Outgoing friendly kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she was politely trying to tell you to manage your kid, or at least to indicate to you that the behavior was out of the norm. Some adults don’t really want to be approached by kids they don’t know. It can be hard to get out of the conversation, sometimes you’re confused about whether the kid needs help or something, and you’re trying to watch your own child. Just wanted to give you an honest response. It often helps to remember that random strangers don’t find your child as charming as you do.

OP - Sigh. There are so many antisocial people here that I really should have prefaced this post by saying the mom and I ended up chatting for awhile with her asking my kids names, ages, schools, etc. As I mentioned, I was intervening to make sure my kids weren’t being annoying. Obviously if she gave me antisocial vibes I would’ve kept them away.

My question I guess was I just see my kids as my kids and don’t really understand how they came out extroverted. I guess I’ve also really never understood the kids who hung behind their parents legs and didn’t know if it was nature or nurture. And since my kids are young, I don’t know how these traits manifest in adults and how they impact their future success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she was politely trying to tell you to manage your kid, or at least to indicate to you that the behavior was out of the norm. Some adults don’t really want to be approached by kids they don’t know. It can be hard to get out of the conversation, sometimes you’re confused about whether the kid needs help or something, and you’re trying to watch your own child. Just wanted to give you an honest response. It often helps to remember that random strangers don’t find your child as charming as you do.

OP - Sigh. There are so many antisocial people here that I really should have prefaced this post by saying the mom and I ended up chatting for awhile with her asking my kids names, ages, schools, etc. As I mentioned, I was intervening to make sure my kids weren’t being annoying. Obviously if she gave me antisocial vibes I would’ve kept them away.

My question I guess was I just see my kids as my kids and don’t really understand how they came out extroverted. I guess I’ve also really never understood the kids who hung behind their parents legs and didn’t know if it was nature or nurture. And since my kids are young, I don’t know how these traits manifest in adults and how they impact their future success.

Sigh- typical DCUM adding more details to make your OP look better.

[Anonymous]

OP are you from the midwest? I don't see your kid as friendly. I see her as possibly friendly but also possibly not reading social cues. When I was nursing my youngest daughter at a playground while watching my oldest daughter play, I did not find the 7 yr old boy who ran up and stared at my boob and asking me questions "does it hurt? does the baby know it's a boob?" to be outgoing and friendly, but annoying and intrusive.

Outgoing and friendly is when someone near them drops something and they pick it up, and hand it back with "Here you go!" and a smile. Or when you're all ordering food at a restaurant and when the waitress comes back to deliver drinks says "Your earrings are really pretty."

[Anonymous]

OP-- Are you being genuine when you ask whether being able to talk to other people is a good trait? I find it hard to believe that you don't know this is a good thing. Now it is not so good if your child can't communicate well with peers. But that is not what you are asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you from the midwest? I don't see your kid as friendly. I see her as possibly friendly but also possibly not reading social cues. When I was nursing my youngest daughter at a playground while watching my oldest daughter play, I did not find the 7 yr old boy who ran up and stared at my boob and asking me questions "does it hurt? does the baby know it's a boob?" to be outgoing and friendly, but annoying and intrusive.

Outgoing and friendly is when someone near them drops something and they pick it up, and hand it back with "Here you go!" and a smile. Or when you're all ordering food at a restaurant and when the waitress comes back to deliver drinks says "Your earrings are really pretty."

OP - except then would you start a conversation with the 7 year old’s mom and ask a lot of questions about the family?

No we are not in the Midwest.

I guess I’m unsure if it’s a good thing because I’m wondering how it translates to adulthood. Are they extroverted because they’re confident and feel good about themselves? Or are they extra inquisitive and can’t hold back asking questions? I just view them as my kids and when the other mom pointed this out I wasn’t sure if I should say thank you or what.

[Anonymous]

My older son is extremely extroverted and comfortable talking to adults. He greets his preschool friends' parents by their first names at pick up and drop off. It's hilarious to me because I'm completely socially awkward and shy and so his outgoingness makes me feel uncomfortable by extension.

But the last thread about this in DCUM, someone pointed out that it can be indicative that your child is on the spectrum. I don't know if there's any truth to that.

[Anonymous]

It is innate in that your kid is extraverted.

It is learned in that your kid is comfy with talking to adults. It means that you talk to him, your adult family/friends talk to him, and he feels safe, secure and confident that he can speak up and be listened to! So good job, mom.

Fwiw, I was once glommed onto by a child at the playground. The kid would not stop asking me questions, asking for help (to get up on a swing, to tie a shoe, etc) and generally chattering. I was looking around, asked him where his mom or nanny was. I realized the kid was anxious because his caregiver was totally checked out and he missed his mom. It was sad, and totally different than what OP is saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:eh I could totally be that mom and say " it's fine" because really your daughter is 7 and I imagine within hearing range and I would not want to hurt her feelings. Is a short hello exchange fine, sure. Do I want to engage another person's child, while I watch my toddler and wonder when it's going to end. Ha, ha I know that sounds harsh but it's fine usually means it was fine, but maybe time to wrap up shop. Does anyone want to answer more kid questions from a stranger's child after being quarantined/cooped up with their own kids for months? Tell me I am not alone with wanting a break from all the kid chatter. I say this lovingly OP.

I feel this way but I'm an introvert! My extrovert child might not when he grows up. She is wired that way. 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you from the midwest? I don't see your kid as friendly. I see her as possibly friendly but also possibly not reading social cues. When I was nursing my youngest daughter at a playground while watching my oldest daughter play, I did not find the 7 yr old boy who ran up and stared at my boob and asking me questions "does it hurt? does the baby know it's a boob?" to be outgoing and friendly, but annoying and intrusive.

Outgoing and friendly is when someone near them drops something and they pick it up, and hand it back with "Here you go!" and a smile. Or when you're all ordering food at a restaurant and when the waitress comes back to deliver drinks says "Your earrings are really pretty."

OP - except then would you start a conversation with the 7 year old’s mom and ask a lot of questions about the family?

No we are not in the Midwest.

I guess I’m unsure if it’s a good thing because I’m wondering how it translates to adulthood. Are they extroverted because they’re confident and feel good about themselves? Or are they extra inquisitive and can’t hold back asking questions? I just view them as my kids and when the other mom pointed this out I wasn’t sure if I should say thank you or what.

You can't possibly know what kind of adults your kids will turn into. Just assume everyone means the best and say thank you. You're giving this WAY too much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an introvert raising an extrovert. I guarantee you that there’s nothing I did that caused my dd to be extremely outgoing and friendly. That’s just how she came to me. Her social instincts are completely different than mine.

I don’t think any trait is good or bad. The world needs and has room for all kinds of people.

Same here. I have two DCs. One is an introvert and the other is an extreme extrovert. Same parents, live in the same household, etc., but extroverted DC chats up everyone they see, and has since they could talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an introvert raising an extrovert. I guarantee you that there’s nothing I did that caused my dd to be extremely outgoing and friendly. That’s just how she came to me. Her social instincts are completely different than mine.

I don’t think any trait is good or bad. The world needs and has room for all kinds of people.

This 100%. My husband is an extrovert, I'm an introvert, we have one of each (two kids). It's absolutely innate.

Exactly the same for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she was politely trying to tell you to manage your kid, or at least to indicate to you that the behavior was out of the norm. Some adults don’t really want to be approached by kids they don’t know. It can be hard to get out of the conversation, sometimes you’re confused about whether the kid needs help or something, and you’re trying to watch your own child. Just wanted to give you an honest response. It often helps to remember that random strangers don’t find your child as charming as you do.

OP I think your reading comprehension is poor. As I said, I was coming up to get my daughter so she wouldn’t annoy the parent. The parent assured me she was fine. She also said that any parent at the playground who didn’t want to talk to kids shouldn’t be there, so I don’t think she was politely telling me to manage my daughter who was making conversation.

Op it’s an innate trait with pros and cons just like being introverted or tending to be a night owl or an early bird. I suspect this is a veiled brag/fishing for people to tel you how charming and successful your kids will be. And maybe they will be! But maybe they will be dense blowhards who talk too much. Introversion/extroversion itself is not a positive or negaitive trait and not is it attributable to your parenting.

[Anonymous]

Behavior that might be perceived as annoying by an introvert parent might be considered totally fine by an extrovert parent. An introvert might be annoyed by a gregarious 7 year old; an extrovert might enjoy the conversation. Those of you trying to convince OP that her daughter really was "fine" or was actually annoying the other parent are totally projecting. But I'm inclined to take parents at their word when I talk to them/ask them something at the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she was politely trying to tell you to manage your kid, or at least to indicate to you that the behavior was out of the norm. Some adults don’t really want to be approached by kids they don’t know. It can be hard to get out of the conversation, sometimes you’re confused about whether the kid needs help or something, and you’re trying to watch your own child. Just wanted to give you an honest response. It often helps to remember that random strangers don’t find your child as charming as you do.

OP - Sigh. There are so many antisocial people here that I really should have prefaced this post by saying the mom and I ended up chatting for awhile with her asking my kids names, ages, schools, etc. As I mentioned, I was intervening to make sure my kids weren’t being annoying. Obviously if she gave me antisocial vibes I would’ve kept them away.

My question I guess was I just see my kids as my kids and don’t really understand how they came out extroverted. I guess I’ve also really never understood the kids who hung behind their parents legs and didn’t know if it was nature or nurture. And since my kids are young, I don’t know how these traits manifest in adults and how they impact their future success.

Sigh- typical DCUM adding more details to make your OP look better.

Sigh-- typical DCUM weirdo with no social skills not understanding that normal people don't write 5000-word descriptions of every tiny interaction because they don't expect to be attacked for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:eh I could totally be that mom and say " it's fine" because really your daughter is 7 and I imagine within hearing range and I would not want to hurt her feelings. Is a short hello exchange fine, sure. Do I want to engage another person's child, while I watch my toddler and wonder when it's going to end. Ha, ha I know that sounds harsh but it's fine usually means it was fine, but maybe time to wrap up shop. Does anyone want to answer more kid questions from a stranger's child after being quarantined/cooped up with their own kids for months? Tell me I am not alone with wanting a break from all the kid chatter. I say this lovingly OP.

See I rarely go chastise my kids if they’re at a playground talking to someone. If you really want to avoid interacting with another person then stay home. And if you really want to avoid other kids then don’t go to a kid playground.