DD has an unhealthy relationship with food

[Anonymous]

My anxious teen likes to put on an audiobook and do something with her hands when she feels overwhelmed or antsy. Origami, sewing, model-building, jewelry-making, even painting her nails.

The audiobook keeps her brain from falling into negative patterns, and the activity keeps her hands busy. I think it gives her a sense of satisfaction and a feeling of being in control of something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

No, you are not. You have a whole box of cereal at home. Great if it is an oatmeal box that you have to cook, awful if it is sugar cereal. You had an eating disorder, she is on the way to one.
We have to stop blaming the kids for their food choices when parents provide those food choices! We have pp on the diet forum saying that "it is not my fault I am overweight, it is my thyroid." Sure, ok, but she is 190 lbs when a while ago she was a healthy weight! So, people like that pp are denying responsibility for their own choices. People like you and OP are denying responsibility for your own choices.
They want a treat? Make it a trip to the grocery store, that's what most countries do. No ice cream at home all the time, here is a dollar go buy ice cream at the corner shop. Just the fact that your dd sneaks food is a sign that you have created an eating disorder. My dd has an eating disorder, guess who is to blame? Me and DH!
Every couple of weeks we have someone posting that kids are eating too much, how great that all these kids have their own bank accounts and buy their own food!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

And is your dd overweight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

And is your dd overweight?

Not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

And is your dd overweight?

Not at all.

So what's the big deal then? Why are you worried about the box of cereal? She ate it, she might have needed the calories. What are you worried to try to say as little as possible so she doesn't develop shame around food? How does such a thought even enter your mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

And is your dd overweight?

Not at all.

So what's the big deal then? Why are you worried about the box of cereal? She ate it, she might have needed the calories. What are you worried to try to say as little as possible so she doesn't develop shame around food? How does such a thought even enter your mind?

Wait, are you the person who told me I was horrible for even having a box of cereal in my house? This place is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread where someone blames the kid. But, you are the parent, Are you overweight? What do you cook? What does dad eat and cook?
How does she get to 13 and throws tantrums if there is no pizza she likes?
Here is the food honey, this is what we are eating. Enough is enough, but of course, that would entail you eating healthily and serving healthy foods!

Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

No, you are not. You have a whole box of cereal at home. Great if it is an oatmeal box that you have to cook, awful if it is sugar cereal. You had an eating disorder, she is on the way to one.
We have to stop blaming the kids for their food choices when parents provide those food choices! We have pp on the diet forum saying that "it is not my fault I am overweight, it is my thyroid." Sure, ok, but she is 190 lbs when a while ago she was a healthy weight! So, people like that pp are denying responsibility for their own choices. People like you and OP are denying responsibility for your own choices.
They want a treat? Make it a trip to the grocery store, that's what most countries do. No ice cream at home all the time, here is a dollar go buy ice cream at the corner shop. Just the fact that your dd sneaks food is a sign that you have created an eating disorder. My dd has an eating disorder, guess who is to blame? Me and DH!
Every couple of weeks we have someone posting that kids are eating too much, how great that all these kids have their own bank accounts and buy their own food!

You know just because you are the "cause" doesn't mean every other parent is the "cause"

You are projecting a TON here.

[Anonymous]

Wow. OP here. I am not overweight. Very healthy eating habits and I love to exercise. DH is also not overweight, but is not a healthy with regards to diet or exercise. We do have genes on both sides that could influence weight negatively but not a worry in this case.
We have minimal sweets in our home. She will binge on anything but it is worse of it is a ‘treat’.

When I say a tantrum I am not talking about a 3 year old tantrum, but the fact that her fav pizza is not ordered when we do order pizza impacts her, more than it should. She gets teary. I realize that is not ok or normal (which of course why I am trying to figure it out), but this is not a issue with everything. Actually easygoing in other ways. But food is a trigger for her.

[Anonymous]

Is this new behavior for her or has she always gotten upset when you don't get her preferred foods? And do you force her to eat things she doesn't like?

I ask because my DS2 has some anxiety around food and if he thought he was going to have to eat something he didn't like or hadn't tried before, he would be upset. (He's always been like this, probably related to the severe reflux he had as a baby and the difficulty he had transitioning to solids (he choked and gagged on EVERYTHING until he was well into toddlerhood).

[Anonymous]

Thank PP. She did not have those kind of issues. She doesn't like to try new things. But, while not adventurous she does eat a lot of fruits and vegetables without complaining.

I will look for a therapist again. I feel like she is developing a reliance on food to make her feel better and 1) not sure how to stop it, and 2) worry that I will inadvertently make things worse for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Look. I AM the parent. My kid still struggles with this. No, she does not throw tantrums. (I'm not the OP.) She'll eat just enough balanced food at a family meal that I can't really question her. It's that the next day, I'll find a brand new box of cereal gone. I tell the whole family to portion snacks into a bowl so that food lasts for a few days ... I know she sneaks a lot more. I try to say as little as possible so she doesn't have shame attached to food. I had an eating disorder, and she has a therapist. We're really trying.

I am assuming this is because you cannot afford to buy more food (if it's that you think you should decide how much people are allowed t eat, you are setting her up to binge when she gets the chance, so stop being so controlling). I know we don't want kids to worry about grown-up stuff, but I think there's a way to let kids participate in the family budget. What inexpensive snacks does she like? Home-popped popcorn (not the microwave stuff)? Can she learn to make bread? Can she grow cherry tomatoes now that summer is on the way?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read everyone’s responses but my dd had similar issues. Through her teens she tried weight watchers and counting calories and it didn’t work for her. It turned out that she has insulin resistance which makes her hungry all the time (not saying op’s dd has this - just my dd’s experience). She finally was motivated to do something about her weight on her own and saw a dietitian who is teaching her about healthy eating and she is slowly losing. She also sees a personal trainer. But it all came from her and it didn’t work until she was really really ready to deal with it. Fwiw, she also has anxiety and ocd (under control). Calorie counting doesn’t work with her ocd so her dietician adapted to a system that works for her.

[Anonymous]

Same situation, but I have 4 years on you of this. I know how you feel as the mom, we try to do everything right, cook healthy food, suggest exercise, and all we get from everyone including the child is we have not done enough. Honestly it is wearing on me all these years because I get the brunt of the dc anxiety, tantrums, lashing out. It does get better, but it is a very slow moving train. Covid put us back to almost the beginning, but this time we are moving much quicker. You as the mom, are walking a fine line, and you will age and you will cry, and you will feel like a failure. Hiding food doesn’t help, therapy doesn’t help, and confronting it daily doesn’t help. I pick my battles wisely. But at the end of the day your dc has to make the mountain move not you.

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of food and weight issues and now a daughter, and I don’t plan to try to trick her into anything. I’m going to talk to her a lot about why exercise is healthy and extra weight isn’t, and try to frame food as fuel, but I’m under no illusions that I can gently steer her clear of the genetic and psychological challenges that likely await her.

I guess what I’m saying is you can’t solve this for her by “dragging her to yoga.” She’s old enough to understand the scope of the challenge and the science that we know about but if you try to tell her this is just a thing about moving a little more each day and she will have “fixed” it then I think she will know that is bull.