Did you settle when hiring your nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We settled and hired a male nanny.

Why is that a "settle"?

[Anonymous]

You need to “settle” - most nannies are not Mary Poppins perfect. The big question is do you trust them with your child? The other stuff is secondary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are looking for a new full time nanny since our current nanny needs to move out of state. We have probably interviewed 20 nannies by now and can’t seem to find exactly what we are looking for. Maybe we just got really lucky the first time around, but I am am very curious - do most people end up settling or compromising on what they really want when hiring a nanny, or have you found someone who checks every single box on your list?

I think what makes it hard is that we know exactly what we want based on what our current nanny does for us, and maybe she just goes way above and beyond?

For example, we found one nanny we like but she doesn’t cook. She said she can make kid basics like mac n cheese or spaghetti but we would ideally prefer someone who can make more than just that.

Another nanny billed herself as very neat and organized but both of her references said she wasn’t so great at cleaning up after the kids but they didn’t care because she was so much fun.

A couple seemed great and met almost all our needs except they have younger kids of their own and can’t start before 8:30am, which is too late for us because we need someone who can arrive by 8am.

Is your nanny mostly perfect or is compromising the norm?

Nanny here- Is she a nanny 30+? I ask because I’m a nanny and many nannies tell employers they can only cook basic meals, because of job creep. I’ve been to culinary school and never put that on my resume or tell parents, because then they expect that you are also an unpaid chef for the parents or happy to do complicated meal prep or make family meals - for no extra pay. If you nanny is in her early 20’s it’s possible she can’t cook, but most nannies know how to cook but we always just say ‘basic meals’ in interviews due to abuse from previous employers. I’m pretty sure she knows how to cook a chicken breast, but so many families expect mini gourmet meals for kids and a whole bunch of other family cooking, so it’s in our best interest to say we can only do basic cooking. It weeds out a lot of families. I would never say I only make frozen meals, but I do say I can cook basic healthy meals FOR THE CHILDREN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until fall when ehanced unemployment stops

First, it’s a Republican myth that unemployment is keeping people out of the work force. Second, it wouldn’t apply to nannies who earn between $20 and $30 an hour before overtime.

This. In pandemic, I’ve been making over $1500 a week with overtime. Why would I go on unemployment??? I don’t know any nanny making over $25/hr who chose to sit at home on the dole vs the chance to make extra money. My family is school aged and I went from $800/week net to $1500-1700.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny makes me kinda bonkers and I’m pretty annoyed with her on several fronts but my kids truly adore her snd are deeply attached to her so I have to be flexible because of their bond.

The things that bug me are she’s late every single day by anywhere from 5-25 minutes. She also is pretty disorganized and I am not exaggerating-under her watch we have lost over 15 pairs of shoes (or single shoes, rather) in a year. She also lets my kid draw on the wall, which really astonishes me that she doesn’t seem to worry or feel bad.

She leaves the dishwasher overflowing with clean dishes every single day, which is a massive pain because I’m rushing to get dinner on the table and have to unload the dishwasher first. There’s ususally a sink full of clean dishes too.

But she handles therapy for my special needs DS and he has made tremendous progress under her care, so much so that our therapists and doctors are shocked. And other than being late every day, she’s otherwise reliable and low drama and sweet and loving.

So I guess yeah we settled but not on safety/sweetness/attentiveness to the children which were my priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny makes me kinda bonkers and I’m pretty annoyed with her on several fronts but my kids truly adore her snd are deeply attached to her so I have to be flexible because of their bond.

The things that bug me are she’s late every single day by anywhere from 5-25 minutes. She also is pretty disorganized and I am not exaggerating-under her watch we have lost over 15 pairs of shoes (or single shoes, rather) in a year. She also lets my kid draw on the wall, which really astonishes me that she doesn’t seem to worry or feel bad.

She leaves the dishwasher overflowing with clean dishes every single day, which is a massive pain because I’m rushing to get dinner on the table and have to unload the dishwasher first. There’s ususally a sink full of clean dishes too.

But she handles therapy for my special needs DS and he has made tremendous progress under her care, so much so that our therapists and doctors are shocked. And other than being late every day, she’s otherwise reliable and low drama and sweet and loving.

So I guess yeah we settled but not on safety/sweetness/attentiveness to the children which were my priorities.

Omg. Forgot to mention she also takes a 2 hour nap when my kids are napping everyday which is another thing that astonishes me. She does it in the same room as my DS so I think she feels like it means she’s “watching” him I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are looking for a new full time nanny since our current nanny needs to move out of state. We have probably interviewed 20 nannies by now and can’t seem to find exactly what we are looking for. Maybe we just got really lucky the first time around, but I am am very curious - do most people end up settling or compromising on what they really want when hiring a nanny, or have you found someone who checks every single box on your list?

I think what makes it hard is that we know exactly what we want based on what our current nanny does for us, and maybe she just goes way above and beyond?

For example, we found one nanny we like but she doesn’t cook. She said she can make kid basics like mac n cheese or spaghetti but we would ideally prefer someone who can make more than just that.

Another nanny billed herself as very neat and organized but both of her references said she wasn’t so great at cleaning up after the kids but they didn’t care because she was so much fun.

A couple seemed great and met almost all our needs except they have younger kids of their own and can’t start before 8:30am, which is too late for us because we need someone who can arrive by 8am.

Is your nanny mostly perfect or is compromising the norm?

Nanny here- Is she a nanny 30+? I ask because I’m a nanny and many nannies tell employers they can only cook basic meals, because of job creep. I’ve been to culinary school and never put that on my resume or tell parents, because then they expect that you are also an unpaid chef for the parents or happy to do complicated meal prep or make family meals - for no extra pay. If you nanny is in her early 20’s it’s possible she can’t cook, but most nannies know how to cook but we always just say ‘basic meals’ in interviews due to abuse from previous employers. I’m pretty sure she knows how to cook a chicken breast, but so many families expect mini gourmet meals for kids and a whole bunch of other family cooking, so it’s in our best interest to say we can only do basic cooking. It weeds out a lot of families. I would never say I only make frozen meals, but I do say I can cook basic healthy meals FOR THE CHILDREN.

This is such a good point. I’ve seen families just start adding onto the nanny’s tasks abd convince themselves it’s NBD. Cooking meals for a family takes more than twice as much time as cooking for the children. I’ve also seen families start mixing laundry because it’s NBD for the nanny to run a family wash while the kid naps. Pretty soon she’s expected to fold too and the parents are annoyed if things get hectic one day and dinner’s not ready for them when they get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny makes me kinda bonkers and I’m pretty annoyed with her on several fronts but my kids truly adore her snd are deeply attached to her so I have to be flexible because of their bond.

The things that bug me are she’s late every single day by anywhere from 5-25 minutes. She also is pretty disorganized and I am not exaggerating-under her watch we have lost over 15 pairs of shoes (or single shoes, rather) in a year. She also lets my kid draw on the wall, which really astonishes me that she doesn’t seem to worry or feel bad.

She leaves the dishwasher overflowing with clean dishes every single day, which is a massive pain because I’m rushing to get dinner on the table and have to unload the dishwasher first. There’s ususally a sink full of clean dishes too.

But she handles therapy for my special needs DS and he has made tremendous progress under her care, so much so that our therapists and doctors are shocked. And other than being late every day, she’s otherwise reliable and low drama and sweet and loving.

So I guess yeah we settled but not on safety/sweetness/attentiveness to the children which were my priorities.

Omg. Forgot to mention she also takes a 2 hour nap when my kids are napping everyday which is another thing that astonishes me. She does it in the same room as my DS so I think she feels like it means she’s “watching” him I guess.

What do you think she should be doing during this time? Our nanny could do whatever she wanted during our DS' nap--study for school, watch TV, read, sleep, whatever. Cleaning wasn't part of her job (except the obvious tidying associated with taking care of him). She was a great cook, and sometimes did that for us when she felt like it, but it wasn't part of her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are looking for a new full time nanny since our current nanny needs to move out of state. We have probably interviewed 20 nannies by now and can’t seem to find exactly what we are looking for. Maybe we just got really lucky the first time around, but I am am very curious - do most people end up settling or compromising on what they really want when hiring a nanny, or have you found someone who checks every single box on your list?

I think what makes it hard is that we know exactly what we want based on what our current nanny does for us, and maybe she just goes way above and beyond?

For example, we found one nanny we like but she doesn’t cook. She said she can make kid basics like mac n cheese or spaghetti but we would ideally prefer someone who can make more than just that.

Another nanny billed herself as very neat and organized but both of her references said she wasn’t so great at cleaning up after the kids but they didn’t care because she was so much fun.

A couple seemed great and met almost all our needs except they have younger kids of their own and can’t start before 8:30am, which is too late for us because we need someone who can arrive by 8am.

Is your nanny mostly perfect or is compromising the norm?

Nanny here- Is she a nanny 30+? I ask because I’m a nanny and many nannies tell employers they can only cook basic meals, because of job creep. I’ve been to culinary school and never put that on my resume or tell parents, because then they expect that you are also an unpaid chef for the parents or happy to do complicated meal prep or make family meals - for no extra pay. If you nanny is in her early 20’s it’s possible she can’t cook, but most nannies know how to cook but we always just say ‘basic meals’ in interviews due to abuse from previous employers. I’m pretty sure she knows how to cook a chicken breast, but so many families expect mini gourmet meals for kids and a whole bunch of other family cooking, so it’s in our best interest to say we can only do basic cooking. It weeds out a lot of families. I would never say I only make frozen meals, but I do say I can cook basic healthy meals FOR THE CHILDREN.

This is such a good point. I’ve seen families just start adding onto the nanny’s tasks abd convince themselves it’s NBD. Cooking meals for a family takes more than twice as much time as cooking for the children. I’ve also seen families start mixing laundry because it’s NBD for the nanny to run a family wash while the kid naps. Pretty soon she’s expected to fold too and the parents are annoyed if things get hectic one day and dinner’s not ready for them when they get home.

I'm the PP who mentioned that our nanny was a great cook. I can see that happening. Don't think she ever mentioned cooking during interview, maybe she did. She worked for us for 7 yrs and we never asked her to make our meals, but she did it from time to time because she wanted to. That was great. It would never have occurred to me to add any laundry to the kids' laundry. That's just weird and not right. Set the expectations and scope, maybe a little stricter than you actually intend to be, and then go from there. It's far easier to relax than to try to reign anything in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny makes me kinda bonkers and I’m pretty annoyed with her on several fronts but my kids truly adore her snd are deeply attached to her so I have to be flexible because of their bond.

The things that bug me are she’s late every single day by anywhere from 5-25 minutes. She also is pretty disorganized and I am not exaggerating-under her watch we have lost over 15 pairs of shoes (or single shoes, rather) in a year. She also lets my kid draw on the wall, which really astonishes me that she doesn’t seem to worry or feel bad.

She leaves the dishwasher overflowing with clean dishes every single day, which is a massive pain because I’m rushing to get dinner on the table and have to unload the dishwasher first. There’s ususally a sink full of clean dishes too.

But she handles therapy for my special needs DS and he has made tremendous progress under her care, so much so that our therapists and doctors are shocked. And other than being late every day, she’s otherwise reliable and low drama and sweet and loving.

So I guess yeah we settled but not on safety/sweetness/attentiveness to the children which were my priorities.

Omg. Forgot to mention she also takes a 2 hour nap when my kids are napping everyday which is another thing that astonishes me. She does it in the same room as my DS so I think she feels like it means she’s “watching” him I guess.

What do you think she should be doing during this time? Our nanny could do whatever she wanted during our DS' nap--study for school, watch TV, read, sleep, whatever. Cleaning wasn't part of her job (except the obvious tidying associated with taking care of him). She was a great cook, and sometimes did that for us when she felt like it, but it wasn't part of her job.

I’d like her to clean off the walls that she allowed the kids to color on. And try to locate any of the 15 shoes that she lost during her shift. And unload the effing dishwasher. Once those things are done I don’t care if she wants to take a break for an hour or so, but a 2 hour nap every single day seems like a bit much when the house is so messy every day.

[Anonymous]

Our first nanny worked out perfectly and she’s still a big part of our lives. Our second nanny- we were trying hard to find one during the pandemic- was only ok. She was always late and rarely took the kids out of the house. But my kids liked her and she kept them safe during a crazy time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I run a local nanny agency and there are SO many wonderful, hardworking, loving nannies available right now.

My advice is to give people interviews even if you are not sold based on their resume or such. I have so many clients that end up clicking with a candidate they didn't necessarily expect to.

I only move forward representing about 40% of the nannies I interview/background check/reference call, but I really love the part of my job where a nanny just looks "OK" on paper, but ends up being such a gem during the interview and I can help them find a family as equally as great as them.

Sorry you've been having a rough go replacing your nanny.

I second this. My best nanny was a 50 year old with no nanny experience, no references listed. She was working a job that became too physically demanding. Her care dot com post had bare bones info, she didn't sell herself well on that page. English was not her first language and she only had a high school degree. But she had two kids, the youngest a 7 year old, so she had recent childcaring experience. She had a clean driving record and had acquired citizenship. I had interviewed almost 15 people by then. Her interview went great, and she's been a gem for years.

Yes! We had the same experience- the one I chose didn’t have the experience of the others but she was perfect for us. Good luck, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are looking for a new full time nanny since our current nanny needs to move out of state. We have probably interviewed 20 nannies by now and can’t seem to find exactly what we are looking for. Maybe we just got really lucky the first time around, but I am am very curious - do most people end up settling or compromising on what they really want when hiring a nanny, or have you found someone who checks every single box on your list?

I think what makes it hard is that we know exactly what we want based on what our current nanny does for us, and maybe she just goes way above and beyond?

For example, we found one nanny we like but she doesn’t cook. She said she can make kid basics like mac n cheese or spaghetti but we would ideally prefer someone who can make more than just that.

Another nanny billed herself as very neat and organized but both of her references said she wasn’t so great at cleaning up after the kids but they didn’t care because she was so much fun.

A couple seemed great and met almost all our needs except they have younger kids of their own and can’t start before 8:30am, which is too late for us because we need someone who can arrive by 8am.

Is your nanny mostly perfect or is compromising the norm?

If you have interviewed 20 applicants then you are looking for the impossible. You should quit your job and take care of your own kids. Every nanny you hire will quit within two months.

[Anonymous]

Cooking is the least important duty, IMO. Tidying up after the kids, doing their dishes and laundry makes a big difference in the smooth running of the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to “settle” - most nannies are not Mary Poppins perfect. The big question is do you trust them with your child? The other stuff is secondary

Mary Poppins didn’t cook either.