag about my kid’s accomplishments but doesn’t favor him overall- my DH is a different race and I can tell that my mom just doesn’t know how to fully connect to a relative who looks so different.

I should also say, as an adult twin, that your mom is playing some messed-up games. Listen to the PP above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents prefer whichever of my kids is behaving and in the best mood that day. They don't favor one because of their looks.

+1 they favor the nice ones which can change day to day

[Anonymous]

People like to see their features in other family members—grandparents are no different.