Emails only to DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools that dc applied to are sending 90% of follow-up emails only to him. I don't have access to his email and all I can do is ask whether he is getting communications about financial aid, the need for more information/documentation, etc. He says no and usually stomps out of the room but I don't believe it to be true. I understand he will be an adult soon and will need to keep on top of these things once he goes off to college but can't stop thinking he is screwing himself out of money, etc. because he is being so lazy. Just let him deal with the consequences of being at community college because he missed deadlines? His attitude is making me question whether he even wants to go to college.

My DD has ADHD and we are having a similar experience. I find that texting works better than face to face communication for stressful issues. When she's hanging out in her room relaxing, I send her a reminder text and she responds, eventually.

[Anonymous]

I think he’s afraid. Ask him to just make a spreadsheet to share with you and he can work on it when he’s in the frame of mind. Emotions are really high now with everything going on. If he doesn’t want to talk, let him type the info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get the password ffs.

Yes. I did this. Because at the end of the day, the financial aid part affects me. I do agree that this is a weaning process, but that process involves involvement where it could damage your kid, or you. It's like, ok, we are teaching our kid to swim by themselves. It's not like we throw them in the pool and walk away. We first are in the water holding them, then nearby, then the next step is to be out on the side and watching, not out on the side and not looking at all or off getting a beer

[Anonymous]

OP - you’re far from alone. My DS is doing this too, and I’ve talked with the moms of two of his friends from school, they report the same thing.

I’ve had to resort to the scheduling 15 minutes with him thing to go over emails. But he’s still missing some deadlines. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe visiting a school will help. Some kids have zero conception of what college is.

Schools aren't doing tours right now. There's a pandemic.

You don’t need a tour to visit a school. Use common sense. Wear a mask. Keep appropriate distance. Don’t lick the lampposts and you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, no. He’s about to go to college. He needs to learn the lesson the hard way if he can’t get his shit together.

While I agree a kid this age should be more responsible, this is bad advice. It is the worst time and the worst subject to "teach your kid a lesson" about.

[Anonymous]

Mine wound up at a school that’s not a great fit bc they had limited capacity to deal with the process. They also - passively, I think- didn’t want to deal with the family stress about money. Result: At an extremely affordable state university and learning to manage themself, with lots of bumps along the way. I couldn’t strong arm a Type B kid into a Type A kid, and... they’re going to be OK. As a parent I still have to work on celebrating the successes instead of dwelling on perceived shortcomings. We did insist on access to the U’s billing system on their account if we were going to pay tuition. Two years in, kid will never be Type A but shows gratitude for support while trying to keep balanced distance from overly interested parent. Also, as said, doing OK on their own terms. With limited capacity for accepting advice, we can’t protect them from themself. Yeah, don’t love this part of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools that dc applied to are sending 90% of follow-up emails only to him. I don't have access to his email and all I can do is ask whether he is getting communications about financial aid, the need for more information/documentation, etc. He says no and usually stomps out of the room but I don't believe it to be true. I understand he will be an adult soon and will need to keep on top of these things once he goes off to college but can't stop thinking he is screwing himself out of money, etc. because he is being so lazy. Just let him deal with the consequences of being at community college because he missed deadlines? His attitude is making me question whether he even wants to go to college.

There is almost nothing you can do if your son won't cooperate.

I would be as clear as humanly possible that he cannot attend any school where he didn't do his best to bring the price down. No aid form, you don't pay.

[Anonymous]

Set up a special gmail account for college communications and there is a function you can enable that forwards all emails sent to the gmail account to another (your) email. This way you can keep track without bothering DC. Then when DC goes off to college, the forwarding can be disabled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe visiting a school will help. Some kids have zero conception of what college is.

Schools aren't doing tours right now. There's a pandemic.

You don’t need a tour to visit a school. Use common sense. Wear a mask. Keep appropriate distance. Don’t lick the lampposts and you will be fine.

It won’t drive anything home to a teen. They are ghost towns.