What explains this kind of behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs professional help, she's unwilling to get it (scared, overwhelmed, can't afford, logistics are too tough, name your reason), and so she's leaning on her brother.

I would say it's actually a form of enabling - as long as she can bend his ear with her stories of woe everyday, she can stay afloat and not get the help she needs or make any changes - but she does need it, as you can tell by the frantic calls when you don't answer.

I suggest that your husband tell her that her issues are very serious, and she needs to talk to a professional. He can volunteer to do the leg work for her (find an AA or Alanon meeting, find an anger management class, find a therapist and make her an appointment, etc, etc for either her or him) BUT can tell her that these issues are way over his head and he can't help her.

Then, when she starts talking about the drinking and anger, he should cut her off and say "Larla, we've talked about this. These are serious issues that I can't help you with. My offer to connect you with a professional or help in any way I can stands, but I don't have any further advice."

She’s calling her husbands brother, not her brother. If he hasn’t told her not to call, or call as much, I’m not sure how she is overstepping?

OP here. DH finally told her to get her act together and she wasn’t happy that he told her off. I don’t think it’s normal to be calling out of state relatives so many times in a day. Or making suggestions to ship a problematic spouse to them.

Of course it's not, but she's desperate, the poor woman. She doesn't see that no one can help her, unless it's get her a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs professional help, she's unwilling to get it (scared, overwhelmed, can't afford, logistics are too tough, name your reason), and so she's leaning on her brother.

I would say it's actually a form of enabling - as long as she can bend his ear with her stories of woe everyday, she can stay afloat and not get the help she needs or make any changes - but she does need it, as you can tell by the frantic calls when you don't answer.

I suggest that your husband tell her that her issues are very serious, and she needs to talk to a professional. He can volunteer to do the leg work for her (find an AA or Alanon meeting, find an anger management class, find a therapist and make her an appointment, etc, etc for either her or him) BUT can tell her that these issues are way over his head and he can't help her.

Then, when she starts talking about the drinking and anger, he should cut her off and say "Larla, we've talked about this. These are serious issues that I can't help you with. My offer to connect you with a professional or help in any way I can stands, but I don't have any further advice."

She’s calling her husbands brother, not her brother. If he hasn’t told her not to call, or call as much, I’m not sure how she is overstepping?

OP here. DH finally told her to get her act together and she wasn’t happy that he told her off. I don’t think it’s normal to be calling out of state relatives so many times in a day. Or making suggestions to ship a problematic spouse to them.

Of course it's not, but she's desperate, the poor woman. She doesn't see that no one can help her, unless it's get her a divorce lawyer.

OP here. We have said we will support her to divorce him but he manipulates her by making suicidal threats and crying etc. She’s gullible but she knew who she married. This is an anonymous forum and I cannot talk about this with anyone else in the family so yes, I posted on DCUM. So what? You can just ignore instead of being a pearl clutcher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overstepping?

As in...running to the internet with the problems directly experienced by a different, grown person?

If your husband wanted to shut that shit down and cease to indulge her, he could. He's grown. He CHOOSES not to.

You have every right to tell him that hearing about all this drama and nonsense upsets you, and please stop telling you about her incessant calls or unreasonable demands. You have every right to set that boundary.

What you don't have a right to do is take it to the streets to try to ask Internet strangers to...diagnose your SIL? "What explains this kind of behavior?" Well, not many of us are psychologists, but...

...as the relative of an alcoholic, having someone you love be an addict is very anxiety-producing. You want to fix it. You want someone else to fix it because you can't. You feel worry and anxiety and hopelessness, and you want your loved ones to help fix it.

It might be helpful to see if your husband would be comfortable suggesting Al-Anon or another support group for relatives of addicts to his sister. Suggest that to him, ONCE then drop it.

YOU need to drop it. If your husband chooses to engage in this drama, that is his choice. You can only control how much you listen to it. And stay off the internet about it.

Seems like your relative got you twisted around their finger. Nothing wrong with the OP posting about this unless she names her SIL lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anxiety, definitely. Also, are you sure MIL isn't pushing this?

Your husband has to tell her to stop calling.

I know women like this and they really just go around and round in circles. Nothing you can do.