older siblings who are not married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly OP is asking whether her older brothers are "confirmed bachelors" aka gay. If they wanted you to know, you would.

OP could always gently ask. "How are you? Seeing anyone special?" If the brothers want to share, they can.

I’m the second responding poster, and my family does this. I hate it. If I want you to know, you’ll know.

This. NO ONE, regardless of orientation, likes to be asked if they're seeing anyone special. If they are and wanted you to know, they'd tell you without your asking. If they aren't, the question sounds judgmental or pitying.

One more time for the people in the back: Do not ask someone if they're seeing anyone special. Ever. For any reason.

[Anonymous]

My BIL is the same OP. I never ask specifics. His parents are very homophobic so I assume he is a confirmed bachelor.

[Anonymous]

As a single person, I feel pressured by people always asking if I have met someone, who I am dating, etc.

I don't ask for updates on their marriages every time I see them!

[Anonymous]

Do not ask and do not interfere.

I have a sibling in their 30s who is gay. Most of the family (Catholic)don't know. And if they suspect, they don't say.

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly OP is asking whether her older brothers are "confirmed bachelors" aka gay. If they wanted you to know, you would.

Unless they think she would not be OK with it, and she would and wishes they felt like they could be open with her.

In which case, open a conversation, and be willing to open up, too, OP: "Do you ever wonder how our lives would have been different if Mom & Dad had raised us in a different denomination?"

[Anonymous]

I am a female in my late 30s, single, and decidedly not a lesbian and very much like men. I learned a while ago to not discuss my personal life with my family, as it never leads to anywhere good. I've also started to limit how much I tell my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you refer to sex as "dating" and xyz suggests to me that they would absolutely not talk to you about this stuff. They are almost certainly dating and sexually active, but I don't know a lot of guys who talk about their sex lives with their younger sisters, let alone younger sisters who can't bring themselves to use the word "sex."

OK, Gotcha so they are and I don't need to know more about it! I don't want to know details....LA LA LA LA. No need to elaborate.

You know at least one of them is [drumroll] gay, right?

[Anonymous]

I'm 44 and single. I don't date or xyz.
I have one cousin in her late 40's and one in her early 50's who are single and I don't think they date or xyz either.

We're not religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you refer to sex as "dating" and xyz suggests to me that they would absolutely not talk to you about this stuff. They are almost certainly dating and sexually active, but I don't know a lot of guys who talk about their sex lives with their younger sisters, let alone younger sisters who can't bring themselves to use the word "sex."

OK, Gotcha so they are and I don't need to know more about it! I don't want to know details....LA LA LA LA. No need to elaborate.

if you want to be taken seriously and have adult conversations with adults, you need to seriously grow up first and behave like an adult.

[Anonymous]

You also realize that being in their 30s and single is not a shocker anymore and that’s whether guy or girl, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly OP is asking whether her older brothers are "confirmed bachelors" aka gay. If they wanted you to know, you would.

Mind blown. I never made the connection. Now I have a zillion old novels to reread.

[Anonymous]

You don't say if your parents are still around, but if there is something they know their parents wouldn't approve of (whether that is cohabitating, dating someone of a different religion/race/gender, or polyamory), they may hold back from telling anyone who might share that info with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You also realize that being in their 30s and single is not a shocker anymore and that’s whether guy or girl, right?

Hahaha-yeah, really. Omg it's crazy to me how there are so many people out there who think that there's something strange about being single (at any age). So antiquated. I actually feel sorry that their worldview is so narrow. It's shocking to some that there are people who actually *gasp* enjoy being single and don't want to be in a relationship. These are often the same people who can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to have kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You also realize that being in their 30s and single is not a shocker anymore and that’s whether guy or girl, right?

Hahaha-yeah, really. Omg it's crazy to me how there are so many people out there who think that there's something strange about being single (at any age). So antiquated. I actually feel sorry that their worldview is so narrow. It's shocking to some that there are people who actually *gasp* enjoy being single and don't want to be in a relationship. These are often the same people who can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to have kids, etc.

I do think it is unusual if you are in your thirties and you have never been in a relationship that anyone in your family knows about.