Why does my mom give me the silent treatment?

[Anonymous]

It's just abuse that you've normalized.

[Anonymous]

Since your question is "Why does she do this" it is because she can.

I gives her control, and she is not accountable for irrational feelings/thoughts/behavior if she doesn't talk to you.

It sucks that your dad probably had a birthday snowed in with someone who is like this.

People who "go silent" can be very loud.

[Anonymous]

To get the reaction she got. She is emotionally immature and wants to cause drama.
FIL does the same. No way should you call her nonstop when she pulls this stunt.
We don't.
FIL would not pick up and then after a week, he would call to tell us he is getting rid of his cell phone, as nobody would even know if he was dead! Immature and manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I always announce plans for birthdays and celebratory occasions so that people (me included) don't feel neglected and aren't left to assume the worst if it doesn't happen. You knew the snow was coming, you could have announced "I won't come in person but I'll call at 10am and we'll celebrate this weekend".

Having said that, it sounds like your father is reasonable and your mother is not. No amount of planning will satisfy her, probably, so it's best to ignore her.

OP didn't do anything wrong. They didn't make plans to do anything in person because of the weather, she called her dad to wish him a happy birthday. He was the only person who had any right to be aggrieved, and he was apparently fine with it. And if OP's mom does this regularly, it's not about the planning or lack thereof, it's about her mom choosing an immature and hurtful way to deal with real or imagined slights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s abuse, and it’s bull. It’s horribly irresponsible and emotionally immature. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean you can’t work to be a better person and love those you care about in a more empowering way.

You are speaking as someone who it sounds like is well versed in psychology and who has either done therapy or has read a lot of self-help books. OP is talking about someone who is either part of the silent generation (pun intended) or baby boomers. Unless she was from an affluent family, I highly doubt she got any therapy and the stigma was huge for some of those folks. OP's mother isn't going to therapy any time soon and her way of coping while possibly immature (we don't know her side) isn't harming OP, unless OP lets it harm her. You cannot expect that generation to magically acquire all the tools and use the right lingo unless they want to. Just meet her where she is and accept that this is her coping style, even if it offends you.

Fair point. Thank you. I don’t have this issue but should I face it, I’ll keep your approach in mind.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to respond to your mother's childish behavior.

I do think that you should have said to your father something like "Since we're all snowed in, how about we come next weekend and take you out to [Steakhouse/Fancy Restaurant] and really do up your birthday." Just in some way discuss firm plans for a postponed celebration.