Ethically non monogamous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women consent to open relationships due to the unequal balance of power in a marriage.

Many men are forced to accept it as well unless he wants to lose half of everything he as worked for.
When there is a stay-at-home spouse that person has all the power because they have contributed little to the finances but they will be considered by the Court to have a 50% stake in all assets. Also if there were kids then the stay-at-home can use that to say they are more involved with the kids and therefore should get more than 50% custody which means more $$

What freaking planet do you come from? Being a SAHM parent means you have ZERO power. You don't have a career. You don't have your own health benefits or retirement. You are directly dependent on your spouse for those things. It's why women stay in awful situations and marriages.

Divorced women never end up better off financially. They will have to get a job. Alimony is very limited--often just granted a year or 3 at most. Child support runs out when kids turn 18 and often is not at the level you think it is.

This is some really backassw*ard thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because everyone involved is fully aware and is happy with the situation.

Not everyone has the same value system as you. I know a couple who are like this. Married. The husband also sleeps with men casually on the side. The wife is completely aware of this, and fine with it - this has been the case from the beginning of their relationship. It’s not a hypocritical situation. He would be fine if she had other partners, but she has no interest in that. They have a very healthy sex life and are very happily married, almost 20 years now.

Surely you can see that ethically, the husbands other sex partners are in a much better situation that the partners of someone who was sneaking around behind his wife’s back!!

He sleeps with men too what about aids? What about stds? Herpes is a skin on skin disease. That man must be rich for the wife to allow such promiscuity. And married happily 20 yrs? Something is off. Do the kids know their daddy is bi or a cuckold?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because everyone involved is fully aware and is happy with the situation.

Not everyone has the same value system as you. I know a couple who are like this. Married. The husband also sleeps with men casually on the side. The wife is completely aware of this, and fine with it - this has been the case from the beginning of their relationship. It’s not a hypocritical situation. He would be fine if she had other partners, but she has no interest in that. They have a very healthy sex life and are very happily married, almost 20 years now.

Surely you can see that ethically, the husbands other sex partners are in a much better situation that the partners of someone who was sneaking around behind his wife’s back!!

He sleeps with men too what about aids? What about stds? Herpes is a skin on skin disease. That man must be rich for the wife to allow such promiscuity. And married happily 20 yrs? Something is off. Do the kids know their daddy is bi or a cuckold?

Non-monogamous woman here. Highly selective, so I just found 2 new partners who are the first outside my husband in many years.

Typically, there is a lot of conversation about safer sex practices and everyone's level of risk tolerance. Everyone gets a full STI panel (including a blood test for herpes antibodies) before any action.

As with monogamous people, children shouldn't be exposed to the details of any parent's sex life.

Just as with dating as a single person, new partners are only introduced with care and judiciousness and interactions between adults should be PG (IMO a hug or a quick peck) while hanging with the family.

[Anonymous]

^men can’t be tested for HPV.

And your typical STD panel at a clinic only performs urine and blood samples so women aren’t tested either most likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because everyone involved is fully aware and is happy with the situation.

Not everyone has the same value system as you. I know a couple who are like this. Married. The husband also sleeps with men casually on the side. The wife is completely aware of this, and fine with it - this has been the case from the beginning of their relationship. It’s not a hypocritical situation. He would be fine if she had other partners, but she has no interest in that. They have a very healthy sex life and are very happily married, almost 20 years now.

Surely you can see that ethically, the husbands other sex partners are in a much better situation that the partners of someone who was sneaking around behind his wife’s back!!

He sleeps with men too what about aids? What about stds? Herpes is a skin on skin disease. That man must be rich for the wife to allow such promiscuity. And married happily 20 yrs? Something is off. Do the kids know their daddy is bi or a cuckold?

Non-monogamous woman here. Highly selective, so I just found 2 new partners who are the first outside my husband in many years.

Typically, there is a lot of conversation about safer sex practices and everyone's level of risk tolerance. Everyone gets a full STI panel (including a blood test for herpes antibodies) before any action.

As with monogamous people, children shouldn't be exposed to the details of any parent's sex life.

Just as with dating as a single person, new partners are only introduced with care and judiciousness and interactions between adults should be PG (IMO a hug or a quick peck) while hanging with the family.

Lady- if you think you can hide anything from teens you are a complete idiot. They usually discover the cheating before their betrayed parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago my husband and I had an open relationship with another couple at a time when it was called swinging. We weren’t the instigators of the relationship and it just happened over time as we traveled a lot together and partied pretty hard. It ended when they moved outside the country and we just decided that once was enough and we wanted to start a family. That was over 25 years ago and monogamy has worked just fine for us since then.

This sounds really good, just good friends who occasionally switch rooms a few times during the trip; how wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because everyone involved is fully aware and is happy with the situation.

Not everyone has the same value system as you. I know a couple who are like this. Married. The husband also sleeps with men casually on the side. The wife is completely aware of this, and fine with it - this has been the case from the beginning of their relationship. It’s not a hypocritical situation. He would be fine if she had other partners, but she has no interest in that. They have a very healthy sex life and are very happily married, almost 20 years now.

Surely you can see that ethically, the husbands other sex partners are in a much better situation that the partners of someone who was sneaking around behind his wife’s back!!

He sleeps with men too what about aids? What about stds? Herpes is a skin on skin disease. That man must be rich for the wife to allow such promiscuity. And married happily 20 yrs? Something is off. Do the kids know their daddy is bi or a cuckold?

No kids and they don’t want kids. I haven’t asked, but I assume regular STD tests are standard, and I’m sure he’s on PrEP. Neither person is wealthy. And I don’t think this is a like five new people a weekend kind of situation - I think more like one or two a year. They are incredibly well matched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ethical as long as everyone, including the person being brought into the situation, is aware of the situation.

+1 I dated a guy in an open marriage when I was single. I talked to his wife right off the bat to make sure it wasn't BS, and we had a great time. No strings for me, no hassle for him.

The thing is, inside of their relationship it was constant (and exhausting-sounding to me, if we're being honest) open communication and renegotiation and ensuring everyone was 10000% okay with everything that happened on each other's dates. It's nothing like the "declare the marriage open!" guy wants to believe in his fever dreams about all the free love he's missing out on. You have to have an extremely healthy relationship to make it work, which is why a lot of people who go "open" as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage end up divorcing anyway. Not because non-monogamy is inherently wrong, but because it won't work inside of, and certainly can't fix, a marriage with communication problems.

I got pissed last month because I am ENM and so was the guy I qas dating, but his wife and her boyfriend's opinions had less weight than mine. They were overly communicating about me and others, but not communicating to me. He lied to me about going on a date with another chick during covid and I said no thanks. When uou tell me you are doing a project and MIA for the night only to come home hours later and tell me it was a date and want to talk about it for hours, ugh. Wife and her BF got to approve it. I did not. Done with that.

[Anonymous]

^ really? Did you expect any less. You are dating someone morally ambiguous. ENM is bogus sh@t. It’s a way to say I’m a male or female slut that screws as many people as possible. Somebody thinking with their genitals isn’t concerned about Covid. They must likely are lying about safe sex as well.

Lesson learned. Now go forward expecting more for yourself than dating a married cheater.

[Anonymous]

Non-monogamous woman here. Highly selective, so I just found 2 new partners who are the first outside my husband in many years.

Typically, there is a lot of conversation about safer sex practices and everyone's level of risk tolerance. Everyone gets a full STI panel (including a blood test for herpes antibodies) before any action.

As with monogamous people, children shouldn't be exposed to the details of any parent's sex life.

Just as with dating as a single person, new partners are only introduced with care and judiciousness and interactions between adults should be PG (IMO a hug or a quick peck) while hanging with the family.

This is insane. The big difference here is that neither of the parents is single so should not be introducing new partners who gang out with the family to their kids!

[Anonymous]

We did this for a while. It was a lot of work. I’ll say for those who say that the wives are coerced... usually women in polyamorous / ethically non-monogamous communities have more and better dating options than attached men. The men often end up frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ really? Did you expect any less. You are dating someone morally ambiguous. ENM is bogus sh@t. It’s a way to say I’m a male or female slut that screws as many people as possible. Somebody thinking with their genitals isn’t concerned about Covid. They must likely are lying about safe sex as well.

Lesson learned. Now go forward expecting more for yourself than dating a married cheater.

Having multiple partners is not morally ambiguous. Even monogamous couples lie and cheat. It's the lying and the cheating that can still happen with ENM relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this for a while. It was a lot of work. I’ll say for those who say that the wives are coerced... usually women in polyamorous / ethically non-monogamous communities have more and better dating options than attached men. The men often end up frustrated.

This is so true! It's the men who suggest non-monogamy, but it's the women who love it once they get a taste of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did this for a while. It was a lot of work. I’ll say for those who say that the wives are coerced... usually women in polyamorous / ethically non-monogamous communities have more and better dating options than attached men. The men often end up frustrated.

This is so true! It's the men who suggest non-monogamy, but it's the women who love it once they get a taste of it.

It's incredible. I have really good options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many women consent to open relationships due to the unequal balance of power in a marriage.

And when this happens, it’s not consent, it’s coercion.