Not Speaking With Your In Laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not spoken with either my FIL or MIL in 6 years. How uncommon is this?

They might be relieved too,op!

[Anonymous]

Ours is related to incest.... so.

It was 5 years snd I let them come to thanksgiving last year.

My H thought it would be the olive branch they needed to stop spending time with his rapists and therapist supporter but it wasn’t.

It was the final straw for my H sadly, he feels abandoned. But it’s healthier that he finally does not care about them.

He does talk to them but only out of guilt and obligation. They are just so damaged.

Btw, this is a very upper middle class family part live in Great Falls VA.

[Anonymous]

^^ rapist supporters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My xH talks to his ILs (my family) all the time, and I haven’t spoken to them in years, lol.

When we divorced he convinced them I was mentally ill and had done all these horrible things to him and our DC. So they sided with him. They still talk regularly on the phone about what a terrible person I am.

Sucks for my family, since they’ll never see DC again. I’m sure as hell not letting them around DC, and xH talks a big game but would never actually offer to visit or host them so they could see DC. Oh well!

You must have had a terrible relationship that they took you ex husband's side You don't sound very innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't talk to inlaws outside of in person visits. I'll talk to my family and DH will talk to his between visits.

Same here!

Same.

My parents are deceased and DH’s parents are out-of-sight-out-of-mind people.
I reach out via text with an occasional photo of the kids, but no response more than one word replies.
I want to say that I made an effort! But they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH talks to his ILs (my family) all the time, and I haven’t spoken to them in years, lol.

When we divorced he convinced them I was mentally ill and had done all these horrible things to him and our DC. So they sided with him. They still talk regularly on the phone about what a terrible person I am.

Sucks for my family, since they’ll never see DC again. I’m sure as hell not letting them around DC, and xH talks a big game but would never actually offer to visit or host them so they could see DC. Oh well!

You must have had a terrible relationship that they took you ex husband's side You don't sound very innocent.

NP. OR, they are abusers and PP grew up in an abusive environment which, unfortunately, affected her judgment when she chose her spouse. Now she is a scapegoat for all of them.

Don't judge. Evil loves evil. Just look at all the white supremacists coming out of the woodwork, lifting each other up.

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I had a huge fight (verbal) and they grabbed the kids early from school and took off to their parent's house.

I went to pick them up from school and couldn't locate them. Realized what had probably occurred and called the in laws to ask if they had my kids. They didn't answer and never called back. Spouse came home a day later and we slowly patched things up.

Haven't spoken with my in laws since. Its been 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse and I had a huge fight (verbal) and they grabbed the kids early from school and took off to their parent's house.

I went to pick them up from school and couldn't locate them. Realized what had probably occurred and called the in laws to ask if they had my kids. They didn't answer and never called back. Spouse came home a day later and we slowly patched things up.

Haven't spoken with my in laws since. Its been 7 years.

I fail to see the problem with what your in laws did. Sounds like your spouse was the a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t spoke with mine in 3. I’d love it if it extended to 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse and I had a huge fight (verbal) and they grabbed the kids early from school and took off to their parent's house.

I went to pick them up from school and couldn't locate them. Realized what had probably occurred and called the in laws to ask if they had my kids. They didn't answer and never called back. Spouse came home a day later and we slowly patched things up.

Haven't spoken with my in laws since. Its been 7 years.

I fail to see the problem with what your in laws did. Sounds like your spouse was the a$$hole.

DP and agreed, but I'd be livid if my kids were at my in laws and they went silent when I asked them about it. Makes them complicit, imo. Which makes the spouse an even shittier person too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody in our family really has any interaction with my SIL.

Has anyone in your family made the effort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH talks to his ILs (my family) all the time, and I haven’t spoken to them in years, lol.

When we divorced he convinced them I was mentally ill and had done all these horrible things to him and our DC. So they sided with him. They still talk regularly on the phone about what a terrible person I am.

Sucks for my family, since they’ll never see DC again. I’m sure as hell not letting them around DC, and xH talks a big game but would never actually offer to visit or host them so they could see DC. Oh well!

You must have had a terrible relationship that they took you ex husband's side You don't sound very innocent.

NP. OR, they are abusers and PP grew up in an abusive environment which, unfortunately, affected her judgment when she chose her spouse. Now she is a scapegoat for all of them.

Don't judge. Evil loves evil. Just look at all the white supremacists coming out of the woodwork, lifting each other up.

PP here. They are abusive.....so yes, we did have a terrible relationship. One sibling has pointed a gun at me, the other has threatened me with physical harm and filed complaints about me with my work (which he has nothing to do with), when I was a kid my mom routinely told me I was stupid and when I struggled with depression as a teen, told me I should just kill myself. So it’s not surprising I married an abusive man, and that they all stuck together to keep me in line. There’s a lot more to it - my xH is very charismatic and good at manipulating people, he knew exactly what buttons to push to get them on his side.

My family also started abusing my DC (gaslighting, berating) before my divorce, so cutting them off was going to happen anyway. Honestly I’m way happier not dealing with them and the constant drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, your ILs will always support their child. If my child brought my grandchildren to my home in the situation you describe, I would not speak with you either. My job as a grandparent (I am not one now.) would be to support my child and grandchildren. Absent addiction, abuse, or other issues with my child, I will always take their word over yours. Nothing personal, it’s just how it is between parents and children. The person you should be mad at is your partner, not the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t spoken to or seen my in-laws in almost 5 years. They don’t visit, and we don’t visit them (live several states away). They send gifts to our kids, and my husband sends them texts and photos of the kids. My husband just isn’t very close with them. Fine by me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your ILs will always support their child. If my child brought my grandchildren to my home in the situation you describe, I would not speak with you either. My job as a grandparent (I am not one now.) would be to support my child and grandchildren. Absent addiction, abuse, or other issues with my child, I will always take their word over yours. Nothing personal, it’s just how it is between parents and children. The person you should be mad at is your partner, not the grandparents.

Another IL here and I disagree. I would never meddle in my daughter's marriage like that.

My daughter does not speak to her ILs but she and SonIL speak to me and DH. SIL talks to his parents on the phone once in a while.

I get to see my grandchildren often. I have learned to watch the criticism and my reward is to have a close relationship with the grandkids.