Does anyone have a parent who financially takes care of another family member?

[Anonymous]

My aunt is responsible for my cousin who is severely mentally disabled and unable to live on his own. Over the years, they have set aside money to continue his care. My cousin will inherit that responsibility when my aunt can no longer do it (uncle died last year). Cousin is 50-ish so this is a long-term commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking about an adult with a disability who cannot support themselves or another elderly family member or just an adult child who never moved out of the basement?

I think the answers will be different depending on the scenario.

No, no disability, just refusal to work until about 50, and now catching up. It’s sisters if that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother completely supports my adult mentally ill sister who should be institutionalized. She thinks she is helping her but it isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

In your mother’s defense institutionalization doesn’t really exist anymore.

+1 I am really surprised PP is not more aware of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two much-younger baby siblings who I will support as a UMC parent would, should my parents pass. They’re good kids and I love them, and they deserve the same advantages I’ll give my own kids.

I’m doing the same for my younger siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:in laws support their adult son who can’t hold down a job or relationship.

Mine too. He is a BPD with severe addiction/alcoholism issues. My ILs are in a bad shape healthwise but they have given entire property to my BIL. We won't be helping him. We do help out his estranged and separated wife and my niece and advocate to my ILs to give my SIL and niece piece of the property instead letting a mentally insane and addicted person control it and spend it on prostitutes and con women. Its an utter mess.

[Anonymous]

My mom gives some financial support but a lot of medical/daily living support to her brother, who is an unstable alcoholic. My mom is older but they are less than 2 years apart in age and were always very close, even with his problems. He’s twice divorced and both ex-wives (one he had kids with the other no) are also still in the picture and vaguely “around,” for good or for ill, and he has a girlfriend too. I think he gets most of his financial support from his adult children/my cousins. My dad hates it but what can you do, this has always been the case as long as they’ve been married.

[Anonymous]

My parents support my adult sister, who is definitely on the spectrum. Although she will not consent to a diagnosis, it is clear she has what was formerly known as Aspergers Syndrome.

She lives with them, and when they die, there will be a trust set aside for her. I am responsible for signing off on her expenses through the trust. I don’t know where she will live, but I will find her a condo or something similar. She has hoarding tendencies, so I am not looking forward to managing and overseeing that. It stresses me out when I think about it, but evidently for high functioning adults there are really not resources available. She is too high functioning to qualify for anything yet incapable of living on her own.

[Anonymous]

My mom has been supporting my brother for the past 5 years because he has been unemployed and unemployable because of he is above 55 yrs old. He will not take any money from his siblings. I am in the situation to finance him for at least a couple of years but he does not want that. He is now switched careers and is making decent amount of money in the last few months. Lets hope it all works out ok. He has no retirement or pension. He will continue to work his whole life. My heart hurts for him. He is the most hardworking, honest, kind and intelligent person. He did not deserve this.

[Anonymous]

If my mom’s partner survives her, I will want to help him get settled in with one of his kids and not rush him out of our family home, but I also don’t think I can honor my mom’s wishes to let him stay there as long as he wants to as it would be me and my sibling paying property taxes and other upkeep costs. He’s a great guy and I’m happy to help him out, but don’t think I’m able to let him have my childhood home indefinitely. (Especially because I wouldn’t put it past one of his sons to move in to help and then claim squatters rights or something like that.)

[Anonymous]

My mom helps support my brother and a cousin (who lost his mom as a young teen). Other sibs and I have already decided to let him have whatever is available financially. If he needed support we would help either of them.