The Years That Matter Most: How College Makes or Breaks Us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

+1, I think too many people (parents) overthink college.

I agree. Personal ambition, connections, field, intelligence, and luck all matter more than college. But I’m biased because I went to a no-name school and am more successful than I ever imagined.

[Anonymous]

I do agree where you go to college has a profound effect on your life. If you decide to go out West, you might very well stay out there and live life away from immediate family (why I don't let my kids apply to CA). You may meet your spouse. Your professors will mold and shape your kids. And, depending on the school, you will have different contacts for future jobs. You can get an education anywhere but where you decide to go will have implications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

For most people the die is cast by high school. I was poor growing up went to ivy and ended up in same kind of job as my peers. Partly b/c of risk tolerance and lack of connections, but also just ignorance of how much early choices matter (right internship rather than spending summer painting with my hometown crew).

I disagree I was very poor and worked a lot and never studied. Graduate with a 76 GPA. Went to college unprepared took five years full time to graduate and switching schools. Then started work, did MBA at night and finally got traction and had a big job by 45. Same as if rich and went to Harvard.

I did 100 percent of my career moved in my 40s where school no longer matters but not at 50 glass ceiling.

Actually, though you are an outlier, growing up VERY poor often motivates people to focus on money.

I was LMC, and just looked for a similarly comfortable government job like everyone I knew; didn’t even know how poorly paid they were not how stupefying the work would be. I wasn’t focused on money I was following my dream and saving the world, etc.

[Anonymous]

A college will only break you if

1. you have a useless major

2. You take on too much debt.

[Anonymous]

My parents made sure I went to school in state, which was fine. After I graduated, I moved out of state as quickly as possible. Just because you go to college in one place, doesn't mean you will stay there.

I am forever grateful to my parents for allowing me to attend a liberal arts college. Th experience expanded my horizons and has affected my career, my choice of dh, and my interests later in life. And my degree is flexible, which has been wonderful as I get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

+1, I think too many people (parents) overthink college.

+2 I read this book a while ago but what I recall is not that the college matters (except for URM) but what you do there matters and you can do that at a lot of places. Things like building relationships with faculty, getting involved in activities, getting internships, etc.

This. It's not so much which college as doing the work, finishing, making friends and connections, learning how to get an internship and then a job, learning how to manage your time and your life. I'm watching so many of my kids' childhood friends and cousins wash out of college, either because of mental health struggles or too much partying. Those kids are already on a different life path than the ones who are making it through and lining up their first jobs or graduate school. Maybe some will finish later, but it will be way more challenging. Staying on the path and making the most of it is what matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

For most people the die is cast by high school. I was poor growing up went to ivy and ended up in same kind of job as my peers. Partly b/c of risk tolerance and lack of connections, but also just ignorance of how much early choices matter (right internship rather than spending summer painting with my hometown crew).

Not me. I was a mess my freshman year, drinking, bad decisions, no direction, playing a NCAA fall sport and having a raging earring disorder.

I dropped out, got inpatient help, never went back to school and my total comp package for 2020 is $434,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

For most people the die is cast by high school. I was poor growing up went to ivy and ended up in same kind of job as my peers. Partly b/c of risk tolerance and lack of connections, but also just ignorance of how much early choices matter (right internship rather than spending summer painting with my hometown crew).

Not me. I was a mess my freshman year, drinking, bad decisions, no direction, playing a NCAA fall sport and having a raging earring disorder.

I dropped out, got inpatient help, never went back to school and my total comp package for 2020 is $434,000

Good for you! Doing what?

[Anonymous]

I went to be community college for 2 years then transferred to a state school
I am now a partner at a big tech company making $1m+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

For most people the die is cast by high school. I was poor growing up went to ivy and ended up in same kind of job as my peers. Partly b/c of risk tolerance and lack of connections, but also just ignorance of how much early choices matter (right internship rather than spending summer painting with my hometown crew).

Thank you for this perspective. I really didn't know about the importance of internships at my Ivy either. Plus the administration kept pushing "follow your passions," "take obscure courses outside of your major," etc. and I had absolutely no idea what the average GPA was in my class.

Happened to me too. I despise the “follow your passion” BS. How about telling people to think about what kind of overall work environment they want to be in in their life, and how does it intersect with what skills and interests they have.

Feeling pretty good about myself after reading this as this is the exact conversation I had with my college sophomore yesterday. It is important to think about what kind of work setting you want, your areas of interest, and the tradeoffs with regard to passion v. pay. It all came up because she has a major that could go either way depending on the subspecialty. I don't think that following your passion is BS but it needs "informed consent."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

For most people the die is cast by high school. I was poor growing up went to ivy and ended up in same kind of job as my peers. Partly b/c of risk tolerance and lack of connections, but also just ignorance of how much early choices matter (right internship rather than spending summer painting with my hometown crew).

Thank you for this perspective. I really didn't know about the importance of internships at my Ivy either. Plus the administration kept pushing "follow your passions," "take obscure courses outside of your major," etc. and I had absolutely no idea what the average GPA was in my class.

Happened to me too. I despise the “follow your passion” BS. How about telling people to think about what kind of overall work environment they want to be in in their life, and how does it intersect with what skills and interests they have.

Feeling pretty good about myself after reading this as this is the exact conversation I had with my college sophomore yesterday. It is important to think about what kind of work setting you want, your areas of interest, and the tradeoffs with regard to passion v. pay. It all came up because she has a major that could go either way depending on the subspecialty. I don't think that following your passion is BS but it needs "informed consent."

Follow your passion is not BS IF the passion happens to be in a high paying domain AND you are extremely good at it. Think a top of the line League of legends gamer or youtuber or tiktoker. For the rest of the crowd, it's a one way ticket to poverty. I encourage my kids to have passions but make it clear that if it doesn't produce income, it's a hobby. Every one of them has to major, minor or take a few courses in computer science in college so they have something concrete to fall back on.

[Anonymous]

NP and I think it's so important to consider the daily life of whatever career sounds good to them.

For instance, law school is nothing like practicing law. When I ended up sealed away in a skyscraper for hours and hours, and wearing a suit, heels and pantyhose (we had to at the time), billing every 6 minutes, I was in total shock. I was from an SES where I didn't know any lawyers and didn't really think out the daily life aspect. I had always assumed I'd have time for myself, and fresh air.

Later I became a consultant and it was great--met lots of interesting people and got to travel, and only had to wear a suit on certain days. But because of travel, the issue of parenthood became a problem, I didn't want to be 9 months pregnant on a plane, or flying out and away from my newborn or toddler etc. There was no way to do it part-time.

I stress to my kids that they have to talk to people in the field not just with the career track questions, but also with very specific questions about their daily life. What it looks like, where is the daily venue, do you get outside, what are you wearing, what are the hours, do you get called on the weekends or is that time protected, do you have to travel and how much, do you have friends in the office, do you interact with people in person much, how much are you sitting vs. walking, etc etc. And my big one...can you open a window or are you sealed in and breathing skyscraper recycled air and freezing or cooking from the darn central thermostat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to be community college for 2 years then transferred to a state school
I am now a partner at a big tech company making $1m+

Awesome! Can you share what you studied and what you feel was your first big break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A college will only break you if

1. you have a useless major

2. You take on too much debt.

and

3) no life plan for after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College doesn't make or break anyone.

For most people the die is cast by high school. I was poor growing up went to ivy and ended up in same kind of job as my peers. Partly b/c of risk tolerance and lack of connections, but also just ignorance of how much early choices matter (right internship rather than spending summer painting with my hometown crew).

Thank you for this perspective. I really didn't know about the importance of internships at my Ivy either. Plus the administration kept pushing "follow your passions," "take obscure courses outside of your major," etc. and I had absolutely no idea what the average GPA was in my class.

I understood the importance,but couldn’t afford to take internships (needed to go home, live rent free, and save everything I earned for books/phone/airfare/spending money during the upcoming year). That seems to have changed to some extent (at least at some of the most elite schools), with better pay/school subsidization for summer gigs.