Unequal division of labor, amplified during covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I both work full time, from home right now due to covid. We are fortunate to have childcare, and pre covid we had cleaning help to minimize the friction between us in dividing household chores. It mostly worked. Now due to covid, we don’t have our cleaning person come. My husband is simply unwilling to help deep clean the bathrooms or help out around the kitchen. He says he does other things- like “cleaning humidifiers, vacuuming, ordering water,” but I am at my wits end and need help with all of the high priority chores that are not getting done- both logistically and on principle.

How have other people felt with similar situations? Im not arguing that we both don’t already do a lot, but chiefly that there is simply a lot more to be done now that we didn’t have to do before, and I shouldn’t have to do it all myself.

And if we ask your DH, I am sure he would say you are not. You are overestimating your contribution and underestimating your DH's. Start there.

I think this is how DH sees it, but I don’t think I’m discounting what anyone is doing. I’m pointing out that there are things to be done that neither of us previously had to do, and we should divide it up fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I both work full time, from home right now due to covid. We are fortunate to have childcare, and pre covid we had cleaning help to minimize the friction between us in dividing household chores. It mostly worked. Now due to covid, we don’t have our cleaning person come. My husband is simply unwilling to help deep clean the bathrooms or help out around the kitchen. He says he does other things- like “cleaning humidifiers, vacuuming, ordering water,” but I am at my wits end and need help with all of the high priority chores that are not getting done- both logistically and on principle.

How have other people felt with similar situations? Im not arguing that we both don’t already do a lot, but chiefly that there is simply a lot more to be done now that we didn’t have to do before, and I shouldn’t have to do it all myself.

And if we ask your DH, I am sure he would say you are not. You are overestimating your contribution and underestimating your DH's. Start there.

I think this is how DH sees it, but I don’t think I’m discounting what anyone is doing. I’m pointing out that there are things to be done that neither of us previously had to do, and we should divide it up fairly.

You do acknowledge that you both already do a lot and this is something new and extra. Why not just bring back the cleaning people? We're deep enough into this now that a lot of the paranoia from the early days isn't warranted now that we know what steps to take to minimise risk and exposure.

[Anonymous]

I’m lucky. DH loves to clean and organize. He says it’s therapeutic and happily does all of it - vacuuming, dusting, laundry, bathroom, kitchen, etc. Me? I’m much much much more tolerant with how dirty things can be before I say they’re dirty. He never complains and has been this way for over 20 years. Whatever works, works.

[Anonymous]

Hire your cleaning person back. If he won't clean, he doesn't get a vote. Seriously.