What did you do if you hated pregnancy/childbirth?

[Anonymous]

I was uncomfortable, nauseous and exhausted for every minute of my two pregnancies (with 5 months of bedrest for the first one). I waited until my older kid was 3 before having a second so that he would be more physically independent during my 2nd pregnancy, particularly as I was not allowed to lift. And then I just looked at pregnancy number 2 as a means to an end. A temporary state to get to the family my DH and I wanted. It was terrible and absolutely, completely worth it. It helped to have a very supportive partner. If you really want another baby, go for it and know that you will get through it and it will be over.

Also, I agree with the PP who said c-sections are not the easy way out. I've had two and the recovery is no joke. Find an OB you trust and go with their clinical judgement of what is the safest way to deliver for both you and baby.

[Anonymous]

this is me. i HATED my pregnancy. discomfort, nausea, insomnia, can't eat XYTZZZZ, and then to top it all off i got a really bad case of bells palsy around week 28 and DS was born at 35 weeks. the newborn stage was a nightmare. also my face was pretty much frozen the whole time and hasnt really gone back.

fast forward 3 years. i think about another kid, but i cannot fathom being pregnant or delivering. especially now with COVID.

i guess we just wont have another kid? i'm 2 years away from 40. wish i had started earlier, but it is what it is. just focused on loving DS!

[Anonymous]

Are you open to adoption?

[Anonymous]

It’s a documented psychological condition/phobia. You need to talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a mental health professional.

[Anonymous]

I loved my first pregnancy but had ptsd from the delivery. I did a fair bit of therapy and continued to see my doctor regularly until my second was 6 months old. That said, my second pregnancy was a lot harder because I was high risk but the delivery was night and day and actually fairly cathartic. I had a lot of anxiety about a second delivery - I wish I hadn’t spent all of the second pregnancy dreading it but easier said than done. The second delivery was almost “easy” by any context - not just by comparison to the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, I’m having a fourth.

I hate being pregnant. My first delivery was traumatic. (2 and 3 were much better, whether because they were faster or because I switched from an OB to midwives.) But I want/wanted more kids more than I wanted not to be pregnant. Might be done after this one, though.

This is literally me. It’s terrible. But a human is a pretty amazing end result. I know I won’t regret having gone through it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a documented psychological condition/phobia. You need to talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a mental health professional.

If anyone finds a local professional who actually deals in tokophobia, please post here. I had no luck when I was trying to find help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one DC, and I'd love to have more. Problem is, I hated pregnancy and childbirth. HATED. I was having straight up panic attacks while giving birth, and just the thought of it now (almost 5 years later) makes me feel dizzy.

I'm almost 35 and IVF isn't an option for me, and I do want more kids, so I have to start trying soon. But the thought of going through all that again makes me feel sick. I really wish we could go back to the days where you went in, got knocked out, and woke up with a baby.

Anyone else been through this? What did you do?

Me too, sister. It was a terrible day when I learned a c-section under general anesthesia is pretty high risk and done only in emergency situations. I also watched Mad Men and thought Twilight birth looked great. FWIW I am going for an elective c with a spinal. Lots of music and maybe an eye mask if it allowed.

[Anonymous]

I'll have a baby for you. I love being pregnant and giving birth but can't handle any more children.

In seriousness, could you look into a gestational carrier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one DC, and I'd love to have more. Problem is, I hated pregnancy and childbirth. HATED. I was having straight up panic attacks while giving birth, and just the thought of it now (almost 5 years later) makes me feel dizzy.

I'm almost 35 and IVF isn't an option for me, and I do want more kids, so I have to start trying soon. But the thought of going through all that again makes me feel sick. I really wish we could go back to the days where you went in, got knocked out, and woke up with a baby.

Anyone else been through this? What did you do?

Surrogacy

[Anonymous]

You were able to do a surrogate because you didn’t want to be pregnant or because there were health risks of being pregnant? I didn’t know you could electively choose one but I’m not that familiar with it.

[Anonymous]

Sucked it up and had one more.

[Anonymous]

I just had to jump into it, honestly. It was over before I knew it bc I was so busy with the first.

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way as you. What made it bearable, sort of, was an OB I truly trusted. We actually extended our lease in that city so I could deliver with her. Find a trusted OB now, talk about your concerns, make a plan for everything (nausea, pain, illness, labor, etc) and schedule the C section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't BTDT, but if I were you and only wanted one more, I'd opt for an elective C section.

This. I'd find an OB that would agree to it. I know people will freak out, but I've had one vaginal delivery and one c-section and would have preferred the c-section recovery.

Elective c-sections are very common in other countries. You generally have to pay a bit more, but lots of women do it.