People Who Show Up Early

[Anonymous]

I had one set of grandparents who showed up for everything 30-60 minutes early, and one set who would show up 15-60 minutes late. It drove my mother crazy on holidays when both sides got together. If she wanted to serve lunch at 1:00, she’d tell her parents to come at 1:30 and my dad’s parents to come at 12:30.

In my dh’s family, we were always late to family gatherings when our twins were infants, but now our kids are older and his siblings have little ones and we are the only ones who show up at the appointed time.

People who show up early, especially by more than 5 minutes, to a party are terrible guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people say that arriving on time is arriving late. If I wanted to schedule something for 5:55 instead of 6, I’d make that arrangement. I don’t like when people show up in my office 30 minutes before their appointment. It creates anxiety for me — now I feel like I’m keeping them waiting even though I planned my schedule appropriately to see them at the appointed time. Showing up at the agreed upon time is the courteous thing to do except for social calls to someone’s house, in which case I arrive about 10 minutes late.

You’re my kind of person. The only thing I’d purposely show up early for is a job interview.

[Anonymous]

I've only experienced this since moving to the DC area. "On time" here appears to mean "early" and I hate it so much.

I've had to start telling people from here or who have lived here for a while, to meet at least 30 minutes later, so they won't show up early. It's irritating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people say that arriving on time is arriving late. If I wanted to schedule something for 5:55 instead of 6, I’d make that arrangement. I don’t like when people show up in my office 30 minutes before their appointment. It creates anxiety for me — now I feel like I’m keeping them waiting even though I planned my schedule appropriately to see them at the appointed time. Showing up at the agreed upon time is the courteous thing to do except for social calls to someone’s house, in which case I arrive about 10 minutes late.

You’re my kind of person. The only thing I’d purposely show up early for is a job interview.

I'd like to be friends with both of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people believe 5 -10 minutes early is on time.

Some people think if you say join us for dinner at 6:00, you should arrive a 1/2 hour ahead so you are not showing up right as the meal is being served. This one needs to be spelled out. We we eat around ______, feel free to show up anytime after_____.

Some people are just odd.

This is me. But there are times when I believe it is not appropriate to come early: a party, when friends invite you over, carpooling, pretty much all the examples you listed. Showing up early can be a sign of good work ethic and curtesy, so long as your earliness isn't inconveniencing others.

You people must not be very busy. For professional appointments, I am filling my time with calls, emails, or quick tasks even if I am doing so while walking across campus to a meeting. If I'm early to a restaurant or gallery or some social activity, I occupy myself with a walk or emails rather than tapping my foot waiting for my companion. And I would never EVER show up to someone's home early. That is beyond rude.

Early is early. On time is on time. You agreed on a time for a reason. Don't be presumptuous that my time is not filled and valuable before our appointment.

That said: on time is on time, and I am always and unfailingly prompt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s trending among so many you know - adjust to them.
Start thinking 15 minutes ahead.
3 means 2:45
8:30 means 8:15

OP here. I started doing that with my coworker who then started to adjust earlier. One time we agreed to meet in Tysons at 10 and he was there at 9:00

I asked him just what the hell he was doing and he was flustered, no answer.

It's like he's trying to 'win'.

But there isn't a contest.

Freaking bizarre.

He was trying to beat traffic, or get shit done before you showed up.

I'm early to places all the time, but I sure don't expect everyone else to be. I get myself coffee, sit and read, enjoy some moments to myself (as a parent those are precious and rare!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like 5 minutes early is on time, on time is late, but 10 or more minutes early is nuts.

This. Unless a party will come 15 min into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s trending among so many you know - adjust to them.
Start thinking 15 minutes ahead.
3 means 2:45
8:30 means 8:15

OP here. I started doing that with my coworker who then started to adjust earlier. One time we agreed to meet in Tysons at 10 and he was there at 9:00

I asked him just what the hell he was doing and he was flustered, no answer.

It's like he's trying to 'win'.

But there isn't a contest.

Freaking bizarre.

He was trying to beat traffic, or get shit done before you showed up.

I'm early to places all the time, but I sure don't expect everyone else to be. I get myself coffee, sit and read, enjoy some moments to myself (as a parent those are precious and rare!).

NP. That's great, but that wasn't the point of this poster's story. Wasn't this the guy who started a meeting with intros and stuff very early?

[Anonymous]

The people I know who do this all have anxiety, acknowledged or unacknowledged. The appointment and arriving for it takes up all their headspace. The ones who are also not self-aware enough to find somewhere else to chill until the appointed time are incredibly rude. But they can't help themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who do this all have anxiety, acknowledged or unacknowledged. The appointment and arriving for it takes up all their headspace. The ones who are also not self-aware enough to find somewhere else to chill until the appointed time are incredibly rude. But they can't help themselves.

I do have anxiety and I do show up ear,y, but I fully manage it and fill my time. I never impose on others by showing up early or expecting others to be early. Ever.

This isn't "anxious people" behavior; this is RUDE PEOPLE behavior.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day you do have the option to be like, “F**k you I’m on time.”

Exercise that option girl.

[Anonymous]

for a business meeting 15 minutes "early" is NOT early. That is on time for the purpose of having everyone on your team meet in the parking lot.
The only issue I see with your co-workers is that they went in to the building and started introductions without you.
If this was my team I would explain and then expect everyone to arrive 15 minutes early in the parking lot and then walk into the building about 10 or 5 minutes early in order for everyone to sign in and get guest badges.
This way we, as a team, are ready at the meeting time. This is simply standard practice. From what I can tell, everyone does this.

[Anonymous]

You can tell who the drones and dullards are on this board.

Can you imagine a university president showing up 15-30 early with nothing to do, anxiously peering into the conference room?

Can you imagine an in-demand socialite hovering around the entrance of her hosts' home, 20 minutes before the set time of a dinner party?

Can you imagine a Washington Post editor clicking into a Zoom call 25 minutes early, hoping the host sees her in the waiting room?

Laughable.

[Anonymous]

I can and have done the following in the rare case that I’m early for a family event or work/professional meeting;

- drive around for a few minutes/find a nearby gas station/gas up

- park my car, re-apply lipstick, maybe charge my phone, check my meeting notes

- go into the building, find a restroom

- go into the building, walk around, figure out where the meeti is going to be...

[Anonymous]

PP above...I’m in a new role and have had to turn early birds away from entering a conference room(Covid restrictions and social distancing) but have also had to ask people to please leave WHILE I continue to set up and prepare for meetings.

I’ve had people who refuse to leave, then just sit with their arms crossed and stare as I roll in projectors, install extension cords, move tables...very few will ask if they can help (actually, no...policies and procedures disallow this) and this is a good 1/2 hour before a scheduled meeting.