African American Experience at Maret

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people don't think that kids self-segregate by race without direction, they should read the pertinent chapter in Nurture Shock, and/or the research underlying it. The research shows that kids of all races absolutely do this absent direction and discussion.

At the private school I attended back in the day, AA students did segregate by race, for example eating lunch together. I think there are ways to combat this, but my school certainly did not do it 25+ years ago. So, 10:28, your kid's school seems to be doing a good job. You should name the school, no reason not to.

OP's question is certainly valid, and it's unfortunate that others who have no idea what OP's experience might be like are questioning it.

I agree with you up to a point. Mother of 2 AA children attending a DC private. I've noticed that AA students of a higher socio-economic status and biracial-AA students, in general, do not self-segregate by race without direction.

[Anonymous]

10:28 again -- DC attends NCS. I may be deluded of course. I've never been to the lunch room. But when I think about my daughter's friends, and the way kids clump together at the school events I have been to, I don't see self-segregation. My point was that asking about it is an absolutely valid question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my question here is concerned about kids segregating themselves according to race, more than would normally be expected. interested in what current parents have to say on whether or not this is the case.

How could one school have this happening? Are you saying the administration/teachers may not be good about making the children all play together? Sounds silly. Or are you saying that Maret is recruiting racist parents?? OKAY...yeah that must be it!! Dumb question..NEXT....

To be clear, I am not suggesting a reason, or even asking for an explanation. only trying to find out if whether the behavior exists at Maret mor than normally would be expected. someone else above suggested reaching out to the school for an answer which I certainly will do (i appreciate their thoughtful response). Just thought I could get some additional information in this forum.

[Anonymous]

What do you think Maret will tell you and what do you want to hear? Do you have non AA friends or has your child been exposed to non AA children? If not then yes it will be a problem. It seems at my DD's school children do stay in groups by race and it has nothing to do with economic status. My daughter has been exposed to all races and still sort of sticks with the other AA kids. Not that she doesn't have white friends, because she has plenty. I think it is a certain comfort level. I noticed the one day she had to attend after care where she really didn't know any of the other kids and how she went right towards the group of AA girls as oppossed to the group of white girls playing on the floor. It doesn't bother me as long as everyone is happy and nobody is intentionally left out. We have not had that problem at all. I think she just has more in common in the AA girls even though most come from money (we don't)!! We are not at Maret but another school often metioned on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think Maret will tell you and what do you want to hear? Do you have non AA friends or has your child been exposed to non AA children? If not then yes it will be a problem. It seems at my DD's school children do stay in groups by race and it has nothing to do with economic status. My daughter has been exposed to all races and still sort of sticks with the other AA kids. Not that she doesn't have white friends, because she has plenty. I think it is a certain comfort level. I noticed the one day she had to attend after care where she really didn't know any of the other kids and how she went right towards the group of AA girls as oppossed to the group of white girls playing on the floor. It doesn't bother me as long as everyone is happy and nobody is intentionally left out. We have not had that problem at all. I think she just has more in common in the AA girls even though most come from money (we don't)!! We are not at Maret but another school often metioned on this board.

PP, same with my daughter who is at NCS. She also has lots of friends of different races, but is most comfortable with her AA friends.

[Anonymous]

Not a Maret parent and not AA, but this is a fascinating question. At the schools my kids have attended, there have not been enough AA kids for them to self segregate, so it was never an issue. I think most people assumed that was a bad thing -- that there wasn't enough diversity -- but maybe having more diversity leads to the result of less racial mixing? What is the solution?

[Anonymous]

Do not believe this crap about kids self-segregation. My AA DD has been attending multi racial schools and daycare since she was 2yrs old. She plays with everyone boys, girls Asia, Black, White, Hispanic and disabled. If these children are taught to be caring and nice and the teachers are promoting and encouraging this type of behavior THERE WILL BE NP's.

Case in point my DD started K at new school Fall of 09' and I began having complaints from one of her teachers about how honest she is, yes my DD has not quit learned how to disguise the truth yet, anyway she was scratched across the face by another girl of another ethnic background and when I approached the teacher about it she brushed it off, when I persued the matter more the teacher blerted out "well ur daughter knows how to push peoples buttons" I stated to her that no matter what was said this child did not have the right to assault my DD. That was yesterday and today I have began looking for a new school.

To make a long story short, sometimes it is not the school it may be the teacher!!!

[Anonymous]

Even at activities outside of school like gymnastics, ballet and soccer my DD tends to gravitate towards the other AA girls. I'm sure the white and Asian parents will tell you the same thing. My daughter at 7 years old has never made mention that any of the other girls have made her feel sad or left her out. Everyone gets along great it is the common element that bonds them together. There is nothing wrong with a group of friends sitting together at lunch. The problem only comes when someone says that you can't sit with them or exclude them for no other reason then skin color. We haven't had that problem and I noticed that when some of her AA friends are out that day she goes to another group and is just fine. I cannot see Maret being any different and it is good that you are reaching out to other AA parents, but you shouldn't judge the school by a lunch table! You will find once the children are allowed to sit whereever they want there will be groupings by race and other things (jocks, etc). It even happpens at my job. We all get along great but at lunch time, the Asians sit together, the AA that do a bible study sit together, the AA's that don't do bibel study sit together,etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a Maret parent and not AA, but this is a fascinating question. At the schools my kids have attended, there have not been enough AA kids for them to self segregate, so it was never an issue. I think most people assumed that was a bad thing -- that there wasn't enough diversity -- but maybe having more diversity leads to the result of less racial mixing? What is the solution?

Some AA children will fit into these environments just fine and some will not so easily make friends. They'll feel isolated only being one of a few. This tends to happen, if the child has no/limited experiences with other races of children.

[Anonymous]

My co-worker's daughter went to Maret (she is AA) and had a great experience. They decided to send their younger kids to Wilson and she says that she experiences so much more racism at Wilson than she ever did at Maret. This is b/c the teachers at Wilson seem to have low expectations of all the AA students, even though her child is in the honors program. Whereas at Maret, they knew her daughter was smart and capable. She is out of college and quite successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people don't think that kids self-segregate by race without direction, they should read the pertinent chapter in Nurture Shock, and/or the research underlying it. The research shows that kids of all races absolutely do this absent direction and discussion.

At the private school I attended back in the day, AA students did segregate by race, for example eating lunch together. I think there are ways to combat this, but my school certainly did not do it 25+ years ago. So, 10:28, your kid's school seems to be doing a good job. You should name the school, no reason not to.

OP's question is certainly valid, and it's unfortunate that others who have no idea what OP's experience might be like are questioning it.

OMG, is there anything that Nurture Shock doesn't answer?

It's like the DCUM bible, despite the mixed reviews of how truly scientific it is.

[Anonymous]

I am most interested in the "more than would be expected" portion of your original question. If you expect some self-segregation what would the "more" be? Can you give specific examples?

[Anonymous]

I am not OP, not AA, nor a Maret parent, but wow, some of you PPs, could you have not been more rude? What is up? Segregation isn't always Bull Connor and snarling dogs.

OP, good luck with the next steps in the process. If Maret is your first choice and DC is admitted, hope that you are able to get answers to some of your questions.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am AA and my kids go to private schools (not Maret). I know 4 or 5 AA families with kids at Maret, from lower school to high school, and all the children love it there. Sure, there may be some self-segregation among the older kids (and there is at all the private schools, to some extent), but I don't think it's because of any feelings of discomfort or isolation. From what I know about Maret, I think it's a very nurturing and friendly enviroment. Good luck! I may look into it for high school for my middle schooler.

[Anonymous]

I am a Maret student, and I hope I can answer your questions. I am not AA, so I can't talk about what it's like having that experience, but I have several close friends who are either AA or other minorities. In Lower and Middle school, there was little to no segregation among kids along racial lines. The class size was simply too small for that and I don't think it ever happened; people made friends with whomever. However, as I've gotten older and the more people have joined the grade, I have noticed this trend has become more apparent. I can't compare the amount of segregation at Maret to other schools because I've never attended another school, but it does not seem to me that there is more than average. There are no students who are only friends with people of their own race. And the fact that self-segregation only began occurring as we got older and got new students seems to me to mean that it is not a function of the school, but of the way high school students act today.

Maret is also a very open place to discuss any discomfort people have about social issues like this. For the past couple weeks there has been an optional lunch meeting to discus race relations and next Thursday we will have a "Mixed Forum" held after school. Teachers, students, and parents can attend the Mixed Forum to discuss the topic, which is "Relations across Differences" this year. Last year it was the sexualization of the media. We also have an active club called Diversity at Maret. I actually hear students discussing the social dynamic across races, which makes the environment more comfortable and accepting.

The clubs and discussions I just mentioned are for Upper School students, but I have noticed an increase in diversity among Lower School students. I think Maret has been doing a good job of creating a school where these "awkward situations" you speak of are becoming increasingly infrequent.

I hope this helps and I hope your child goes to Maret!