Flying with screaming kids

[Anonymous]

First, it's "advice," not "advise."

When I flew with my 10 month old, she was fussy. I tried to stand up and comfort her (rock, bounce), but the flight attendant told me that I couldn't stand in the open area between coach and business class because I would disturb the business class passengers (even though my baby stopped crying when I stood up). I also couldn't stand in the aisle because they were doing the meal cart (and everybody was giving me the evil eye if I stood next to them). And I couldn't stand up in front of my seat because the seat in front of me was too close. So I had to sit in my seat, whereupon my baby cried. Nothing else I tried would stop her. I even had a car seat for her, but that didn't help. We were moving overseas, so I had no choice but to bring her.

Since you are such an experienced mom, I welcome your suggestions as to what I should do next time.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I recently read an article about this; I think it was an advice column such as Miss Manners or Dear Prudence on Slate. I am in my 30's and a nanny w/o children of my own. I don't travel often but cringe when I know a screaming child is going to board our plane. The advice column I recently read said is it most definitely the parent's responsibility to keep the kid from disturbing everyone else on the plane, or to at least make an honest effort to do so. One suggestion was to have small little gifts the child can open every hour or two so there is something to look forward to. Obviously with a small infant this isn't going to work.

With babies, I would talk to the pediatrician about giving a decongestant before take off because their screaming could be caused by plugged ears. They don't know how to pop their ears for themselves and obviously no one can do it for them. I know how uncomfortable my ears get when I travel so I think it's negligent to make a child suffer in that way.

Lastly parents...if someone else offers a suggestion on how to calm your baby, for the love of pete at least try it rather than tell them they're a know it all. Last summer a flight I was supposed to board got delayed an hour or two and there were several children who were going to board as well. One of them was a screaming wild animal. There were several seasoned mom/grandmas/nanny (me) who had suggestions on how to help the parents...we're all experienced with this, they were first time parents. What we offered was sound advice for how to help the girl burn off some excess energy and feel like she wasn't constantly being told "no" while waiting at the gate. The dad indicated he knew his child better than anyone else so no one else could possibly have suggestions that would work better. Well dad, what you were doing was obviously not working, so why not try something else. It's not like the suggestions were coming from teenagers with no childcare experience. THAT's the type of attitude OP was referring to!! And yes, parents, you DO have an obligation to teach your children boundaries and not to disturb everyone around them. OP is right on this one.

[Anonymous]

Nope, OP is not right. OP is a horrible troll who should either buy a business class ticket or stay home. Sometimes, members of the public are going to interfere with the perfect little bubble-world of zen that she has created for herself. Shudder. Maybe she could buy a paper bag to wear over her head during the flight to try to keep everything from the outside world from reaching her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently read an article about this; I think it was an advice column such as Miss Manners or Dear Prudence on Slate. I am in my 30's and a nanny w/o children of my own. I don't travel often but cringe when I know a screaming child is going to board our plane. The advice column I recently read said is it most definitely the parent's responsibility to keep the kid from disturbing everyone else on the plane, or to at least make an honest effort to do so. One suggestion was to have small little gifts the child can open every hour or two so there is something to look forward to. Obviously with a small infant this isn't going to work.

With babies, I would talk to the pediatrician about giving a decongestant before take off because their screaming could be caused by plugged ears. They don't know how to pop their ears for themselves and obviously no one can do it for them. I know how uncomfortable my ears get when I travel so I think it's negligent to make a child suffer in that way.

Lastly parents...if someone else offers a suggestion on how to calm your baby, for the love of pete at least try it rather than tell them they're a know it all. Last summer a flight I was supposed to board got delayed an hour or two and there were several children who were going to board as well. One of them was a screaming wild animal. There were several seasoned mom/grandmas/nanny (me) who had suggestions on how to help the parents...we're all experienced with this, they were first time parents. What we offered was sound advice for how to help the girl burn off some excess energy and feel like she wasn't constantly being told "no" while waiting at the gate. The dad indicated he knew his child better than anyone else so no one else could possibly have suggestions that would work better. Well dad, what you were doing was obviously not working, so why not try something else. It's not like the suggestions were coming from teenagers with no childcare experience. THAT's the type of attitude OP was referring to!! And yes, parents, you DO have an obligation to teach your children boundaries and not to disturb everyone around them. OP is right on this one.

Please, please come back here and give your perspective once you have kids of your own. I understand what you are saying, but with all due respect, there are plenty of times when parents DO know their kids best. I have had so many people come up to my screaming DS trying to entertain him, but that totally makes him worse. He just needs to let off a bit of steam with a cry and then he's fine. But if people interfere, he totally loses it. So please, if you are getting vibes from parents that they should be left alone, stay away and trust that they do know their own children. All kids are different ... truly ... I have 2 totally different ones myself. What works with some kids doesn't work with others.

[Anonymous]

I always think it's interesting how people who comment about screaming babies think the parents "aren't trying hard enough." Have they ever seen the look of sheer frustration and ultimate stress on the parents? Believe me -- I've flown numerous times with my kids and had my fair share of trying to calm a screaming baby -- sometimes there is nothing you can do (because you've tried everything). I have simply broken down and cried (along with my child) because I couldn't get him to stop. I don't think I've ever just sat in my seat and flipped through a magazine while my baby screamed. Come on! Where do people get these ideas?

[Anonymous]

Totally agree . . . sometimes the last thing a kid needs is 30 busybodies bustling around him trying 30 different tactics to entertain him. Usually when a kid is melting down, it is because that kid is overdone, overstimulated, and just fried. This is not the time to try a bunch of new techniques.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always think it's interesting how people who comment about screaming babies think the parents "aren't trying hard enough." Have they ever seen the look of sheer frustration and ultimate stress on the parents? Believe me -- I've flown numerous times with my kids and had my fair share of trying to calm a screaming baby -- sometimes there is nothing you can do (because you've tried everything). I have simply broken down and cried (along with my child) because I couldn't get him to stop. I don't think I've ever just sat in my seat and flipped through a magazine while my baby screamed. Come on! Where do people get these ideas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always think it's interesting how people who comment about screaming babies think the parents "aren't trying hard enough." Have they ever seen the look of sheer frustration and ultimate stress on the parents? Believe me -- I've flown numerous times with my kids and had my fair share of trying to calm a screaming baby -- sometimes there is nothing you can do (because you've tried everything). I have simply broken down and cried (along with my child) because I couldn't get him to stop. I don't think I've ever just sat in my seat and flipped through a magazine while my baby screamed. Come on! Where do people get these ideas?

On top of all that, you play this game regarding the best time to fly:

-- do you fly when baby is tired (so baby will sleep, but risking super-bad behavior if he doesn't fall asleep)?
-- do you fly when baby has just awoken from a nap (ensuring that baby WON'T sleep on the plane, but then may cry from feeling trapped on the plane?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always think it's interesting how people who comment about screaming babies think the parents "aren't trying hard enough." Have they ever seen the look of sheer frustration and ultimate stress on the parents? Believe me -- I've flown numerous times with my kids and had my fair share of trying to calm a screaming baby -- sometimes there is nothing you can do (because you've tried everything). I have simply broken down and cried (along with my child) because I couldn't get him to stop. I don't think I've ever just sat in my seat and flipped through a magazine while my baby screamed. Come on! Where do people get these ideas?

On top of all that, you play this game regarding the best time to fly:

-- do you fly when baby is tired (so baby will sleep, but risking super-bad behavior if he doesn't fall asleep)?
-- do you fly when baby has just awoken from a nap (ensuring that baby WON'T sleep on the plane, but then may cry from feeling trapped on the plane?)

Even worse is to try and time it right, only to get foiled when there is a delay.

[Anonymous]

I love to ignore my kids in the plane just to piss off ppl like OP! it's the only thrill I get from travelling with llt ones...

[Anonymous]

NP here. I dunno. As a parent, I'm embarrassed for all of you that don't at least TRY to parent. Isn't that our job, after all? Did someone hold a gun to your head to have kids? Or it this just "typical D.C./not my job" mentality?

Shameful. Be considerate. Do you have parents, or were you raised in a barn? I think I know the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. I dunno. As a parent, I'm embarrassed for all of you that don't at least TRY to parent. Isn't that our job, after all? Did someone hold a gun to your head to have kids? Or it this just "typical D.C./not my job" mentality?

Shameful. Be considerate. Do you have parents, or were you raised in a barn? I think I know the answer.

Who doesn't "try to parent?" Come on. Everyone on here is the perfect parent hands down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. I dunno. As a parent, I'm embarrassed for all of you that don't at least TRY to parent. Isn't that our job, after all? Did someone hold a gun to your head to have kids? Or it this just "typical D.C./not my job" mentality?

Shameful. Be considerate. Do you have parents, or were you raised in a barn? I think I know the answer.

This is the problem. How does anyone (but the parents) know how much the parents have tried? And how does anyone (but the parents) know what the kid responds well to?

When my kid is overtired, he doesn't need me in his face trying to redirect his attention. He needs to be left alone to zone out and fall asleep. I know that doing this will get a quicker result than walking about jiggling him or doing Intsy Wintsy Spider or something.

So, you can give me the evil eye all you want. But I know I will have a sleeping child soon if I ignore you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. I dunno. As a parent, I'm embarrassed for all of you that don't at least TRY to parent. Isn't that our job, after all? Did someone hold a gun to your head to have kids? Or it this just "typical D.C./not my job" mentality?

Shameful. Be considerate. Do you have parents, or were you raised in a barn? I think I know the answer.

This is a classic. Yes, the typical DC "not my job" parent was raised in a quaint little barn just off Connecticut Avenue, having come into existence via stork delivery, necessitating no parental involvement. And, of course with DC being more dangerous than your average farm, we were forced at gunpoint to reproduce. This exhausting upbringing left us ininterested in parenting ot even TRYING. We'd be ashamed, but we're just not considerate enough to have such a feeling.

[Anonymous]

Glad you admitted it.