What causes a teen to drop/ ghost a BFF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that there is no real answer to this. Assuming that the dropped friend in question has not done anything malicious and is not annoying, etc, what caucuses a teen/ tween to suddenly ghost and drop a friend that they previously hung out with all the time and labeled at BFF? My spouse and I never experienced this growing up and it has been painful to watch our DC move through this transition.

I think this happens, but I would not frame it as one kid dropping the other. You see it when one person oppresses, bullies, or is just not a great friend/partner and the other person finally sees a point where they can break free from the oppressor. You might not think your child as the oppressor or bully, but I guess you can ask yourself "does my child get dropped frequently?" if so, you might want to talk amongst yourselves and figure out what it is that your child is doing to develop this pattern. The oppression or bullying may not take form of the stereotypical things that you think of. It may be simply, your child is not good at taking turns, only want things her way, needs to take all the credit all the time, talks bad about others, creates drama where drama is not necessary, etc. These things can be very tiring do deal with on a daily basis, so when the prisoner sees the chance, they will break free. When they break free, they are not really trying to be in with the other girls or drop your kid. They just need a relief valve from the oppression. But if you see it that way, I wonder what drama-creating behaviors you have imparted on your girl?

[Anonymous]

I did this to a friend in 9th grade due to constant competitiveness (grades, boys, everything). I knew the friendship was not healthy but I didn't know how to pull apart in a kinder, more honest way due to my own immaturity.