Due on my kid's birthday- party?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I don’t want a birthday at all for myself. DD’s big birthday would likely only be 5 kids or so. “Big” to her but not some huge 20 person party.

I think my being due on her birthday also plays into this. I don’t want her to already feel upset about the new baby. Wish baby was due another month, alas I guess I’m only fertile during one time a year basically!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So the other issue is that my other kid's birthday is 4 weeks before DD's and my own birthday is 3 weeks before DD's. We're pretty stacked on birthdays here. Only DD really wants a big party though, my other child doesn't want one and just wants a family party.

My kids birthdays are closer than that, and honestly I have often schedule the one whose birthday is later, for the earlier party, just because that's when things were available. Like DS1 wants his best friend there, and best friend is at the beach that week, so we push it back a month, and then DS2, really wants the water park, but that means we need Dad to be off work to manage the boys changing room thing, and he's only available one weekend this month and it's 3 weeks before kid's birthday.

Really, I don't think it matters. If this is the thing she really wants, I'd work hard to make sure the baby's birthday doesn't disrupt it. "Yay, one of the great things about having a new baby sister or brother is that you can have your party a whole month earl!y! You won't have to wait! Isn't that awesome! Lucky girl!" My kids at 5 would have fallen for that hook line and sinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are still in a pandemic. Spring break and variants could cause a spike in the coming weeks. Small outdoor party the weekend before. Make it up to her in other ways.

Wouldn't this be a reason to have it early? Not delay it for when numbers could be worse?

She's planning a small group outdoor party. A "big" party to a 5 year old doesn't mean a big guest list, it just means a big fuss.

[Anonymous]

My sons have a bday 1 day apart. I had my child’s birthday party 3 weeks in advance. My parents watched DS on his actual birthday and they took him to their church and everyone sang happy birthday to him. I was still in the hospital on his actual birthday. I can’t remember if DS went home for cake. I know DS went home to shower.

[Anonymous]

*DH went home for cake, not DS.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would blame COVID and say we can’t have a big party unless it’s a drive-by. I’d never let my family risk that much exposure with a newborn in the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would blame COVID and say we can’t have a big party unless it’s a drive-by. I’d never let my family risk that much exposure with a newborn in the way.

Op here. We’re all vaccinated or will be by then. Most of my kids’ parents are too. I’m hoping the immunity caries to the newborn. One set of grandparents are vaccinated and the other had covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So the other issue is that my other kid's birthday is 4 weeks before DD's and my own birthday is 3 weeks before DD's. We're pretty stacked on birthdays here. Only DD really wants a big party though, my other child doesn't want one and just wants a family party.

All the more reason to have your 5 year old's party 3-4 weeks early. Either make it a joint playground party for both kids or have your older child's family party on a Friday night, and have the younger one's party at a playground Sunday morning. Stress to all attendees that you do not want any gifts whatsoever so that you don't have to deal with them.

You are an adult, your birthday doesn't matter. You and DH can celebrate that anytime. Have a cupcake for yourself at the kids' party. Nobody else cares, even if it's a milestone birthday, to be blunt.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've commented enough times that it's pretty clear you just don't want to do it, so don't. Tell DD you'll make it up to her next year and do something extra special (buy her a super fancy unicorn cake from a real bakery not the grocery store) and buy her a really awesome present and be done with it. My 5 year old is STILL talking about the amazing cake I made her last year and how she wants the exact same cake this year.

[Anonymous]

Do it early, but make sure you tell her there will still be special stuff on her actual birthday, no matter what happens with the baby.

Then plan a cake or a special outing or her “big” present, something that can be done even if mom and dad can’t be there. Maybe you could record a video well in advance that could be played first thing in the morning, if you’re in the middle of labor and can’t call or FaceTime?

I think as long as she gets the party, when it happens is probably secondary. I’d be more concerned about her feeling like her birthday was overshadowed by the baby (which it will be for years to come, if it arrives on her birthday!). Five is old enough to get super-excited for birthdays, but not quite mature enough to truly be able to swallow that disappointment if everything is upended and her day gets lost in the shuffle. She’d survive, of course. but it might color her attitude toward the new baby for a while.